Your Internal Age

I was recently tooling around on the internet when I came across a website about your inner age. It was an interesting concept to me. It's almost like your brain bookmarks a time in your life and that's how you feel inside forever, regardless of your actual age. It also said some people don't feel like they have an inner age, which is probably because their brain just hasn't bookmarked it yet.

Toga party with Denise & Katie!

I've totally bookmarked. And for the rest of my life, I will feel 17. 

Here I am with a house, a full time job, bills, a husband, a son... and I still see myself as this young kid trying to figure it all out. Trying to survive. Wanting to be free. In my minds eye, I am still skinny, wearing Express jeans, sitting in the back of a truck with all my friends as we sing country music songs and talk about our important lives. 

There is such a freedom you feel as a kid. The whole world is on the horizon. I remember that I would think, if I could just be an adult, I could break free of the mess of  my family. I could live how I wanted. I could really invest in things that mattered to me.

17 year old Megan webcam chat screen capture. 

I see myself as that Megan. Young. Energized. Hopeful. And then I look in the mirror and realize that I'm tired. I'm a lot more cynical. I'm getting older. I'm trapped in this unhealthy body and lifestyle that I am struggling to change. I got myself in a rut and I'm frustrated with it. I don't like where I am. I don't like how far I've fallen from the girl I once was.

Cheesing it up at a concert!

A few nights ago, while Bryan and I were getting ready for bed and I was going through my long routine, I told him that he should start really taking care of his skin. I've recently become pretty into skincare with the goal of looking better, longer. I told him he better do the same or he's going to look more like Mick Jagger and less like David Beckham. Then, I told him I was mad at myself for throwing away my twenties. "This is my prime. When I'm supposed to be the most beautiful, my skin is supposed to be healthy and radiant. And I spent my twenties fat. I'll never get that time back."

And, as Bryan is wont to do, he looks at me and says, "Babe, we're late bloomers. We may not have gotten it all right in our twenties, but I think we are really going to rock out thirties."

Thirty is the new twenty...Right?