Monday, March 17, 2014

A Weekend Away

Weekends bridge the gap between work days and are always something to look forward to. As much as I was excited for this weekend I wondered how I would do being away from Shepherd for the first time. I have not spent one night away from my baby since he was born.

I knew I needed this weekend. I knew that I needed to get away, to make an effort in a rekindled friendship, to feel a bit a freedom. Spread my wings, if you will.

It was delightful. I spent time talking about girl things. I laid on the beach. I read a book. I walked around the Venice Canals. I shopped. I had pretentious coffee and ate foods out of my comfort zone. I laughed. I indulged in pazookies from BJ's Brewhouse.

However, the whole time I had Shepherd on the brain. Every single moment there was the tinge of something missing. It was like I was walking around not wearing pants. You know?

I always knew I wasn't going to be a mom that refused to have girl weekends or get away. It's just not me. I have always had a problem with feeling like I was trapped. That I didn't have the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted and I was worried that motherhood would feel like that. And it does, a lot of the time because my life is no longer mine. My interests have to be tempered so that his best interests are met. I cannot spend all day watching Veronica Mars because he needs to be stimulated and to burn energy and explore. Similarly, I can't spend all day out and about running to and fro because he needs rest and naps.

Bryan has always been very generous with me about needing to get out. Even it's just to run an errand or go to Target. I do not just want to be a wife, mother and employee. I need to have time to just be unfiltered Megan.

That is what this weekend was. I was just Megan. I liked it. I had fun hanging out with Denise and her roommates. I liked being in a big city lost in the shuffle. I am refreshed and renewed.

I need to be Megan. But, even though most days I feel like I suck at it, I love being a wife and mom. Coming home to my boys felt like the moment you put the last piece in the puzzle. Complete satisfaction.


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