Thursday, January 6, 2011

Resolve To Change

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to change in my life. The list is never-ending. In order to keep my sanity, I've decided to only focus on four things this year.  

1. Get Fit & Get Active
The first challenge I have to face is to change my eating habits and get more exercise. (As I type this I am eating a banana. Yay for me!) Even though I love my dear hubby so much, the boy has the worst eating habits in the world. We are also lazy. Which is not a great combination. I am the cook in the family, so Bryan cleans the kitchen. Therefore, he HATES for me to cook because then he has to clean. He talks me out of cooking all the time, appealing to my lazy side. We always end up arguing and I get so frustrated that I take on the mentality that I'm not making him a ding-dang thing because if I do some Ex-lax might end up hidden in his plate by mistake! Oh just kidding...maybe. But I've got to stop letting him win. I need to cook. I need to eat healthy, homemade meals so that I don't eat Burger King and become even fatter than I already am. I'm told that everyone gains weight their first year of marriage. Well fine, but this is the second year and I'm ready for a change!

2. Challenge My Marriage
Bryan and I met when we were just kids. It's my opinion that a lot of the time, we revert back to our childhood selves when we deal with certain things. Also, I am a ridiculously hopeless romantic. I love to be romanced. And its a deal-breaker, ladies. (In the words of Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. Love that show!) Luckily, Bryan knows this about me so its not a shock. Unluckily, he has a hard time understanding that even though I am a romantic, I don't need huge grand gestures. While I love the random big bouquet of roses and jewelry, I would rather have 'small feedings', if you will, of romance. For example, a note tucked under my pillow to find when I go to sleep or in pair of pajama pants to find the next time I wear them. Waking up to a hot cup of coffee on my nightstand. Having dinner cooked for me without the obligation to clean afterwards. These 'small feedings' are simple and take little effort, but make a huge difference in my life and the way I feel about my boo.

When I talk (read: complain) to Bryan about needing these things, he has asked me, what do I do for him? How do I appeal to his love language? I may be able to list a few things but it's not as much as I should. I don't show him enough how much I love him. More often than not, I hide the fact that if something were to happen to him, it would destroy me. I don't want him to know just how deep my affection is for him. I'm scared that it will be used against me. It's not right. 

Bryan and I decided that we were going to do The Love Dare. We watched the independent film Fireproof  right before we got married and even with the weird acting, it had a powerful message. A message that stuck with me. I want a strong marriage. I want us to be able to withstand anything that life throws our way. It's important that we actively seal any cracks that come into our marriage so that termites can't get in and eat at the foundation of our marriage. 

I haven't spoken with Bryan about how comfortable he feels with sharing our journey on my blog, but I'm hoping to be able to!

3. Walk With God
I used to have this amazing, deep spiritual relationship with our Creator. And I let it go. I'd try to get back into it and each time my walk would be attacked to the point that I stopped trying. Something that Bryan and I were told for our first year is to enjoy each other. If we wake up on Sunday and want to go to church, go. If we want to stay in bed and talk, then do it. Because of Bryan's work schedule, we didn't go to a whole lot of church. For our first anniversary, we resolved that it was time to attend church every Sunday. Since October 25, we have only missed three Sundays. We are slowly but surely getting back to where we were a very, very long time ago. And this is something I want to develop even further. 

4.Get Unpacked and Organized
Don't judge me. We moved into our house in September.... And I still have most of our life in boxes. Honestly, there are few reasons why that is. The biggest is that I am lazy. But the second reason is that I've always lived in very small houses. When Bryan and I lived together (not good, don't recommend it.) we lived in a very nice sized house. Then we ended our relationship and it really was just like going through a divorce. I took half and he took half. I moved into a two bedroom apartment with a roommate that was considerably smaller than the house we shared and ended up donating and selling a lot of furniture on Craigslist. The next two houses I lived in after that were tiny, too. And Bryan has very little furniture since his Dad kept the set he's used for the past 23 years of his life. All this to say, we have a house with over 1800 square feet and not a whole lot of furniture to put books and picture frames and candles. We also don't have a whole lot of storage. So things are slow going at the moment. It'll get there though. I'm sure of it. 


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