I'm Dead

I'm still so sick. I have a horrible, nasty cough. It's so bad that I hurt my neck really bad from coughing so hard.

No work, no life for me. Bleh.

I am not looking forward to NYE. Eek.

A Holiday Whirlwind

So, lets recap Christmas.

Honestly, this Christmas was pretty easy.. Here are our yearly celebrations.

-The First Friday: Work Christmas Party

-The Second Friday: Denise's Work Christmas Party

-The Saturday before Christmas: Vickers Family

-Sometime before Christmas: Anna and Denise Christmas 

-Sometime before Christmas: Colleen and Denise Christmas

-December 23: Borges Family Christmas (my moms family...)

-December 24 Lunch: Dias and Farpella (not that any of us girls are Farpella's anymore, but whatever! :) ) Family Christmas

-December 24 Dinner: Farpella Family Christmas

-December 24 Dessert: Sister Christmas

-December 25: Gaston Family Christmas

-December 25: Our Family Christmas

-December 26: Ricky Vickers Christmas

We survived ALL OF THAT. Denise and I always go to each others Christmas parties because one she is my husband when Bryan is gigging and C she knows everyone and entertains me like no one else. 

This Christmas was a good one, for the most part. I couldn't care less about gifts. I am just SO happy that I got to spend time with my family. The biggest bummer was that I got ridiculously sick this holiday season and doing all of this took a lot out of me. 

Christmas Eve was so fun because I spent the entire day with my sisters, their husbands and Alison's kids. And the entire day was dedicated to my side of the family and it went off without a hitch! I was so bummed that Bryan had to work and miss my Mom's Christmas lunch, but he ended up timing his work lunch hour with us so we was there for lunch, and by the time he was off work we had cleaned everything up, so he was there for presents too! I was so, so thankful. 

On Christmas Day, we get a call very early in the morning from Bryan's mom and we head over there in our pajamas and smudged make-up.... That last make may just be me though. :) Anyways, we open gifts and eat breakfast and hang out. It is one of my favorite times. The Gaston family usually ends up getting our holiday-time leftovers throughout the year, so Bryan and I put no restriction on how much we are there on Christmas Day. We usually end up staying for the better part of the day, and this Christmas was no exception. I was still pretty sick, so we left so I could rest and take a shower, but we went back over there and played games and lounged pretty much the entire rest of the day. It was great. It is such a relaxing Christmas tradition. 

Speaking of gifts, my house made out like a bandit! When asked, I said I wanted items for the house. Serving platters, bathroom stuff, stand mixer, cloth napkins, etc. My family knows me so well. Everything they picked out was perfect! I felt so loved and blessed. The biggest surprise that my Mother-in-law (who is amazing and I love her) remembered from some random conversation years ago, how I wanted the Anne of Green Gables movies and she got them for me. Such a simple gift, a DVD is, but it almost brought tears to my eyes because of how thoughtful it was! Those movies are a childhood favorite and bring so many memories of my sisters to mind. I was touched.

I hope that the gifts Bryan and I picked out for everyone made them feel as loved as we did!

**PS. I wrote this in 2011 and backdated it, which is why I sound so happy. I was seriously sick and my draft recap was really cranky sounding. Note to self: Do not blog when dying.

Dear Santa

I have been a pretty good girl this year. I have had some bad moments, but I try to do my best. When reflecting back on this year, I definitely feel like I had more good moments than bad....And I think I should get cut some slack considering the fact that my husband goes out of his way to drive me ca-ca-crazy. Examples? Do you really need examples? Fine. He likes to mock me using this insane sounding voice, and I know for sure I don't sound that way. He also likes to jump on every. single. thing I say. Even if he agrees with it. He likes to hide places and scare me. Like the other day, I was washing my face and he hid in a pile of laundry and scared the freaking bajeezus out of me. I don't think I should get coal because I beat him with a magazine. That should be a freebie. 

I know that I am a super blessed girl, even if I don't act like it sometimes. And while I really don't need anything on the following list, in case you want to, you know, spoil me, I have included it. I truly have everything I want. I have a nice house, wonderful friends and family, three quirky pets, and I am still so in love with my husband. What more could a girl want? ......Well, obviously a girl could want a lot more, which isn't so bad, as long as she knows she doesn't NEED it. 

So, here is my Christmas list.

1. Gift Certificates to Java Heaven (My drink of choice comes out to $4.15 on the nose.)

2. A heat-proof glove for when I curl my hair. Like this one: http://www.sallybeauty.com/heat-glove/SBS-487110,default,pd.html?cm_vc=SEARCH

3. A St. Bernard Puppy

4. Brown Cowgirl boots size 8  (Like These: http://www.walmart.com/ip/L.E.I-Women-s-Andrea-Buckled-Tall-Boots/14576004 and these:http://www.walmart.com/ip/Women-s-Victoria-Buckled-Western-Boots/14971146)

Note: ^^ Those are the really big wants.

-- 

5. A Barnes and Noble Gift Card

6. New Movies or a Big Lots Gift Card

7. Massage Gift Certificate

Love, 

Megan

It's On Sale!

Ohmygosh! The mug I was talking about in this post is on sale!

Here is the link. (Hint, hint!)

Close Talker Mug


Ahh!!

Coal As In Charcoal?

Back story: Denise and I both work at schools. Even though mine is better. Anywho. We exchanged lunch menus  just in case we want to go to each others school for lunch that day. We emailed Decembers, and we had a conversation about the colors of the menu. The email conversation is colored in green. 


Psst. If you read our conversation yesterday, you should have seen some of this mentioned.


--


Denise: Why you gotta copy us with the green paper????


Me: …. Its december. And Christmas. And Red=negative account [balances]. What OTHER color are we supposed to use? Plus, I’m sure that Jessica’s was done first cause she does hers like 6 months before. Cause she is OCD. In a good way though. Not like in a touching the knob of a door 7.85 times before entering kind of way. But, a having things organized and done early kind of way.


D: I’m telling her you said that. Gosh, you can be so rude sometimes. I don’t know why people are friends with you.


M: What does that say about you?


D: I only pretend to be your friend so you’ll buy me Christmas and Birthday gifts. :)


--


-Beep, riiiiiiing, Thank you for calling-Beep,Beep,Beep. Riiiiiing.
       
"This is Denise."


"Hey, it's Me. Where can I get some coal?"


"Uhhh... Coal? As in... Charcoal? Save Mart! When you go through the middle door go to the left and it is  in the front."


"Oh, okay thanks. Bye!"


"Bye."


-Click.


--


M: Well great. I’m gonna go to Savemart and get you some coal because YOU SUCK.

--


The only flaw? Colleen, Denise and I are making gifts. How does one MAKE coal? 

Sad But True

This is an actual conversation between me and Denise.

 Who knew it would only take a year to become old and matronly.

Sigh.

Kit Kat Anonymous

My name is Megan and I am slightly addicted to Kit Kat's.

It all started a few weeks ago. My pregnant sister, Kari, said that she had been craving Kit Kat's. I thought to myself, "Self, you haven't had a Kit Kat in AGES. You should get one someday." And apparently, someday was the next day. It was heaven.

So, Denise and I were hanging out and having some wine. And I say, "Ooh! We should get some chocolate!" Off we go to the local Save Mart. Guess what I bought? A bag of Kit Kat's!

Bryan and I go on our one-year anniversary, and when we get back, it's Halloween! We should get candy for the trick-or-treaters! I made sure to get a variety bag that had Kit Kat's! And then I made sure that every single handful that I put in the bowl for those treaters did NOT contain a Kit Kat.

And then I put the bag behind some items in the pantry...to keep them "safe".

Bryan and I have gone to the grocery store a few times and twice, I bought one of those HUGE bars of Kit Kat's. But I only have a few at a time. And Bryan always has a couple. I never feel too bad. Its a small snack and I eat less than the serving size on the back, so whatever.

Well, I work at a school. And this school has great food. But its designed for kids. Which equal LOTS of calories for them to burn off by running, throwing tantrums, learning to read and screaming on the playground. It also has a lot of calories because for some kids, what they eat at school is the only food they ingest.

Many of the employees will eat these calorie-filled meals, but I always try to curb mine, as I did yesterday. And to reward myself, I had a small snack size Kit Kat. Imagine my surprise when I am eating a Kit Kat today and I drool.

I DROOL.

Ugh.

Dear People That Buy Me Christmas Gifts,

First of all, I want to thank you for wanting to spend your hard-earned money on me. You really don't have to get me anything, honestly. I really don't need anything.

However, if you INSIST, I would be very, indescribably happy to receive this mug. It is from a post of one of my favorite blogs (that is slightly vulgar so please don't go read it unless you can ignore foul language).

Here it is in its entirety (click to enlarge):

(All of this stuff is from Hyperbole and a Half and is owned by Allie Brosh. Some of her posts are very... bold. It is not for the faint of heart and the fact that I think it is hilarious should not tell you anything about my character as a person... Or it should tell you everything. Whatever. I like all people even if they are "out there".)

SO, anyways, Allie has a blog and she writes and draws. She is also hilarious. And she started up a store and this is Close Talker is the mug I would like. You may purchase it here. And I may or may not freak out if I get it. Cause its darn hilarious. 

Be prepared for squealing and possibly some jumps up and down. Because not only are you supplying me with an insane amount of laughter each and every time I look at the mug, but you are also contributing to my coffee habit. And for that, I thank you. 

Always, 

Megan

Oh Really?

Most of my blog entries are written a day or two in advance and scheduled to post. 

The other day I was changing the options on blogger and chatting on Facebook at the same time... I switched back to blogger and this message was up. 

Oh really, Blogger? Is that an illegal post time? Can you, I don't know, hold your horses? I wasn't finished!

Such a strong word for a tiny offense. 

Finger Diarrhea and Other Nonsense

I've heard that when you have nothing to blog you should still blog. What I haven't heard is what to blog about when you have nothing of substance to write?

I suppose I will write some quick updates.

-A few days ago, or maybe it was yesterday...Who knows. The days really just bleed together. Anywho. My cell phone at work rang. When I picked it up, there were about four large paper clips magnetically stuck to the speaker on the back of my phone. Of course, right at that time a coworker walked by and laughed at me because I just left the paper clips there. I'm classy like that.

-There are a few things that Bryan and I really want to focus on in this second year of marriage. We both want to find a church and get plugged in. We want to make new coupley-married friends so that we can all talk about coupley-married things. We want to set a budget, stick to it and save money. Bryan wants me to clean more. I want Bryan to clean more. I also want Bryan to brush his dog. Bryan probably wants me to stop losing all my hair. (What is up with that anyways? It must be the changing in the weather, because my side of the sink always has hair every where. Argh.) I want Bryan to get his own dang towel in the morning instead of me handing it to him. No one hands ME a towel when I am done in the shower. I have to step out and around the glass door and then run back in the shower to dry off and not freeze. (Bitter much?) I'd also like Bryan to stop looking like a ragamuffin and cut his DANG hair. Bryan probably wants me to stop whining about how I hate my hair and can't figure out what to do with it. Also, he probably wants me to stop whining about how his hair looks. Well, you can't win them all, darling!

-Personally, I need to change my habits. I would love for my day to go something like this:
                  6:30 - Wake up and get dressed.
                  6:45 - Leave the house to jog
                  7:15 - Get home and take a shower.
                  7:30 - Get ready for work
                  8:15 - Leave for work
                  4:45 - Get home from work
                  4:48 - Change into work out clothes
                  4:55 - Get dinner prepared and work out.
                  6:15ish - Eat
                  7:00 - Clean something - anything! Except the kitchen... Bryan is doing that.
                  7:30 - Take a shower
                  8:00 - Pop in a load of laundry
                  8:15 - Watch a movie and\or TV and blog.
                 10:30 - Go to sleep.

This is how my day looks:
                 7:10 - Wake up and turn on the shower.
                 7:11 - Go back to bed to wait for the water to get hot.
                 7:13 - Get up because the water is ALMOST hot.
                 7:15 - Get in shower, forget the face-wash, get out of shower, get everything wet, grab face-wash, get back in shower.
                 7:16 - Do showering business.
                 7:30 - Get ready for work.
                 7:45 - Watch Bryan get ready for work in half the time it takes you and curse the universe for have to be a girl.
                 8:17 - Leave for work
                12:00-12:15 - Eat while writing a quick blog.
                 4:15 - Get home from work. Read the mail, have a snack, piddle around the house, sit around and do nothing OR go run errands with sister/Denise/or by myself.
                 5:30 - Bryan gets home... YAY!
                 5:45 - Get frustrated because Bryan is already being annoying.
                 6:00 - Start dinner/go out to dinner/wait for dinner-mates to be ready for dinner.
                 7:00 - Eat
                 7:30 - Sit on my bottom and watch a movie/watch tv/go to a movie/go hang out with people/nothing constructive.
                 11:30 - Complain to Bryan that I want to go to bed.
                 11:31 - Bryan complains because I get up to go to bed.
                 11:35 - Get done washing face and get in bed, lights off. Sigh-of-relief.
                 11:42 - Bryan comes into room, turns on lights, takes forever to get in bed.
                 11.55 - Remind myself that I could go to jail if I kill Bryan.
                 12:00 - Lights off and I pass out, much to Bryan's dismay..... if you know what I mean. :)

Do you see the difference? Do you know that I cannot for the life of me freaking just DO IT? Ugh. So over myself. How do people do it? And I don't even have KIDS yet. Oh Lord. That is gonna be so hard.

Side-note: I'm usually pretty good at getting up early in the morning if someone is already up. I am a morning person. I loved getting up with my mom, having a cup of coffee (or cereal) and watching the news. If Bryan were an early riser, I would get up too. But he isn't. I don't wake up early because I don't have anything to wake up FOR.

-My love handles are taking over my entire body. Must, must get into shape. Not even that. Just get HEALTHY. And I know those unwanted enemies will go bye-bye. I am excited because I brought some fruit to eat today, instead of Halloween candy. One step in the right direction!

How about those quick updates? About as quick as a sloth, huh? Well, apparently what they say is true. If you have nothing to blog about, blog anyways.

Because, you'll just have diarrhea of the fingers.....

Sorry for the mental picture.

Emailing Me Crazy

When I first started to follow design blogs, I learned that a great way to get free design fodder was to subscribe to emails. One afternoon, I must have just gone bat-crap crazy, because for the past year and a half I have had at least 200 emails a WEEK. And guess how many emails I would actually click on to look at? Maybe five or six a month. Just two days ago, I deleted 250 unread entries from my inbox. Ick.

This was my inbox yesterday:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

When I signed up for these emails, I had no idea that the businesses would push out a new email every single ding-dang DAY.

I've got a husband that requires more attention than all of Lindsay Lohans' crotchless pictures combined... times 50. I've got one pregnant sister that is planning a shower, one sister that is five hours away that probably wants to pulverize me for NEVER CALLING her... (Hi Alison!) Friends that need me as much as I need them. A disaster of a home. More laundry to wash, dry, fold/hang and put away than I even want to think of. Dinner to make. Dog drool to step in and a moody cat to smother mother.  Not to mention, work, miscellaneous errands, grocery store trips, the siren song of the DVR and Christmas crafts.

Do they honestly think that the thing I want most, in this modern-day, busy, crazy life, is to sit on my arse and see their dumb marketing emails every single day, including my precious weekends? They can just go fly a stinkin' kite for all I care.

To be honest, sometimes when I don't want to deal with something, I can withdraw. And I did, for the whole year that all these emails were plaguing me. I didn't want to have to go through each email and unsubscribe. Yesterday, I had enough. I couldn't deal with my Freecycle, Wuslu and Groupon and more personal emails getting lost in the shuffle.

I went through each darn email and clicked unsubscribe. And guess what most of them offered me?

A monthly option.

Sigh.

Just a Quickie...

No. Not that kind. Get your mind out of the gutter!

The author of one of my favorite* blogs, Life Begins at Thirty, Right? commented on one of my blogs. I DIE.

Hi, Janice!!!

She requested that I add the follower widget to the blog, so I did. I'm a good listener like that.

I also decided to take the word verification, uh... thingy, off of my comments. I hate those things. I turned on the comment moderation instead, so that I can keep all those spam comments at bay.

I've been reading blogs for a long time. Almost every blog has had a post about that sneaky little Anonymous fella that likes to comment hurtful things. So, in an ongoing effort to turn my blog into a positive, constructive creative outlet, I have changed the setting to registered users only. I am all for differing opinions/tastes though, so...

Please register! It's free. It takes a few seconds, and a comment absolutely makes my day.

*If you want to read one of my favorite posts by Janice, click here.

Design Flaws

When I was three, my parents bought the home that I would grow up in. It was a pretty nice house, bigger than the home we moved out of... and it had a pool. My Dad and his wife Delia still live in that house today. 

The entire thirteen years that my parents lived in that house, every wall was white. For a long time, it never occurred to me that I could paint the walls. When I got old enough, I remember asking once or twice to paint a wall or the room and the answer was always no. 

I vaguely remember my sister, Alison painting her room when I moved into Kari's room, and she got the privacy that she begged my parents for. I could be making that up. I definitely remember my mom working tirelessly to scrap the ugly wallpaper off the bathroom walls and painting that a lovely shade of.... (surprise!) white.

Years later, when Delia (because it was her idea, no doubt) painted the walls in that house, I was floored. It was so WEIRD. The house had always been white, and now there was a sage green color in the dining room, and a pretty tan color in the den. 

After my Mom and I moved out, we lived in an apartment which obviously we couldn't paint. Then, we moved back into the first house my Mom and Dad had purchased, and we didn't paint any color in there either. When I moved out, I lived in rentals that always had a no paint policy. 

Like how I get right down to the point?

I became OBSESSED with painting. When Denise and I were looking for an apartment in Fresno, she found one that let you paint one living room wall in one of their approved colors. HOT DOG! But when she went to visit, she explained that the freeway was right behind the building and it was loud. Alas, painted walls were not to be. 

When I moved in with my friend, Cisco, who owned the house, he said I could paint my room whatever I wanted. So I painted vertical stripes on one wall, which I now know is called a "focus" wall. How fancy. At that time, I was arrogant. How HARD can stripes really be? Honestly. I didn't know that there were tips and tricks and entire blogs dedicated to painting stripes. It turned out well enough, but no where near what it could have been had I researched. 

Bryan and I now own a home. We can change pretty much anything we want if we have the time, inclination, funds and know-how. 

And wouldn't you know that while I have myriad ideas but no actual inspiration to DO any of them? 

It doesn't help that my super supportive and inspiring husband likes to shut down every vision or idea that I have. 

I haven't had a whole lot of motivation to paint or unpack and decorate because 1. every time I talk about what I want to do Bryan looks at me like I have sprouted ten heads and am speaking in Russian and 2. because I look at these blogs of real people (read: women) just like myself that have beautiful homes and I want that NOW. I'd like to skip the whole awkward, figuring things out stage and just have a beautiful zone that does not have German shepherd hair and drool all over it. 

I want to wish away the blue tile and gray grout in the kitchen, and the cream and green tile in the master bathroom, along with weird ivy-laden light fixture. And don't even get me started on the black toilet that freaks all of our guests out in the front bathroom. (Note: If you are ever in Lowes or Home Depot, and you think to yourself, OH. We could put a chic, black toilet in the only guest bathroom in our house. LET ME TELL YOU, this is a bad idea. It freaks people out. I have lived in the house since September, have owned it since May 2010 and do you think that I have EVER peed in that bathroom? Creepy.)

So, not only am I in the hugest hair-do funk of my LIFE, but I also am in a decorating funk. 

Awesome.

Ethan

My cousin lost her little boy on July 28, 2010. 

Ethan had an accident at home. He was rushed to Fresno and we got word that the prognosis was good. That he would be okay. And then, all of a sudden, my sister was calling me at work saying that he had passed. 

I did not know Ethan. 

I spent time with my family, I went to the funeral and the reception afterward. I cried for my cousins loss. I cried for my family, I ached for them. And I felt a huge, overwhelming surge of guilt. 

All I can think about right now and every time I have thought about this, is how DARE I. How can I possibly make it about me and my guilt. If I was my cousin, I would slap me. How could I talk about this guilt when I cannot even begin to know what she feels, what she and her family is living on a day to day basis?

Unfortunately, I am human. And I can't help it.

For a brief period of time during my childhood, my cousins and I were close. My grandma and grandpa had four girls. Each girl got married and had kids. There were twelve cousins, and for a while we were as close as we possibly could be. We spent time at each others houses during the summer, we got together over at our grandparents. Our parents would hang out together. 

But, through all of that, my immediate family was living a lie. My Dad is an alcoholic. I always say that his alcoholism is marked by my lifespan. He drank before I was born, but it became a serious issue when I came around and got worse as I grew. My Dad is not a functioning alcoholic. He is a binge drinker. 

So, his "problem" would cause us to lie to our family. And maybe they knew, maybe not. But it tended to make us feel like the black sheep of the family. It made us all alienate ourselves from people. We couldn't invest in any relationships, because we were all just trying to survive the emotional roller-coaster that was our life. 

The canyon between our family and my mom's family widened over the years. All of the cousins were still close, they all lived within ten minutes of each other. Now, this is only speaking for myself, but I felt displaced among my family. I know I've mentioned this before, but I am awkward at making relationships. I feel vulnerable and I have always had a huge fear of rejection. So, for a lot of family functions I would take a book and just try to stay out of the way. I couldn't find my place with my family. 

Then, when my parents separated, I was fifteen. When they were divorcing, I was sixteen. I was sixteen and I would come home and have to make my mom eat. I watched her almost fade away. I was angry at the world. I partied. I didn't talk to my father. My sisters were gone. I lost myself in boyfriends. I lost my Vavo. I stopped trying in school. I got my first job. It was a crazy time in my life. And as I remember it (which my memory is not the best, as I'm sure you well know) the only person that was there for my mom was one of my aunts. Ethan's grandma. 

During that time, I came to have a great distaste for my mom's family. I begged my mom to let me skip weddings and birthdays and Christmas. Sometimes she would let me stay home. Most times she made me go. I felt like an outsider. I was angry and bitter. I wanted my Mom's families support. I wanted her to have people to talk to. I felt like the least my aunts could do was to BE there. I knew, and know to this day, that my sisters would be there. No matter what. There wouldn't even be a hesitation. I saw my extended families absence as proof that they didn't love her or us. And I was ready to cross them off my list, forever. 

I continued to pull away. As soon as I was out of school I stopped going to family functions. It helped because for quite a while, my own Mother and I weren't talking. I pushed them all out of my family and out of my heart. I felt like our family was the black sheep in the family, and that their inaction made it clear and made me RIGHT.

I told my Mom that I just didn't 'fit in'. And that they were unwelcoming. I would only give exception to Ethan's grandma, because I respected her for being there for my Mom. For inviting my mom over and helping her through a time that I didn't understand and couldn't deal with.  I felt like Grandma and Grandpa were out of touch and the language barrier was too difficult. I felt unloved.

My cousins grew up, got married, and had babies. My aunt's became grandmothers. My cousins were mothers. All of a sudden we were all grown up and everyone was going their own way, and I was fine with letting them go. I was okay with letting my family do their thing and creating my own family. 

For my wedding, a lot of pretty bad stuff happened between me and my aunts. It was, to me, validation of how I was treated different from their other nieces and nephews. Words were exchanged that could never been taken back, only wished away. I was done. It was the last straw. And I didn't lose a moments rest about it. 

Until Ethan. 

I didn't know Ethan. And I didn't know him because I let a whole lot of emotion push me away. I never gave myself the chance of getting to know my cousins. I never gave them the opportunity to get to know me. I never even explained how I was feeling, and I never gave them a chance to tell me I was being dumb. And for that, I didn't know my second cousin. Holding onto that resentment made me miss Christmases and Thanksgivings. It made me stay away from my family. I lost time with all of them, especially my Grandma and Grandpa, who are not getting any younger, if you know what I mean. 

I could barely hide my guilt and shame as I walked into my cousins house. I could barely stop myself from tearing up and telling her that I was so, unbelievably sorry for not knowing her little boy. For not taking the time to get to know her family. But I did, because I knew that this was not about me. This was about something so much bigger than me. 

A few nights ago, we all went over to my grandparents house for pizza, and Ethan's mom told us the happy news that they are expecting a baby. There were tears and "I can't believe it!s" and an overwhelming sense of joy and hope. 

I am reminded all the time that God is faithful. That my God is a giving God. He is all about love, kindness and second chances. He forgives. 

I may not have known Ethan, and for that I will always be sad and sorrier than I can explain. But Ethan gave me a gift. He taught me one of the biggest lessons that I have ever had to learn. And while I would do anything to not have learned it this way, Ethan taught me that family is necessary and permanent. Family is worth fighting for. Family needs to be more than just coming together at times of great happiness or tragedy. 

Family is worth the effort. So, although I have my own little family now, and we have our own traditions, I plan on getting plugged into my family as much as I can. 

Freedom...

Veteran's Day just passed and it got me thinking a lot about freedom. Freedom is a pretty precarious thing. Most wars are fought over freedom. People, every day, sign their lives away for an (almost) thankless job of protecting freedom. They fight for the freedoms of other people that don't even live in our country. They kill other people all for the sake of freedom.

To stop and think about it, it is a crazy, what one will do for freedom. What a nation or a society of people will do for freedom. For the freedom of others. It's amazing and terrifying.

I started this blog for freedom. I wanted, needed to have an outlet. Now, I am only marginally creative. I've never been one to paint or create or build. I've always been a reader and a writer. I started this blog for the creative expression. To write. To document. To vent. It was supposed to be a representation of me, my life, and my thoughts.

In starting a blog, there has to be a modicum of discretion. I've had to be careful in how I explain my thoughts, as to not upset anyone. I've had to ask permission to post things. I've posted in anger, in frustration, and sometimes I left it up. Other times I took them down.

At work, my boss always says, "Megan, put it in writing. Then there will be a record and there is no disputing it." She told me to be careful of what I write because its documented. It's locked in. You have a little wiggle room with tones - but the words are there forever. And how someone perceives those words is important. There are times when I have written and re-written an email because I felt it sounded snarky, or rude. Which is appropriate and right. At work you need to be professional, you need to keep emotions at bay and do your job.

While a margin of professionalism needs to bleed into this blog, since a large portion of my life takes place at work, I had every intention of being myself. I wanted to have an accurate representation of my life. Not for anyone else, but for myself. To have a place to be me, as unfiltered as possible. I wanted a space for my creativity to be unleashed.

Recently, I went back and read some posts and they don't sound like me. Most of the people that read this click on the link from facebook, or are family members or old school mates. And maybe a few of them could tell that I wasn't being me, that I wasn't writing how I would speak or interact with other people. Mainly, that was because I was so worried. I was worried about hurting feelings, of being taken out of context, of not being accepted, of not being understood.

How did my "space for my creativity to be unleashed" become about OTHER people?

I didn't want to step on toes, or let that fact that I'm a Christian and I say "shit" pretty regularly be called being hypocritical. Or if I wrote about how I'm a conservative republican being manipulated into being close-minded and hateful towards others.

Many of you reading this know me, but don't KNOW me. I don't let a whole lot of people in. Some take that as being rude or stuck up. Some think I am shy. Honestly, I AM shy. I am really, horrible insecure when it comes to making friends. I am awkward to the nth degree. But, if you are pushy enough (like most of my friends are), once I get comfortable, the Portuguese in me takes over and I am loud. And sometimes hilarious, and often quiet. But when I feel safe, I let myself be me.

So, since I am writing for myself, why am I not being ME? Why am I letting myself by caged in when this is MY outlet? How does that make any sense whatsoever?

The answer is it doesn't. It does make sense to not post in angry, or be flippant with words. Words have meaning and everyone should tread carefully. But on the flip side of that, people need to be true to themselves. I need to remember that I can state how I feel, by being respectful, but not compromising who I am.

Freedom of any kind is worth fighting for... and I intend to go down swinging.

One Year Ago...

Happy Anniversary, Baby. We made it a year without killing each other. :) To the first of many...

A Different Decision

Yesterday, Bryan and I went to Fresno to do a little shopping and to see a movie. After 'The Social Network' we went to the Elephant Bar and had a few drinks and some dessert. We were talking about how we needed to work on the structure of our days and to spend our time more wisely. So, today I made a real effort in being better.

Here are a few simple things I did to change my normal routine:

-I woke up ten minutes earlier than normal so that I would arrive 5 minutes early to work instead of right on time... with make-up on.

-When I got home, I organized my meal plan for this week. Taking care to implement what I already have so I don't spend what I don't have to.

-I watched a little TV before Bryan got home and rested.

-I spent a few moments chatting with Bryan about our days and various other things.

-I started dinner before I was hungry and made sure not to rush. I tend to want until I'm hungry to eat and then I rush through and say things like "That's good enough." And eat it. Even if its NOT good enough. I made a yummy dinner, and managed to get a grunt of approval from the hubs. :)

-Instead of sitting down after cooking to watch TV and relax while Bryan cleaned up, I talked with him, changed out my checkbook and wrote a payment. Then I started some laundry and put my purse back together for tomorrow.

-When Bryan was finished with the kitchen, he found me on my computer surfin' the net. So, he sat down and played a little Wii. When I was finished, he started Arrested Development and now we are watching, cuddled on the couch, eating Halloween candy that we definitely don't need.

All the changes were simple decisions but they really made a difference to my day. I feel accomplished. And it makes me happy. It also makes me want to pass out like my Cali-girl. :)


*Posted via Blogaway on the HTC Incredible. Any errors are because my thumbs get so tired that sometimes they don't hit the right keys.

Owl Be Watching You

Say hello to my new friend. :) I cannot believe I found a white ceramic owl for $13. And he is huge! Who would have thought that Burlington Coat Factory would have cute home stuff? So excited to put him on my bookshelf when I get home!

All good things...

End with a trip to the emergency room. Say-WHAT?


I wish that I could say I ended up in the ER because I went sky-diving and hit my head on a bird on the way down so I had to go get checked out... 


Or I pulled an Evel Knievel and did a little of this:

(Source: EvelKnievel.com)

But, I didn't. I went to the ER because my brain was THISCLOSE to exploding on Sunday night. We should rewind to the beginning, though. 

Friday, (Oct. 8) was my birthday, and I always try to get my birthday off if it's a Friday. My boss, Kim, approved the request and I went to the Fresno Chaffee Zoo, since I had never been there before! I loved seeing the animals, but it also made me really sad too. I can't help but feel like they should be in their natural habitat. Those pens are just so tiny. It hurts my heart. 

Nonetheless, I enjoyed seeing all the different animals and I was able to get a few good pictures... 

Obviously, I was dying to see the elephants. Look how CUTE they are. I was practically begging them to get in the water and play. Of course, animals almost never do what you want them to do. They were both kind of swaying to their own music though. They are so beautiful. 

I had SUCH a great afternoon with my friends (who will remain nameless, to protect the innocent). Thank you for coffee, lunch, and accompanying me to FCZ. It was awesome. :)

For dinner, Bryan and I met up with my sisters and their husbands. We went out to dinner at Fugazzi's. It was so fun. There is definitely never a dull moment when the all six of us get together. We ended up going to Kari and Adam's house after and we all kind of pooped out on the couch. We watched The Office. It was a great ending to a long day.

On Saturday, Bryan and I busted our rumps to get the house in order for my little birthday get-together that night. Luckily we pulled it together. Oh how I wish we had taken pictures! I'm so bad at that. But I had a really fantastic time with my friends and family. Thank you to everyone who help pull Saturday night off and who came and celebrated with me. Love you all!

Kari and Adam held their gender party on Sunday evening, and about 30 of their friends and family members attended to find out if they were having a boy or a girl. 

Now, the minute Kari told me she was pregnant, I KNEW it was a boy. I just knew it down to my toes. And guess what? 

(Stolen from Kari's Facebook page, cause I'm a ninja.)

IT'S A BOY! I knew it. I'm amazing. And I am SO HAPPY for Adam and Kari. Congrats!

After receiving such happy news you would think that I would go home and dream of all the ways I'll be able to spoil my nephew when he arrives next year... but no. At around 10 that night I felt a migraine coming on. I immediately took my medicine and went to bed. I woke up a few hours later with a BLINDING headache. I had Bryan heat up my... I don't know what to call it... bag of corn? Heating bag of kernels that don't pop into yummy food? Anyways, it was so hot that it made lava seem like ice cream. And it didn't help. He rubbed my back, nada. I knew that this was a loosing battle. I had no medicine, none of my tricks were working. I was completely. screwed. 

I started to cry, and Bryan begged me to stop because it would only get worse. Finally, I started to feel really nauseous. And then I knew, this wasn't going to go away. There is no way I would be able to fight this. It was now 1:30 in the morning and I told Bryan that I needed help. I needed to go to the hospital. 

A few minutes that I don't really remember later, we were at the hospital. Bryan gave them all my information, and we got moved into a room in the back. The nurse asked me a ton of questions that I again, don't remember. I was really just focusing on not throwing up. I don't remember asking, but Bryan got on of those bags that you throw up in from the front desk and kept it close to me. 

Finally, the doctor arrived and asked me more questions. Again, I don't really remember what he asked me. But I DO remember him moving to touch my the back of my head. He asked if it hurt, and I remember saying yes. Then he tilted my head up, which was a REALLY bad idea cause I threw up every where. I managed to block my mouth with my hand, and Bryan moved the bag in front of my face, so I hope I didn't get it on the ol' Doc. But I did manage to get it on me, my pillow, and a little bit on Bryan. 

I honestly can't tell you WHY a migraine gets to a certain point where you cannot hold your stomach. I think that the pain just gets so bad that you have to relieve pressure somewhere. I don't know. All I know is that other migraine-sufferers that I have spoken to will base how bad the migraine is on 1. how blurred your vision is and b. if you are nauseous and/or throw up.

So, the doctor, now standing across the room from me, probably terrified of getting more nastiness on his white coat,  said he'd like me to get a CT scan and that they were going to give me a shot and I'd have to wait there for a while. In came the morphine. I remember that I kept telling myself not to tense up, cause then my butt would hurt forever, but due to the communication problems between my brain and I, I tensed. And my butt STILL hurts. TMI? Oh well. Once you say it in blog-land you can't un-say it. All you can do is issue an apology or tell them to go fly a kite. Guess which one I'll pick if people get offended? 

On the plus side, I got to ride in a wheel chair to the room with the donut machine. The only bad thing is that I barely remember the ride, or the test itself. I do remember waking up in the original room and kind of zoning in and out of consciousness. One time, Bryan tripped on something and almost went down into a bunch of cabinets. Which is hilarious now that I'm thinking about it. The doctor gave me a prescription for Vicodin and we left. It was about 4 at this time. I don't remember the ride home or getting into bed. All I know is that I stayed there for the next 13 or so hours. 

It was fun. Doesn't it sound fun? I know. Everyone wishes they were me.

Can I say one thing though? I wish, wish, WISH that Bryan would get a migraine. I wish that he would just get ONE, horrible, rotten, no-good migraine where he was throwing up and thinking that being shot in the head would feel better than this migraine continuing. Because, Boy doesn't know how to be sympathetic at all. On Tuesday, he asked me, "What's wrong with you? Why are you still messed up?" It's like... seriously? 

Brains have to sustain SOME kind of damage after a migraine happens. And brains need to heal. Sleeping for almost 24 hours is not enough to get your brain functioning back to normal, where you can go to work, unpack boxes and cook dinner. No siree!

Cook your own damn tacos, is what I say.

Things I'm Crazy About

1.) Young House Love

John and Sherry Petersik share their journey with the 54 year old ranch house they purchased in 2006. I've been a follower for almost a year and a half, I have read every. single. entry. that they have posted, and was giddy with excitement when they brought Clara into the world. They are a great couple that try to do their best in all things, and they have GREAT taste. 

2.)  Spring 2011, Alexander McQueen

Sarah Burton, who was Alexander McQueen's right hand woman before he passed a while ago, put out a GREAT Spring line this year. She definitely didn't go as crazy as McQueen is known for, but I'm loving the dresses. The dresses have a Nature theme, which is fitting for Spring. Love it! 

3.)  Barnes and Noble Nook

I love my Nook. It is basically the best tech thing that I have ever purchased... Besides my laptop. Or my phone. Okay. It's actually the only "techie" thing that I have ever purchased. My iPod was a gift from my friend Katie, and is now four years old. So... yeah. But its amazing. And it's going to get me in all kinds of trouble with the husband, but I mean, there are worse things that spending $6.99 a few times a month, right? Right!

4.) Candie's Bradley Tall Boots

These boots? SO CUTE. And comfortable. How do I know? I bought them. :) They are originally $79.99 and I bought them for $34.99. BOOM.

5.) Subway Tile / White Kitchens

(Images found via Google Images)

I have kitchen on the brain. I don't care if it is trendy to have white subway tile as the back-splash in the kitchen. It looks so clean, so airy. I could spend all day in any of these kitchens. I'm planning on having white subway tile with very light gray grout lines, with granite countertops and white cabinets. The granite will be white with the black and gray flecks and all my appliances will be black. My accent color with always be changing. Ahhhh... I die. I DIE. 

6.) Autumn

(Images found via Google Images)

Last night, Bryan and I had the door open so that our cat could explore the backyard. Bryan snuggled against me and said that he loved this time of year and that he couldn't wait to bundle up and go on walks, drink hot cocoa and watch movies on overcast days. I was feeling the exact same way. I love when Fall rolls around. It is such a beautiful time of year. 

7.) When my desk goes from this:

To this:

That pile of papers on the right are my "projects" thus they are always there. But it is a LOT smaller pile than usual. So that is good. I really want to get a few pieces of art or something for that white wall underneath the light. I hate looking at it. Its so BORING. I need a view, ya know. Something pretty. I have an idea so we'll see if it happens. 

What are some things you are crazy about?

Rug Rules

I don't think I have ever purchased a rug that wasn't for the kitchen or bathrooms... And maybe one or two mat's for guests to wipe their feet before they come into the house. Needless to say, I am not an expert when it comes to rugs. 

When you walk into the front door of our house, there is an entry way that leads to what I can only call a "great room". Even though it is not huge, it encompasses three different living areas. A sitting area, the living room and the dining area (which is on a raised foundation). 

Now, this great room is weird. It was weird when we first bought the house and we have been trying to, well, un-weird it. The house was built in the late 70s, and it used to have something called a conversation pit. The only reason I know this is because Denise was explaining our house to her coworkers and apparently one of them had been to our house way back in the day and called it a conversation pit. Small world, right? 

Still wondering what in the heck a conversation pit is? Here are a few I found.


This one is actually from some Museum of Art. Come to see our very colorful, artistic piano? Or how about our artistic bookcases? What kind of stinkin' art museum is this?

(Source: LA Times Blog)

This one is from the 80s. I bet ours looked a lot like this one.

(Source: Ugly House)

This one reminds me of the pit that was in Get Him to the Greek.  Except it had a bright green couch.

(Source: Flickriver)

Ours is basically concrete steps leading down to an area with a concrete bench that surrounds the perimeter. Super comfortable, right? I know. Maybe it had carpet on it at one time or another. The previous owners were obviously not conversationalists and they built a wood sub-floor to level the room and create a crawl space/storage area. Along with this genius idea they decided it would be prudent to put a trap door in the middle of this wood floor... which is so easy to hide when you glue wood flooring squares to the wood sub-flooring. Plus the large metal handle gave it away... Like I said, genius. 

Bryan and I (mainly Bryan) ripped up the wood flooring, down came the wall that separated the sitting area to the living room, and we carpeted the whole ding dang thing, and here is a picture of the trap door.

I'm thinking of submitting that picture to that Kodak photography contest this year. It's art, people. ART. Are you wondering what the heck rugs have to do with any of this? Why I went off on some wild tangent of conversation pits? 

WE HAVE TO HIDE THE TRAP DOOR. Duh. If you didn't make that leap, I don't think I can help you. Who cares if you didn't ASK for help. I can't help you. 

Now, that is our first problem. The second problem is that we bought engineered flooring from Lumber Liquidators that is a deep, darkish, not-red-in-any-way color and our dining room table is that light oak color. They clash. It looks awesome. So, another rug is needed. 

And of course, Bryan, love of my life that he is, insists on having a rug in the entryway. Because his sole purpose in life is to complicate mine. This super reasonable and not hard at all request now requires me to find three rugs that will all be in the same space. 

So, I've been pursuing different websites and stores and I really had no idea what I was doing. I mean, how do you LIKE a rug? It's just a...rug! Basically, I would go to a website, and control-click on the rugs I liked so that it would bring up a separate tab. Then, I would look at all the different tabs and I started to find that a lot of the rugs had defined similarities. The colors were often cool tones, the patterns not busy... I could definitely see a pattern. The other pattern I saw was that most of them were in the $250-$300 range, which was not in the budget. Especially since I needed three rugs. 


Now, armed with a defined preference in rugs and a budget in mind, I had to decide what I was going to do about three rugs in the same room. 

Three of the same rug? No. That sounds like a bad idea, even to me. Pretend that each room is separate and buy a rug that fits that particular room? Eh... That didn't sound good either. I was talking to Kari about it and she reminded me that I could ask Stacie. Stacie is Alison's sister-in-law and went to school for interior design. So I text messaged her and she said three different rugs, that coordinate. Whew. Done and done. 

A few weeks ago at Lowes, I fell in love with this rug, the price, and the fact that it matches the vibe I want my house to project.We went last night after dinner and Bryan approved of it. We bought a 5x8 for $129. Such a great price!

I'd been thinking all day about what type of rug to get for the dining area. I felt that a natural fiber, soft rug that had dark and light wood tones with cushion the blow of the two opposite woods being next to each other. We looked, and found one that had different tones of brown and a black border. The rug we bought was a 8x10 and it was $139, I think... I couldn't find it on Lowes.com but I'll post an update later. 


***Updated to conclude picture of Rug***


Our rug looks a lot more... Brown than this... Oh well. 

Once everything is in I'll take pictures. Hopefully, I won't hate it and have to buy and return a million rugs. :)