A Weekend Away

Weekends bridge the gap between work days and are always something to look forward to. As much as I was excited for this weekend I wondered how I would do being away from Shepherd for the first time. I have not spent one night away from my baby since he was born.

I knew I needed this weekend. I knew that I needed to get away, to make an effort in a rekindled friendship, to feel a bit a freedom. Spread my wings, if you will.

It was delightful. I spent time talking about girl things. I laid on the beach. I read a book. I walked around the Venice Canals. I shopped. I had pretentious coffee and ate foods out of my comfort zone. I laughed. I indulged in pazookies from BJ's Brewhouse.

However, the whole time I had Shepherd on the brain. Every single moment there was the tinge of something missing. It was like I was walking around not wearing pants. You know?

I always knew I wasn't going to be a mom that refused to have girl weekends or get away. It's just not me. I have always had a problem with feeling like I was trapped. That I didn't have the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted and I was worried that motherhood would feel like that. And it does, a lot of the time because my life is no longer mine. My interests have to be tempered so that his best interests are met. I cannot spend all day watching Veronica Mars because he needs to be stimulated and to burn energy and explore. Similarly, I can't spend all day out and about running to and fro because he needs rest and naps.

Bryan has always been very generous with me about needing to get out. Even it's just to run an errand or go to Target. I do not just want to be a wife, mother and employee. I need to have time to just be unfiltered Megan.

That is what this weekend was. I was just Megan. I liked it. I had fun hanging out with Denise and her roommates. I liked being in a big city lost in the shuffle. I am refreshed and renewed.

I need to be Megan. But, even though most days I feel like I suck at it, I love being a wife and mom. Coming home to my boys felt like the moment you put the last piece in the puzzle. Complete satisfaction.

Prepping for Hawaii

*Psst - sorry this is a day late! This weekend was crazy due to celebrating my wonderful sister Kari's 30th birthday! Happy birthday, Kari. I would blog about it but I didn't take any pictures, I was too busy enjoying the games and dealing with my crotchety kid! xoxo - Merg

-

Life is crazy busy right now for me and I love it. It keeps time moving quickly and helps me to stay on track. Between working out and planning Shepherd's birthday party, I'm starting to get a game plan together on our vacation to Hawaii.

We are starting to talk about money and costs while we are there, adventures we want to have, what we will need to buy on our trip, etc. I am SO excited but it is starting to get really real, especially in terms of money! 

More than that though, I am faced with the knowledge that in three months I am going to be traveling for the first time on a plane with a child. A wild child. As of this moment, this wild boy has never been to a large body of water and I have never been a parent to a boy playing next to a large body of water. This is disconcerting in many ways, but mostly because I have come to realize that my relaxing and lounging days on the beach while my sister keeps tabs on her kids are over and I will be the one chasing after a child and warning him not to eat, throw or stuff sand down his pants. 

On Sunday, Bryan and I wanted to get out of the house and have an adventure so we opted to hit up our dry river. I thought this was brilliant because Shepherd would get to play in sand. Then all we would have to do is introduce him to a large body of water and we should be golden for Hawaii. 

Of course, he loved it. Of course, he tried to eat it. 

He had a great time crawling around in the sand and I wondered why I even worried. This kid loves new things. Well, most things. He freaked out when I came out of the bedroom wearing a face mask from Target. I totally understand though, because this terrifies even me.... and it IS me! 

You can't see it but I am smiling and I am also not naked. I'm wearing a cami. Shepherd's bottom lip popped out and he was scared! It was hilarious. 

The dogs loved being able to roam around free and the weather was perfect. It was such a nice family day and it totally got me excited for when instead of a dried up river, we are parked on a beautiful beach! 

Here are some photos we managed to snap. The sun was super bright so of course my eyes are mostly closed. Oh well, this is my life.

Our Gender Party...

It's becoming more and more common these days for expecting parents to host a gender reveal party, so that all of their family and friends find out the sex of the baby at the same time.

I love this idea! It may not be something I would do for every child, but the first baby is a big deal. Plus, I feel like it's a really nice way for the parents to give to their families. We all know that baby showers and diaper parties are really helpful tools when having a baby, since everything is so expensive.

I like that gender reveals are the parents essentially giving their families a big THANK YOU and BE INVOLVED party, complete with sweets. :)

Unfortunately, our house is not party friendly. We have really been slacking in the cleaning/decorating departments. Fortunately, my Mom and Larry offered to host for us. What a blessing!

Ours was a gender reveal almost like any other except with a little twist. Most gender parties have a cake or cupcakes or other treat that you and/or your guests slice/bite into and everyone finds out the gender at the same time.

Of course, I wanted ours to be a little different.

I cannot seriously say that I am the first person to have done this, but I will say that I had not heard of anyone finding out at random.

We started with finding a baker who would make our cupcakes. I wanted them very simple - white cupcakes with white/vanilla frosting and metal/dark liners. I told the baker that I only wanted one cupcake to have the inside dyed the appropriate color. I did not want frosting in the middle. I hate frosting in the middle of my cupcakes. Ick.

The day of our ultrasound, we had given the technician two envelopes, two gender cards that Bryan and I had filled out beforehand and we asked her to seal them in the envelopes, one with the ultrasound slide of the babies gender and one with just the reveal card. We asked her to note on the envelope which one contained the picture.

This is the card I made:

Ours was date specific, but here is a free printable if you'd like!! :)

When we got home, we stuck the envelopes in my Bible. Neither of us were tempted, but just in case we had a moment we'd have to crack open the Good Book to get it and I figured the guilt would stop us!!

Anyways, I gave the baker the envelope without the ultrasound photo and she delivered these cupcakes earlier the day of the party. I will be honest with you. RSVPs are crucial for a gender reveal like this. I had 40 people RSVP, and I had to order 4 dozen (48) cupcakes. I asked Jessica (the baker) to separate the cupcakes into different boxes. You are supposed to plan on  about10% of people who RSVP to no-show. So I asked Jessica to separate it with 37 cupcakes (including the special cupcake) in marked boxes and the extra 11 in another.

I am so happy I did this because we had 8 people that didn't show!!!

When we received the cupcakes, I set the boxed 11 aside, and put all 37 on the stand and next to it. I had made name tags for each person scheduled to attend so my friends and I stuck them in randomly. I figured that if someone didn't show that didn't let me know ahead of time (there were two) it went against the odds that one of them would end up with that cupcake.

While we were waiting for everyone to arrive, we had lemon bars, chocolate chip cookies, coffee, tea, water and hot cocoa out for people to snack on. 

Finally, it was time! I was chomping at the bit, I tell ya!

I calmed the crowd and as you can see in the very unflattering photo above, explained the rules.

GENDER REVEAL GAME RULES -

1. Each person had an assigned cupcake - no fighting!
2. Only one person will have the middle of their cupcake be colored to match the gender. We do not know what the gender is or which person has the cupcake. Blue = boy. Pink = Girl. (Yes, I stated this. You can never be too careful.)
3. Everyone will grab their cupcake and wait patiently before biting into it.
4. We (the parents) will let you know when to take a bite so we can do it all at the same time.
5. TAKE A BIG BITE.
6. As soon as you see what it is, call it out LOUD.
7. DO NOT CONTINUE EATING THE CUPCAKE. We will have a replacement for you so we can take pictures.
8. If you have the cupcake and you do not call it out immediately, I get to punch you. Hard. (I quickly amended this to include everyone except my Grandma, cause she's feisty and will totally kick my butt.)
9. If no one got the special cupcake (meaning they were one of the few left from no-shows), Bryan and I would each get another chance. Then we'd randomly select people until there were no cupcakes left.

Once everyone had their cupcakes (there were more people standing in the kitchen and sitting on the couch.)

We said loudly to TAKE A BITE!!!! And everyone did! All of a sudden, we heard a squeal and I look over to see MY MOM! She had the cupcake!! Instead of being able to say anything, she just showed it me! So I called it out...

And she totally started crying!!!

Bryan's Mom, Sylvia and the best Mother-in-law ever rushed to give me a hug before things got chaotic. Once my mom stopped crying, she rushed over to hug me and hand over the goods. :)

There it was. Blue. A son!

Joy, laughter and calls of rigging the game filled the room. We immediately started picture taking. It was at this moment, however that I realized I forgot the most important rule. No Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. until us parents posted it. We had family out of town anxiously awaiting the news and I will forever be sad that we didn't get to notify them before others posted it on Facebook. But very quickly I paused photo taking and Bryan and I sent this text and uploaded it to every social networking site we subscribe to.

We had already picked out the name for a boy and a girl (we'll save the girl name for the next baby) so Bryan had both versions ready to go!

I feel like I look mischievous and Bryan looks stunned. Haha!

Then pictures started again. You can see Bryan tending to the phone in the background. :)

My father-in-law Rick, with a smug look on his face. He knew it was a boy, so he brought a boy fishing pole!

My lovely sister Kari, also pregnant! She's about 12 days behind me. We will have cousin brothers!! 

My mom and Larry!

My sister, Alison, couldn't make it so we Skyped her and the family in!!

My feisty grandmother. She is over 70 but runs circles around me.

The Gaston Clan - Bryan's mom, step-dad and sisters and brother. 

Bryan's Mom!

Shepherd's Godmother, Denise.

After a bunch more pictures, that I haven't hounded people for yet and my own that I haven't uploaded, Bryan and I opened the second envelope that contained the gender card and the ultrasound photo of our boys uh...junk? Haha! We'll put this picture and those items in his baby book. 

 By the end of the party, our phones were blowing up, I was exhausted and ready to actually EAT my cupcake. We took it easy.

We also asked Hunter, our cousin, to be Shepherd's Godfather. It was a special time for us for sure.

I'm sure you are dying to see more than the millions of photos I posted here, so I'll be posting more pictures as I get them.

*These photos were taken by our life-group member and friend, Ryan Newton. He did it as a favor to us and I am so grateful to him!

What's In A Name?

Before I start, I'm going to just preface this with a warning; It might get heavy.. I apologize.

Since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of having a family. My family had a lot of faults, and I always dreamed of the time that I could do it better. Differently. Do the things with my family that I wish I had growing up.

Most of the time, I am terrified at the thought of having a kid. On one hand, I'm like ahh, so cute. On another I'm like, diapers, spit up, no time, no sleep, loud noises... The actual birthing process... yikes. Shaking in my boots over here.

But, when I'm not freaking myself out about all that, and I allow myself the luxury of dreaming about it, I picture talking to my little 5 year old little girl. The way she looks always changes... sometimes she has my brown hair, Bryan's green eyes... Sometimes she has Bryan's black hair with my brown eyes and nose... it's always different.

I picture myself sitting with her and brushing her hair back and telling her about her name. My middle name. Lauriana. Showing her the pictures of the wall in the cemetery where her great-great-great-great grandmother is laid to rest. Where her name is painted onto a wall that crumbles more with every year. I'm showing her the pictures of when I was nine years old, standing by the wall, and when I took her daddy to go see it. How I anticipated her, talked with her Dad constantly about having a little girl and giving her a name that I love, that I'm proud of.

It's weird how a name can mean so much. I've spoken before about my Dad. About how I associate my life with a marker of his alcoholism. That the destruction of my family fell on my shoulders since I was the last one at home. It was awful. I have always felt... No... I feel that I was a last ditch effort to safe a marriage and only succeeded in making the pressure of life worse. Another mouth to feed? FOUR GIRLS?? Lots of emotional juice flowing for my Dad to use as a crutch for his alcoholism.

I never knew my Mom and Dad as a happy couple. I have few memories of the good times. But I always, always had my name. I had a special name. My sisters were Alison Marie, Kari Anne - perfectly good, solid names. But my middle name had flair. Megan Lauriana. It was a family name. My Mom told me that she wanted to have that as my first name, but thinking of a little kindergartner trying to spelling a first name with eight letters and a last name with eight letters made her think it was too much. I was sad when she told me that. Lauriana is just a beautiful name. Comparing Megan to Lauriana is like apples and oranges. Like an In-N-Out Burger to McDonalds. Ugh.

I swore, when I have a little girl, I would name her Lauriana. I would pass my name on... and hope that she loved it as much as I did, and maybe used it as a middle name for her daughter... or even a first name. Even if she doesn't, no problem. I just hope she loves it. And that she doesn't shorten it to Lauri. Eeek. :)

I mentioned in the last post that I went to the Azores. We went to two islands, Terceira and San Jorge. My maternal grandmother is from San Jorge and so is her mother, Mable and so is Mabel's mother - Lauriana. I took Bryan to the little cemetery where my middle name and our future daughters name is on the wall. A poor woman's grave marker.

Just this moment, taking Bryan to see something that means so much to me, that I dream of showing my future little chick, was worth the fact that I spent 95% of the trip sick as a dog from catching a cold on the plane.

Lucky me.

I Have Returned

It feels so good to be home. To be sitting on my couch with my animals, to be in America! Bryan and I went off to the Azores, Portugal to relax, rest and spend time with family. I have SO MUCH to blog about, so once I upload all my pictures and get settled, I'll be posting like crazy. 

:)

So There I Was...

Ready and willing to put some posts together to show you and then my husband's appendix decided to claw it's way out from the inside. Therefore, an emergency surgery commenced and my poor slept-on-a-hospital-floor back refused to unkink.

Projects took the back burner while my main man healed. Things should be back to their regularly scheduled programming now that he's up and at 'em again.

Oh. you know what I love to see? A vulnerable man. Here are some gratuitious pictures of our time in the ER.

Bryan was drinking the iodine so that he could receive a CT scan to confirm that he needed surgery.

 Okay, so a little story about the above picture. We were confirmed for surgery and told that the doctor would either do it "really late at night or first thing in the morning." We transferred to the hospital and started the waiting game. Bryan's mom and dad left, and Bryan started a movie to pass time. I asked if the hospital had one of those reclining chairs, and was told that "We don't encourage the family to stay." I wanted to pop off and say, I'm not "family" I'm his WIFE. It's not like we have 30 people in here. Instead, I asked if I could get a blanket, because 1. I am smart. 2. You should ALWAYS be extra nice to your nurses. It makes all the difference in the world.

Anyways, The two chairs that were in the room were terrible, so I, sadly, made a space on the floor. I slept about three and a half hours before I was wide awake again. I walked around the hospital, spoke with some nurses, talked to my boss (who is always awake at an ridiculous hour) and played on my phone.

Finally, the nurse walks in and says it's time. This was about 5:45 in the morning. They prepped Bryan and took us back to the waiting area. That is where I snapped the picture of Bryan smiling like a goof-ball. The fact that he was wide awake, alert and smiling when I had slept on the floor (and my back was KILLING ME), for less than three hours, and now had to wait (alone*) for him to NOT DIE in surgery made me love him... and hate him. Because he is one of the happiest people I know.

So that picture up there makes we want to smile and club him all at the same time. Which is a spot on representation of how I feel about him most of the time. :)


*At the time that I took this picture, I thought I was going to be waiting alone. Luckily, my father-in-law saved me with coffee and a muffin. Then, after the surgery when we went back to the room, his Mom was there waiting for us. Love them so much!

Things Aren't Always Level

After a few months weeks of downtime I finally have something to blog about. Can ya believe it? I can't. I honestly just lost my passion. I'm frustrated with my weird living room. I'm frustrated by my weird pieced together furniture. I know what I want my house to look like, but doing it myself and having the money to do it is just plain hard. Don't even ask me about hiring someone to do it. Yikes.

A few weeks ago, Bryan asked me why I hadn't blogged in a while. To which I replied, "I have nothing to say." I want to be like these people. And her. And her too. Funny, witty, charming. A husband and wife duo. A wife that likes to watch her husband build things. Decor savvy. 

Hi. My name is Megan, and I am none of those things. I kind of suck. Not because I think I can't figure out how to do these things, but because I feel like it's going to look weird. Or my vision isn't going to come out right. Or holding a extremely thin shelf and a level at the same time plus marking where I am supposed to drill is way, waaaay beyond my coordination levels. And, my husband says I suck at hammering. Well pooh to him.

I know I've written about this stuff before. And I always have a revelation as to why I should, could and how to get around those problems. Yeah, I got nothing. But I figure that only a few people read this blog and I know most of 'em. I should be able to fail without utter humiliation. If I do suffer some humiliation, well, everyone needs to be brought to their knees, right?

Bryan doesn't like me to try things because I don't know what I'm doing. (He's right.) And if I mess up, I'll have to spend more money to fix it.(Correct, again!) Well, I'll never learn if I don't try. Money is important, but it's not everything. If I have put buying those bookcases on hold or put another project on the back-burner in order to fix a botched mission, so be it. Who cares.

Luckily for you, I had this revelation a few weeks ago. So I've got some projects to show you. All I've gotta do is take pictures. And write posts. 

Here are a few things I've got going on:

-bulletin board make over
-custom buttons
-hat rack
-home organization
-Renovating a kitchen nook
-building a custom office desk
-DIY art

Stick around. Things could get interesting. Or disastrous. 

This Is One Way To Make Friends...

I'd like to start off this post by saying that I forgot to tell you something uber embarrassing last week. If you are anything like me, you think uber embarrassing stuff that happens to other people is hilarious but when it happens to you its mortifying. I'm a shy person and in an effort to be less shy I'll tell you this story.

I work at a school and I eat the same lunches the kids eat on most days. Before you roll your eyes and say "Ewwww." I'll tell you that our ladies make almost every meal from scratch and they are awesome. This is like home-cooked food. I love the food supervisor and one day she told me that she would never feed a meal to a child at school that she wouldn't feed to her children at home. She's a good, Christian lady and she and her team make some bomb-dot-com food.

So, we had turkey tacos on Thursday with veggies, Spanish rice and some sherbet. I had just eaten lunch and I walked outside and some kid was messing with a little kid, who looked close to crying. I was a bit hormonal last week, if you know what I mean, and I called the big kid over and just YELLED at him. There was a lot of "How  DARE you pick on this little kid. You are older than him and you should be protecting him! We do not tolerate any type of bullying in this school. Do you understand me?" The kid nodded his head but through the entire speech, he would not meet my eyes. He just kind of stared at my neck/upper chest area. So, I'm going on and on about how we treat other kids and I was getting all kinds of irritated with his not looking at me. I said, "And now, you don't even respect your elders enough to look at them when they talk to you!" And he looks up and says, "Sorry. But you have food on your shirt."

I kid you not, Internet. I look down and there are three pieces of Spanish rice on my blue shirt. I was mortified for a second and then I started laughing. I told him that it would have been nice if he had told me that earlier and I made him say sorry and he took off.  Freaking kids, man. Now every time I see him (which isn't super often, but often enough) he smiles at me  and waves. My new best friend.

Hope you enjoyed that little gem!

Tie It All Together

Have you noticed that I like to drop little bombs of information without much explanation and then come back and do a separate post about it? Because I just noticed that I do that and I had no idea. I just write and then when I re-read to edit I'm like, "oh, you mentioned purchases you are saving for and how you'd like to have get new seating for the living room. You should post about it!"

And yes, I did use the examples that I wrote about yesterday and am going to explain to you today and Monday. Because then, it becomes a full circle. I know you are just sitting on the edge of your seat thinking, "Oh, is she going to tell us about what she wants to save money for?" Because it's edge of the seat information! ...Okay, okay. Maybe not. But it is good to put it out there to try to hold yourself accountable. Which doesn't always work for me. (Like with my weekly goals.) 

The few major things that I want to purchase this year are the following:

1. A New Kitchen

2. Living Room Furniture

3. A Like-New Black Fridge

4. An Equipped Office For The Hubs

5. Bryan's Truck

6. Painting the House

A New Kitchen -

Bryan probably does not read this blog but if he is reading it now I assure you he is laughing at me. And shaking his head, thinking "Ain't gonna happen." I want to completely gut and redo our kitchen more than Lindsay Lohan needs to stay sober. Poor girl. I've been thinking and dreaming about what I want to do for the kitchen and I've been staying away from the Home Depot/Lowe's credit cards because if I have to, I'll use their 10% off and no interest for my kitchen and then make HUGE PAYMENTS (like we did on my wedding ring) to pay it off before the interest kicks in. Which is what I call "making the credit companies work for you instead of you working for them" I'm working on getting a shorter title. Regardless, it's the truth. Credit can be a good tool for people that utilize it the right way. Before we charge anything, Bryan and I think about what the monthly payment will be and how fast we can pay it off. We just refuse to be enslaved in credit. It's not worth it. 

Getting a new kitchen in 2011 is a pipe dream because if I invest in my kitchen, I'm not going to settle or go cheap. I'm going to be reasonable, but I'm also going to get an awesome kitchen that will be used as a major resell tool in ten years. I may have to wait until 2012, which is alright with me. 

Living Room Furniture -

Here is the deal. My sister, Alison and her husband Mark got married in 2003. Shortly after that (I honestly have no idea when) they purchased living room furniture, and had it until they moved to San Diego in like... 2007 or somewhere near there. I have a horrible memory. Then, they gave it to my sister Kari and her husband Adam in 2008 or 2009. Again, memory! Jeez. Well then Kari and Adam gave it to Bryan and I in 2009. It's been love, love loved. But, its old. And the pillows are starting to tear, and its a white couch and boy does it look dirty. DIRTAAAAY. (Which reminds me, I need to call that guy about cleaning it. Or do it myself since I don't, at the moment, have $150 bones to drop...) It's also just a couch and a chair, and with our really large living room, it doesn't "fit." All the Christmas cash I got is going to this purchase. This will be the next thing I buy. Unless I find a new-to-me black fridge first.

A Like-New Black Fridge -

Let's call a spade, a spade. If I can find a brand spanking new fridge at a good deal, I will snatch it up. The likelihood of that happening, however is slim to none. I want to spend no more than $350 on a fridge. And I really don't want anything fancy. I'd really just like either a normal refrigerator with an ice maker in the freezer or one of those spiffy nifty upside down fridges with the freezer on the bottom, but it still needs to have an ice maker. Obviously, if I'm able to purchase my kitchen, I'll buy a new fridge through that, but if not, I am so down with the respectfully used appliances. 

A Fully-Equipped Office for the Hubs -

You may be thinking that I want this for him. Let's remember that I am human and selfish and honestly, I need to hear some new music. I want Bryan to put out a new CD with some NEW SONGS so that I can groove to them. In order to do that though, he needs to have a working office where he can shut himself away for hours on end writing material and recording. Hours-on-end. Just enough time for me to get in some cheesey reality TV in. Love me some Kendra. Although I do like Hank more than Kendra. Hank is sweet and hot. She scored on that one. You like how I stay on point, huh? Bryan needs to get cracking on his music and I want him to have the tools to do so. This is a MUST this year. 

Bryan's Truck -

I can honestly say that Bryan and I have absolutely no other debt other than our house, his truck and my car. Actually, I'm lying, Bryan has a student loan but that loan was used to get the skills he has in Photoshop and those skills landed him his full time gig at a local credit union. So, it's the good kind of debt. Back to the bad debt we have, I don't want the bank to own our house and cars. And you have to start somewhere, right? I want to own his truck. By December 2011 I will have the pretty pink title in my hand and we'll be down to a car and a house. 2012, I will add to my pink pile with my car's title. I want to OWN our vehicles. Not the credit union. So it shall be. Just watch. :)

Painting Our House -

I have no recollection of posting about the horror we went through with this dude we hired and he jacked us over. But it happened. We paid him $1000 and all we got was an almost finished wood floor and some second-rate tools. Oh, and a really tall ladder. Which is handy for us short people... When we really wanted our house painted. Freaking jerk. Oh well. We were gracious and he'll have to answer for his decisions someday just like I will, and I'm going to take the high road. Now, Bryan and I still need to get the house painted and I'm hoping that Bryan will change his mind and he'll say that we should just do it. We have enough Vickers boys that can come over and help. We'll bribe them with pizza and beer. (Stop shaking your head "no" Bryan! It'll be cheaper!) Right now, our house is yellow, with white trim and red shutters. Except for the parts that we painted white because of our appraisal for the loan. Basically the house looks janky. And we're shooting to paint it in the early spring-time.

So, those are the big-money items I want to invest in this year. Obviously, lots of things can happen between now and then, but hopefully 2011 is a smooth year and we're able to knock all of this out! What a blessing that would be! 

Resolve To Change

I have been thinking a lot about what I want to change in my life. The list is never-ending. In order to keep my sanity, I've decided to only focus on four things this year.  

1. Get Fit & Get Active

The first challenge I have to face is to change my eating habits and get more exercise. (As I type this I am eating a banana. Yay for me!) Even though I love my dear hubby so much, the boy has the worst eating habits in the world. We are also lazy. Which is not a great combination. I am the cook in the family, so Bryan cleans the kitchen. Therefore, he HATES for me to cook because then he has to clean. He talks me out of cooking all the time, appealing to my lazy side. We always end up arguing and I get so frustrated that I take on the mentality that I'm not making him a ding-dang thing because if I do some Ex-lax might end up hidden in his plate by mistake! Oh just kidding...maybe. But I've got to stop letting him win. I need to cook. I need to eat healthy, homemade meals so that I don't eat Burger King and become even fatter than I already am. I'm told that everyone gains weight their first year of marriage. Well fine, but this is the second year and I'm ready for a change!

2. Challenge My Marriage

Bryan and I met when we were just kids. It's my opinion that a lot of the time, we revert back to our childhood selves when we deal with certain things. Also, I am a ridiculously hopeless romantic. I love to be romanced. And its a deal-breaker, ladies. (In the words of Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. Love that show!) Luckily, Bryan knows this about me so its not a shock. Unluckily, he has a hard time understanding that even though I am a romantic, I don't need huge grand gestures. While I love the random big bouquet of roses and jewelry, I would rather have 'small feedings', if you will, of romance. For example, a note tucked under my pillow to find when I go to sleep or in pair of pajama pants to find the next time I wear them. Waking up to a hot cup of coffee on my nightstand. Having dinner cooked for me without the obligation to clean afterwards. These 'small feedings' are simple and take little effort, but make a huge difference in my life and the way I feel about my boo.

When I talk (read: complain) to Bryan about needing these things, he has asked me, what do I do for him? How do I appeal to his love language? I may be able to list a few things but it's not as much as I should. I don't show him enough how much I love him. More often than not, I hide the fact that if something were to happen to him, it would destroy me. I don't want him to know just how deep my affection is for him. I'm scared that it will be used against me. It's not right. 

Bryan and I decided that we were going to do The Love Dare. We watched the independent film Fireproof  right before we got married and even with the weird acting, it had a powerful message. A message that stuck with me. I want a strong marriage. I want us to be able to withstand anything that life throws our way. It's important that we actively seal any cracks that come into our marriage so that termites can't get in and eat at the foundation of our marriage. 

I haven't spoken with Bryan about how comfortable he feels with sharing our journey on my blog, but I'm hoping to be able to!

3. Walk With God

I used to have this amazing, deep spiritual relationship with our Creator. And I let it go. I'd try to get back into it and each time my walk would be attacked to the point that I stopped trying. Something that Bryan and I were told for our first year is to enjoy each other. If we wake up on Sunday and want to go to church, go. If we want to stay in bed and talk, then do it. Because of Bryan's work schedule, we didn't go to a whole lot of church. For our first anniversary, we resolved that it was time to attend church every Sunday. Since October 25, we have only missed three Sundays. We are slowly but surely getting back to where we were a very, very long time ago. And this is something I want to develop even further. 

4.Get Unpacked and Organized

Don't judge me. We moved into our house in September.... And I still have most of our life in boxes. Honestly, there are few reasons why that is. The biggest is that I am lazy. But the second reason is that I've always lived in very small houses. When Bryan and I lived together (not good, don't recommend it.) we lived in a very nice sized house. Then we ended our relationship and it really was just like going through a divorce. I took half and he took half. I moved into a two bedroom apartment with a roommate that was considerably smaller than the house we shared and ended up donating and selling a lot of furniture on Craigslist. The next two houses I lived in after that were tiny, too. And Bryan has very little furniture since his Dad kept the set he's used for the past 23 years of his life. All this to say, we have a house with over 1800 square feet and not a whole lot of furniture to put books and picture frames and candles. We also don't have a whole lot of storage. So things are slow going at the moment. It'll get there though. I'm sure of it.