We'll Be Seeing You...

Dear Second Baby,

I haven't seen you yet. Your momma likes to limit ultrasounds to just what is needed, so I didn't get to see you as a tiny little bean around eight weeks like most pregnant women. It's torturous, not having a picture of you and tangible proof that you are there. Sure, I feel you kicking and rolling around in your temporary home. And of course, the breakouts and nausea remind me that you are there, but a picture makes it so real. So do the kicks. Feel free to kick it up anytime you want. I won't complain! You can even kick my bladder. I love the reminders and so does your dad! He didn't get to feel Shepherd that much, because he was a bit terrified by it all. But this time around, he gets it. He even told me the other day that when I was asleep, he put his hand on my belly and thought he felt you! I was about 16 weeks, so that would be way earlier than with your brother, if it's true!

We are so excited for this afternoon. I am beside myself anxious/giddy to see your little black and gray face. I'll be a few days shy of 19 weeks, but I couldn't wait until after our trip to see you! I haven't been able to sleep, knowing that it's so soon! They'll check to make sure you are developing just fine and they'll see if you are a sweet little boy or a precious little girl, but we won't know until Saturday.

Your aunts and Grandma are making us do a gender reveal and it's been trying my patience. I just want to know what you are! I want to be able to say "she's kicking the heck out of me!" or "he's pressing on my bladder and I need to pee ALL THE TIME!" Mostly, I want to give you a name (if your dad and I can ever agree on one.) and to tell your big brother that he is going to have either a little brother or sister around Christmas time. Instead of asking Shep, "Where is our baby?" and have him point to my belly, I'll get to ask "Where is your sister?" or "Where is your brother?".

But...I'll work through my impatience. I'll wait an extra seventeen hours so that we can all find out together. It will be special and will give you your own moment, just like your brother had his. This time, it's just going to be our immediate family - your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It'll be more intimate this way and less stressful on me. We are leaving to Oregon the next day so there is enough stress to go around!

I hope you know that I'm doing everything I can to give you the very best start on the day you decide to come (preferably near your due date or later - NOT earlier! Listen to your mother.) I'm making big changes so we can have a natural, easy birth. I want nothing more than for you to come into the world in a safe and welcoming environment. I'm praying and working towards a different start for us, baby, but no matter what, we are in it together. Pre-eclampsia or not, we'll make it work. It'll be worth it all to hold you and love on you.

Your dad and I will do anything we need to do for you to be happy, healthy and to thrive.

You are loved, our precious second! See you soon.

xoxo,

Momma