Saturday, March 21, 2009

Sometimes You Just Have

to get away.

Sometimes there is nothing left to do except remove yourself from a situation to get the whole picture.

I guess that for the past few weeks stress has been building up, and I finally need a break. I've exceeded my tolerance level. I know everyone gets to that breaking point and I believe what you do when you reach it defines a part of you.
Some people drink, get migraines, yell, scream, throw things, cuss, cry, run, hide and even turn to sex. Some people talk to friends, write in journals or blogs, talk to pastors, pray, or even speak with psychiatrists. Obviously ways of dealing with stress and anger can be healthy or unhealthy. I'm not sure which one my relief would be under.

Most of the time when stress builds I either have a pampering day, I write on here or I talk to my friends and I pray. A lot of the time I get migraines... but sometimes I just leave. I get to a point that I have to get away. have a change of scenery. Breathe. To think and reflect and decide which way to go... what path to take.

Today is one of those days. I'm so confused that I need to get away to breathe fresh air. To relax and unwind. I'm upset and hurt and frustrated.

So many times i've heard that the nice guy finishes last. I feel like that guy (well, girl) and it makes me so mad.

I try really hard on a daily basis to make good decisions, to go out of my way for people, to be nice and let my actions prove that i'm a good person. But people mistake my shy personality for something more haugty and unapproachable. They think my way of living is unrealistic and judgmental. They mistake my generosity something ugly. They twist my words to use them against me. it makes me want to give up.

Now, don't get me wrong. I mess up. I have bad moods and I make sarcastic remarks that can hurt someone who doesn't understand my humor. I can be defensive when I feel attacked even when I'm not.

Even though I try to be complacent and helpful I always seem to get walked all over. Maybe that spine I was once known for has withered. Maybe I don't have the drive to fight anymore. Maybe is a season of my life that will pass. I honestly can't say.

I just need to breathe. to drive away from it all for 24 hours and reflect and revive. i'm only twenty minutes away and i'm already feeling better.


  1. megan, (this is rebekah - from high school!)
    my grandma has the same response from people; she is shy, but everyone just assumes that she's cold. for her, though, it has kept her real friends closer and truer.

    i really enjoy reading about what's going on in your life. you seem to be on the right track and making the right decisions and i'm happy for you.

    i'm sure that this is just one of those "in-your-early-20s-figuring-life-out" type of things.
    hang in there!

  2. hey sis..there is an award waiting for you at my blog. Check it out.... :)


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