Our Gender Party...

It's becoming more and more common these days for expecting parents to host a gender reveal party, so that all of their family and friends find out the sex of the baby at the same time.

I love this idea! It may not be something I would do for every child, but the first baby is a big deal. Plus, I feel like it's a really nice way for the parents to give to their families. We all know that baby showers and diaper parties are really helpful tools when having a baby, since everything is so expensive.

I like that gender reveals are the parents essentially giving their families a big THANK YOU and BE INVOLVED party, complete with sweets. :)

Unfortunately, our house is not party friendly. We have really been slacking in the cleaning/decorating departments. Fortunately, my Mom and Larry offered to host for us. What a blessing!

Ours was a gender reveal almost like any other except with a little twist. Most gender parties have a cake or cupcakes or other treat that you and/or your guests slice/bite into and everyone finds out the gender at the same time.

Of course, I wanted ours to be a little different.

I cannot seriously say that I am the first person to have done this, but I will say that I had not heard of anyone finding out at random.

We started with finding a baker who would make our cupcakes. I wanted them very simple - white cupcakes with white/vanilla frosting and metal/dark liners. I told the baker that I only wanted one cupcake to have the inside dyed the appropriate color. I did not want frosting in the middle. I hate frosting in the middle of my cupcakes. Ick.

The day of our ultrasound, we had given the technician two envelopes, two gender cards that Bryan and I had filled out beforehand and we asked her to seal them in the envelopes, one with the ultrasound slide of the babies gender and one with just the reveal card. We asked her to note on the envelope which one contained the picture.

This is the card I made:

Ours was date specific, but here is a free printable if you'd like!! :)

When we got home, we stuck the envelopes in my Bible. Neither of us were tempted, but just in case we had a moment we'd have to crack open the Good Book to get it and I figured the guilt would stop us!!

Anyways, I gave the baker the envelope without the ultrasound photo and she delivered these cupcakes earlier the day of the party. I will be honest with you. RSVPs are crucial for a gender reveal like this. I had 40 people RSVP, and I had to order 4 dozen (48) cupcakes. I asked Jessica (the baker) to separate the cupcakes into different boxes. You are supposed to plan on  about10% of people who RSVP to no-show. So I asked Jessica to separate it with 37 cupcakes (including the special cupcake) in marked boxes and the extra 11 in another.

I am so happy I did this because we had 8 people that didn't show!!!

When we received the cupcakes, I set the boxed 11 aside, and put all 37 on the stand and next to it. I had made name tags for each person scheduled to attend so my friends and I stuck them in randomly. I figured that if someone didn't show that didn't let me know ahead of time (there were two) it went against the odds that one of them would end up with that cupcake.

While we were waiting for everyone to arrive, we had lemon bars, chocolate chip cookies, coffee, tea, water and hot cocoa out for people to snack on. 

Finally, it was time! I was chomping at the bit, I tell ya!

I calmed the crowd and as you can see in the very unflattering photo above, explained the rules.

GENDER REVEAL GAME RULES -

1. Each person had an assigned cupcake - no fighting!
2. Only one person will have the middle of their cupcake be colored to match the gender. We do not know what the gender is or which person has the cupcake. Blue = boy. Pink = Girl. (Yes, I stated this. You can never be too careful.)
3. Everyone will grab their cupcake and wait patiently before biting into it.
4. We (the parents) will let you know when to take a bite so we can do it all at the same time.
5. TAKE A BIG BITE.
6. As soon as you see what it is, call it out LOUD.
7. DO NOT CONTINUE EATING THE CUPCAKE. We will have a replacement for you so we can take pictures.
8. If you have the cupcake and you do not call it out immediately, I get to punch you. Hard. (I quickly amended this to include everyone except my Grandma, cause she's feisty and will totally kick my butt.)
9. If no one got the special cupcake (meaning they were one of the few left from no-shows), Bryan and I would each get another chance. Then we'd randomly select people until there were no cupcakes left.

Once everyone had their cupcakes (there were more people standing in the kitchen and sitting on the couch.)

We said loudly to TAKE A BITE!!!! And everyone did! All of a sudden, we heard a squeal and I look over to see MY MOM! She had the cupcake!! Instead of being able to say anything, she just showed it me! So I called it out...

And she totally started crying!!!

Bryan's Mom, Sylvia and the best Mother-in-law ever rushed to give me a hug before things got chaotic. Once my mom stopped crying, she rushed over to hug me and hand over the goods. :)

There it was. Blue. A son!

Joy, laughter and calls of rigging the game filled the room. We immediately started picture taking. It was at this moment, however that I realized I forgot the most important rule. No Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. until us parents posted it. We had family out of town anxiously awaiting the news and I will forever be sad that we didn't get to notify them before others posted it on Facebook. But very quickly I paused photo taking and Bryan and I sent this text and uploaded it to every social networking site we subscribe to.

We had already picked out the name for a boy and a girl (we'll save the girl name for the next baby) so Bryan had both versions ready to go!

I feel like I look mischievous and Bryan looks stunned. Haha!

Then pictures started again. You can see Bryan tending to the phone in the background. :)

My father-in-law Rick, with a smug look on his face. He knew it was a boy, so he brought a boy fishing pole!

My lovely sister Kari, also pregnant! She's about 12 days behind me. We will have cousin brothers!! 

My mom and Larry!

My sister, Alison, couldn't make it so we Skyped her and the family in!!

My feisty grandmother. She is over 70 but runs circles around me.

The Gaston Clan - Bryan's mom, step-dad and sisters and brother. 

Bryan's Mom!

Shepherd's Godmother, Denise.

After a bunch more pictures, that I haven't hounded people for yet and my own that I haven't uploaded, Bryan and I opened the second envelope that contained the gender card and the ultrasound photo of our boys uh...junk? Haha! We'll put this picture and those items in his baby book. 

 By the end of the party, our phones were blowing up, I was exhausted and ready to actually EAT my cupcake. We took it easy.

We also asked Hunter, our cousin, to be Shepherd's Godfather. It was a special time for us for sure.

I'm sure you are dying to see more than the millions of photos I posted here, so I'll be posting more pictures as I get them.

*These photos were taken by our life-group member and friend, Ryan Newton. He did it as a favor to us and I am so grateful to him!

A Fresh Start

2012 has ended (good riddance!) and we have all welcomed 2013.

I thought it was time for a new fresh blog design to really jump-start this year. It's simple with pops of color. I've been digging that a lot lately and I was wondering why when it hit me!

The past few months have been really hard. 2012 kind of took a huge dump on me at the end. But in between the trials, God sent me these bright, colorful happy times. He reminded me that there is always light in the darkness.

It is not something I will easily forget. I needed something to encourage me to keep going, not to succumb to the emotions and weight of these life events and He did not fail to provide them for me. I will look back on 2012 and try my hardest to cling to that faithfulness.

I will also remember 2012 as a year that brought Bryan and I closer than ever. We laughed more than 2011. We cried more too. We endured heartache and late night giggle-fests. He was my rock and my constant reminder than when other people turned their backs on me when I needed them most, he would be there. He would list off all our outrageous blessings when I got down in the dumps. He reminded me to be thankful.

And of course, I will always give 2012 a sloppy, wet, mushy kiss because I found out I was going to have a baby. Not just ANY baby though, a son. I saw his little shape on an ultrasound machine in 2012. I felt his kicks in 2012.

After we hugged and kissed 2012 out and 2013 in, we sat down and in the first few moments of 2013, Bryan felt Shepherd kick for the first time.

As I watched the wonder and excitement on his amazingly sexy face, I knew that 2013 would be a great year.

When There is Nothing Left

Lets recap:

1. Bryan lost his job.
2. I find out I'm pregnant
3. A big relationship in my life is altered
4. I turn 25 and announce my pregnancy - Dad is a no show, really no surprise there.
5. Bryan gets another job, finds out he is positive for tuberculosis, has to started intense medicine to be negative again. He will take them for nine months. They can cause complications with the liver.
6. Duey dies.
7. Bryan's dad has a massive heart attack.
8. Our new puppy, Sophie gets parvo. We spend a massive amount of money to save her life.
9. I have a 36 hour migraine, which causes me to miss nine hours of work, a Women's Christmas event at church, and an annual event, Wine & Chocolate downtown. Bummer.
10. Bryan dumps a cup of water all over his Mac book, which he needs to do his marketing work. This will result in us probably having to spend $2000 to get him a new computer, plus more with all the programs he needs for music and marketing.

But I get the pleasure of feeling our baby kick around and on Tuesday, we got to see our baby suck on its hand. On Saturday the 15th? We get to find out if it's a boy or a girl.

In the end you just have to hold on to hope. Hope for a better future, hope for relief in trials, hope that if you cling to God and push through, there will be an epic rainbow waiting for you.

Do It All

Every Saturday, I hit a new milestone in my pregnancy. This coming Saturday, I will hit 18 weeks. Everyone keeps asking me if I have found out if it's a little boy or girl yet. Apparently, with technology and the babies cooperation, many women find out at 14 weeks.

The doctors office that I was going to go through didn't set up my appointment until December 14, so we planned on having a gender reveal after that, near Christmas.

Now that I am with the midwife group, I need to cancel those appointments and figure out a new plan. I'm not rushed because I really don't want to hold on to that envelope for weeks and weeks before our gender party. I will most likely not be able to hold out.

I have my first prenatal appointment with my midwife on Friday. Obviously, I have had appointments with the doctor, but now that I've switched, I'm excited to get started.

We also start our Bradley Method classes on Thursday, which will be helpful for our home birth. We decided to go the Bradley Method route because it's partner based. Bryan will really have to step up and coach me and he'll have to get involved, which I think is great. They also teach lots of relaxation techniques to get through labor, which I'm hoping will also help me get through life. ;)

Outwardly, I'm doing well. My belly is growing, I feel better for the most part. Food is still a love/hate relationship, I am still exhausted, and I have a headache every day. I'm not joking. Head-pounding pain every single day. Its a real bummer, but I'm trying to work through it as much as possible.

Inwardly, I'm freaking out. Not about pregnancy or labor. I'm freaking out about all the details after the baby is born. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I've made it pretty known since I was younger. It's important to me that I raise my kids and not a stranger. Also, we can't really afford for a stranger to raise our babies. Obviously, I'm pretty bummed that it isn't to be. I will continue working my full-time job because I am the one with health insurance. There is no way around it.

When I let myself, I start to think about how I'm going to miss out on moments that I always saw myself being there for. I think about all the smiles and giggles I'll miss. All the cuddles and meals that I won't be there for. Someone else will get to experience that. Do these caretakers realize just how lucky they really are? To see all the things parents miss?

I know more than a few stay-at-home moms and I can't help but be frustrated by some of them. They complain about having to be home. Having to do the same thing all the time. Not having money to live the life they think they should (although most of them have nicer "things" than the people I know who work full time jobs, including myself!) They get to have a clean house, clothes, moments with their kids and they aren't grateful. They get caught up in the day to day and never stop to think "Wow. So many women are out there missing out on their children's and husbands lives, because 40 hours of their week is devoted to a job." On top of that, they have to do ALL the things you do, in less time, with more stress.

With any job, at home, at work, paid or unpaid, there are moments when you hate it. I get that. Being a stay-at-home mom is not fun all the time. But I'd rather invest in my home and family than invest in a company that isn't going to remember me when I'm gone. Family is what matters. What they remember is what will keep me alive, even when I'm in Heaven with the Big Guy. I'm not saying stay-at-homers don't have a right to complain because itis hard, messy and frustrating at times. I mean, who wakes up and thinks, "Yes! I get to change more diapers today!!!" But then again, who wakes up and thinks, "Score! I get to go to work for eight hours, balance their budget, pay their employees and bills, and then go home and balance our budget, pay our bills and motivate the husband to take out the garbage!" No one, ever.

It's just hard to hear it when you know that there isn't a glimmer of hope that you'll get to be there with your kid. You'll be chained to a desk because you don't have any other choice. And you have to take some of the money you make to give to a person who is getting to spend time with YOUR child.

I just try not to let myself think about it. Every time it creeps up and my heart starts to ache and I just mentally lift it to God and say "Here ya go. That's yours, not mine." I remind myself that there are freaking awesome mom's out there that work full-time, pay for a daycare to keep their child safe and alive, make dinner, clean laundry, clean the house, find time for romance with their husband, and make memories with their kids. They go to sports games, concerts and recitals. They do it all.

If that's what I have to do, then I'll do it. Maybe with the next baby I'll get to be at home. Or, you know, maybe not.

Long Term Changes

The only problem with losing weight and getting pregnant is that while everything else shrinks back into an acceptable size, my belly is still just kind of pooched there. 

However, a huge benefit is that my face is coming back to me!!! I honestly didn't think I would see a change in my face so soon after losing weight. Over the two+ years that I gained, my face was the last thing I lost. I suppose that makes sense because your face is not somewhere that you are supposed to gain weight. But when you reach that point, where else is it supposed to go? 

My cheeks got huge and my already small, dark eyes got smaller and darker. Over the past year, when people asked me about my weight-loss goals, I would just simply say, "I want my face back." 

I wanted to look in the mirror and see me again. My eyes and my cheek bones. I was literally up to my eyes in fat. Ick. I knew things needed to change if I wanted to be photographed ever again. 

At this point, maybe people would say that they did this diet or that workout plan but I didn't. I cannot stick to diets. I loathe the gym. All I did was choose. 

Do I need that much rice pilaf on my plate? No.
Do I need to eat the entire ice cream? No.
Do I need to have multiple white chocolate mocha's a week? Nope!

I started to see the trend. I was eating waaaay too much. WAY. TOO. MUCH. My plates are large and they would be full. I would do my darnedest to eat as much as possible. It was so wrong. I am a firm believer that you can indulge. But when you indulge every single day? That isn't a treat. Its a way of life. 

So I cut down my portions. I ate a lot less. I tried my hardest to drink water and not soda. Unsweetened Iced Tea if I couldn't stomach any more water. I tried to stop eating late at night as often as possible. 

I started eating at home. If I didn't feel like cooking, I ate cereal. And not always Captain Crunch with Berries. Honey Bunches of Oats. Raisin Bran. With 1% milk. There did come a point where I wondered, even with healthier cereal, if I was over-eating. So, I few times in a week, I would measure one cup of cereal and eat it. If I was still hungry after, I'd eat half a banana. Very soon, just the one cup of cereal was enough. I didn't need any supplemental banana. I cut down the cereal a little more and added banana to the cereal. 

I didn't need the measuring cup for more than a week. My brain relearned what a normal portion was. I could estimate it in the bowl. If I got heavy handed I would use a spoon to scoop it back into the box. 

Losing weight for me didn't equate to a big life change. It was so, so many little decisions. Awareness and caution instead of rules and regulations. I would say NO. One-fourth of a cup of Superior Dairy Chocolate Milkshake with fresh banana was enough to satisfy a sweet craving. (Superior Dairy is a local ice cream shop, if you ever come to California, make your way to the Central Valley and go there. Seriously. It's worth it.)

I believe the best life is a life of moderation. And while there are many diets and work-out plans that can get you there faster (after all, losing 23 pounds since January only means a little over 2 pounds a month) It is worth it for me to go slow. It took me over two years to put all this extra stuff on my body. If it takes two years to take it off, so be it. That is my fault. 

I just know myself. After I lose the weight and the diet ends, I'll think, okay you are done! After the work-out plan achieves the results I want, I'll walk away. Eating this way, choosing to be healthier and conscious of what goes into my body means that my brain is adjusting and adapting into long term ways of thinking. 

I can have rice pilaf, but only a little bit.
I can have ice cream, but not the entire thing.
I can have fancy coffee, but only once in a while. 

Now that I'm pregnant, I'm worried. I'm going to gain weight. But I have made a promise to myself that I won't gain fat. I will continue to shed fat and just gain baby. 

I will eat healthier than I already was. 
I will lose the baby weight as soon as I can. 
I will start walking, now, so I can burn even more calories. 
I will not lose control of my eating habits or use pregnancy as an excuse. 

That said, Thanksgiving is this week, and I am going to tear it up. 

Since I know that, every other day this week I will eat like a saint. I will overcompensate on these non-holidays so that when my grandma's stuffing hits my plate, I know I can indulge and not feel guilty. It will be a magnificent treat to a week of eating well. 

And it will be absolutely worth it. 

Down But Not Out

I can't help but think that the baby that is innocently growing in my belly is going to be a complete stress ball, control freak when he or she grows up.

The past 15 weeks have been riddled with emotional junk. I've never felt so overwhelmed and attacked in my life. I can't seem to catch my breath. On top of all of the things I've written about lately, a week ago today, Bryan and I were sitting on the couch when we got a phone call.

Bryan's dad was having a heart attack and was being rushed to the hospital. We got there minutes later while they were trying to get him medicine and stabilized before sticking him into an ambulance and rushing him to a prepared hospital in another city. It was a span of three hours that he was in intense pain before they removed a blood clot from the main artery in the left side of his heart. As soon as that was done, they inserted a stent which provided immediate relief.

We spent the next few days in ICU where a balloon was helping his heart to beat, wondering where we were going from here. When we did get to talk to the doctor, he nonchalantly said that this heart attack is one they call the 'Widow Maker.' For six days I rushed back and forth, home and hospital, picking people up, dropping them off, getting clothes, supplies, food, trying to put in a few hours at work. Bryan was at the hospital with him for 24 hours a day from Monday night until Saturday.

It was an emotional whirlwind of a week and while Rick was released late Saturday night, I can't help but think they rushed it. He was still in pain and they didn't know where, he wasn't properly counselled on his new medicines and how he should be living his new life. It's very daunting to have your brain remain active and capable but your body cannot keep up.

I saw this with my Grandpa as he fought Parkinson's disease. What a betrayal of your body.

We are all trying to adjust. There is fear about our lifestyle, about the genes we are passing to our child, fear about what this means for Rick and if he is truly 'out of the woods.'

Having things like this happen really opens your eyes to who you have around you, lifting you up in times of struggle. It creates new relationships and deepens others.

While I am emotionally treading water, dealing with the physical changes my body is doing and the emotional crap-storm I have been facing lately, I am trying to keep my focus on these new relationships. My bible study, my family members, my husband, my baby. Its all worth it. I may want to run and hide, cry until I'm numb and just shut down, but I remind myself that God has me right where I need to be, and He won't give me more than I can handle. He is doing a mighty work in me.

Thursday Brain Dump

Pumpkins we carved with our life group. Mine is the bat, Bryan's is the diabolical face in the middle. 

Yesterday was Halloween and it took a while, but we did get some trick or treaters! There were only a few that weren't dressed up, but they were walking younger siblings and I respect that, yo.

Our house, decorated for Halloween. Simple, yet....awesome.

As we speak, I am watching the CMT CMA Red Carpet and ooohing and aaaahing over all of the pretty dresses. I do get irritated when I see a male country musician in a baseball cap - I mean come on! At an awards show? I don't care if that's your thing. You take that baseball cap off!

Anyways...I went to work today even thought I was sick. Around 1 my boss was so tired of hearing me sneeze, blow my nose and hack up gross stuff that she sent me home. I didn't end up getting out of there until 2 though because I wouldn't leave until everything was done for the day. I'm not sure how I'll feel tomorrow but I hope I can make it to work!

This past weekend Bryan and I caught up on the latest episode of Parks and Recreation and I FREAKED OUT about Leslie and Ben getting engaged. Totally awesome. I love their story arc and I love the show in general. They are a perfect balance.

Sophie, our new puppy, is in lockdown mode. You know what? Potty training is possibly the worst thing in the world. She got in biiiiig trouble today when she peed on our wood floor. She should know better by now AND I had just taken her out. Luckily she is cute.

Our Sophie girl. :)

One of my good friends, Colleen, married my childhood friend, Jordan almost one year ago! I can't believe that it's already been a year. It was photos at her wedding that really made me decide to start losing weight. Since January, I've lost over 20lbs, 1st trimester of pregnancy hasn't been a hindrance either. This baby is either gonna LOVE food or be incredibly picky about it. Both worry me. ;)

But seriously, my pregnancy has been pretty blessed when you consider that I haven't throw up even once. I just feel icky and tired all the time, and I literally have to shove food down my throat at times just so I know the baby is getting some type of nourishment. Saturday, I will start week 14 of pregnancy and I'm hoping that as I wade deeper into the waters that is second trimester, food will become a friend not a foe.

Cali & Sophie 11-1-12