The State of Blogging

I've been reading blogs for a long time. I've also been writing my own blog for a long time. We've come to an interesting place as both readers and writers. Readers are starting to lose the blogs that they love. A lot of writers are closing up shop. One recently that I was devastated to lose was Young House Love. They are just one of many.

If you are an avid reader like I am, you may have also started to notice the shift in the way writers are writing. Many have 'click to tweet' buttons that are perfectly formed "bait" sentences that readers can share. Typically they represent the heart of the post. It's a good way for readers to save something they love while also bringing in potential traffic to the blog. 

It doesn't necessary bother me when I see it. I mean, it's typical that people share a post while extracting a quote from it. This can make it easier for the reader, which as a writer, is good in many ways. I might have a slight eyeroll because I feel like there is a growing trend of writers that are specifically writing in order to.. go viral? Maybe?

I notice it a lot. I'm sure we've all experienced the pinterest hooks, where we see an image and we click on it and it's crap. 

When I started writing, I didn't write to try to build a blog business. I'm not a good decorator, I can't build things. While I may be able to help you get on a budget (even though I suck at maintaining my own) or point you in a direction for makeup, I didn't build my blog on either of those things. I didn't build my blog on anything other than... my life. 

It's rare that I even share a written post on my personal Facebook. It feels weird. I have many friends on social media that shove their new business ventures down our throats and I don't want to be that person. Also, this isn't how I make my living. I don't need this to support my family so maybe that is where the difference truly lies. 

I do know this, there are many bloggers who are still going at it in a way that I respect, for whatever that means. Many of the bloggers I follow do it not because they have to, but because they love writing. They love sharing their lives, their strengths and passions with others. They may not have to do it for the money so the authenticity is there. 

That's important to me. And while we have had some casualties, like Young House Love, there are also some blogs that have grown brighter. 

Here are a few bloggers that in my opinion haven't lost their voice, even if it has grown and matured over the years. Many blog about their life, only two have a very specific focus (Which I've noted below).  

The Pioneer Woman

Grass Stains

Bye Bye Pie (Warning: Language)

Bower Power

Hollywood Housewife 

Thrifty Decor Chick (Home Decor)

Flourish in Progress (Warning: Language)

An Inch of Gray
Graceful Order (Home Organization)

Who are your favorite bloggers and have you noticed the same trend I have?

I Sat Down to Edit

And it's out of focus.

Shit.

Oh well. I was thinking of all these things I wanted to blog about tonight as I was getting Shepherd ready for bed and now that I'm here looking at the computer it's just gone.

This is how my week has been.

OH! Okay. I remembered.

You guys know that I generally write the evening prior to the post's publication right? Wednesday's post was written Tuesday night. My entries are scheduled for 3:15am because my blog tells me I have a few readers on the east coast. So, I post to make sure that it's up by the time people start to rise on the east coast.

It shows I care. However, I don't care enough to actually wake up to blog at that time of day, thus, the typing goes down the night before. Sorry, east coasters! Ha. Coasters!

All that to say, when I blogged on Tuesday night (for the post that went live on Wednesday morning) I was blissfully unaware of what that particular hump day had in store for me.

I woke up in the morning thinking, yeah! I'm gonna make this day my b*tch! And then I realized I woke up late. I zoomed out of bed and mentally crossed off actually styling my hair because that's what I do when I'm late. I weigh what is essential and what is not.

I threw my hair in a pony because making coffee and a smoothie were more important tasks.

I pour the almond milk in the pitcher and I flipped the switch on that latte maker with a desperation I had never known before. As that magical machine was whirring it's little Mr. Coffee heart out I got started on the smoothie.

Frozen banana? Check.

Frozen blueberries? Check.

Greek Yogurt? Check.

Protein powder?
Water?
Spinach?
Apple?

Check. Check. Check. Check.

I put the top on my chopper thing and hold down the button. I check it a few times, looking smooth! I'm using a Cuisinart Immersion Chopper thing and I'm taking a chance that I won't have to chew my smoothie.

I hear the latte maker stop and my coffee lovin' heart starts to beat quickly. I turn around and what do I see?

COFFEE ALL OVER THE COUNTER.

Of course, I'm trying to be healthy and save money and it backfires. Argh!!

I clean it up as quickly as possible while having a panic attack. Is my beloved latte maker broken? I check everything and nope, it's fine. Operator Error. You know the piece in a coffee pot that holds the filter? Yeah. It works better when it's actually used.

I pour what little almond milk/coffee latte is in the pitcher into a cup, rinse and reset everything to make another. I cross the small kitchen to the other side to keep grinding the smoothie.

It's looking good, so I pour it into the smoothie bottle and go back to the latte. I fill up my travel mug and the little bit that is left I pour into a mug, figuring that I would sip it while I throw some makeup on my face.

I taste it from the mug and its DISGUSTING. I think the latte maker burned the almond milk but it tasted like burned almonds. It was horrible. So wrong. I spit it out and dumped the mug and the travel mug in the sink. I grabbed the smoothie and took a big swig because I needed to erase the fowl latte from my taste-buds and almost vomited right there.

The smoothie was chunky. Extremely. Like... can't swallow without chewing. Ick! It was also not nearly cold enough.

I had to run an errand for work and got stuck behind that spanned across the entire town. I got to work and my boss was not happy.

In summary, Wednesday made me her b*tch.

Stop.

My face is washed, I'm sipping on tea, coffee and smoothie stations are set up for easy access tomorrow and my precious boy is screaming his head off.

shepherd selfie - take 1

"Momma!"

"Momma!"

"Dada!"

(Cries)

"Dada!"

We have officially entered the terrible twos. He's refusing meals. He says, "No." and "I don't like it." all the time. Even to pancakes! He loves pancakes. That's how I know we are in a stage. The boy loves him some pancakes. He's not fooling anyone with his "I don't like it."s.

Last night we had class. Luckily it was a topic that I was somewhat familiar with, even though it can be somewhat confusing. As I was listening, I was organizing all my paperwork, punching holes and filing it in a binder. I separated everything by quarter and by topic. I plan to print out the assignments and put what grade I received on it so I can go back and figure out what I missed.

shepherd selfie - take 2

Shepherd is asleep now. Thankfully. I keep reminding myself that this is just a phase. Just a phase. We'll get through it.

The problem is that I don't know how to parent through this. I'm asking other mom friends and I don't know the best way to wade through these waters. The baby phase is fairly easy. Eat Sleep Poop. Boom. Then teething. Yikes. Now the defiance.

You know what else he says? "Stop!" Every time he says it, I wince. He got it from me. You know how kids often say No! No! because they go through a season where parents are always saying No! "No, don't touch that." "No, don't pull the cats tail." Everything is no.

Apparently, I say "stop." and now so does he. I replay it in my head and I hear myself saying it. Stop getting in the cupboards, stop throwing a fit. Stop Shepherd. Stop. Stop.

I'll work on that. Along with everything else.

I feel distant this week from everything. Do you ever have those moments? Where you are just on the peripheral? I feel distant from Bryan, from Shepherd, school, family, friends, work, school. Sometimes I just have these periods of time when I just feel... outside. There are so many things going on and I just feel aloof. I sure hope someone out there has felt the same at times.

Turns Out, Muscle Relaxers Are Kind of Awesome.

theBalm Cosmetics are on Hautelook today! Use my referral link to sign up and get some goodies!
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I had a long day at work today doing financial things. Many times I wished I was back on the deck at Bass Lake. How gorgeous was the view?

As soon as I got home I started working on our personal finances which is always fun. Do money stuff all day and then come home and do money stuff all night! Woo. I've finally assumed all responsibility of our financial future and I had a lot to sort through to get us on track. Gotta cut some things out and build our savings back up after the hit it took paying for part of my schooling.

I'm still trying to figure out the best system for us. It's challenging because Bryan has a very irregular income, being a musician and all. It's hard to figure out what kind of 'flow' will work for us. I received my new Plum Paper planner but it doesn't start until March. I filled out a few things that I didn't wan't to forget. For instance, we just paid our Amazon Prime renewal, so I made sure to note that in January of 2016. We also paid our registration in November so I jotted that down as well.

I don't really have the brain power to full on blog. I took a muscle relaxer. Have I mentioned I jacked up my shoulder? I can't remember. Anyways, I jacked up my shoulder. I don't know how I did it but the muscle is totally messed up. It hurts to rotate my head. However, it hurts a lot less today. I only took three doses of three Advil and not four Advil every four hours. Progress. The muscle relaxer helps me sleep. Before I was prescribed it, I was so tense because I was scared to hurt that I would wake up stiff and sore. It was horrible. But the muscle relaxers have done wonders for my rest and I'm asking myself why I haven't tried them earlier. Maybe because I didn't need them. But still.

I haven't even touched editing videos (I have so many just waiting there) and I hope to get that accomplished this weekend. In all honesty, things have been so crazy I haven't even unpacked my TWO suitcases. One I took to Sacramento and one we took to the mountains. It's super fun in the morning to need something and realize I have to dig in one of two suitcases.

But tomorrow is Friday and who cares. I'll save it for the weekend, along with all the other things on my to-do list. Looks like a fun, relaxing weekend is on the horizon! Haha.

Hope you guys have had a great week!

xo,
Meg

I'm back!

I went to our mid-year meeting for school last week and then spent the first half of this week at the Pines Resort at Bass Lake! I'll have a post about that on Friday (or Monday, honestly) but I just wanted to drop in and say hello.

It was nice to take a few days off and while I planned on working on editing some videos over my short vacation, it was just that - SHORT! The last thing I wanted to do was stare at a computer screen when I had beautiful mountains, tall trees and an almost water-less lake to look at. It was also amazing spending four consecutive days with my baby. Let's be real for a second though, I had NO IDEA editing was so time consuming. I have a new respect for all of the YouTubers out there. Jeesh! My procrastination comes in out in full force when I know I have editing to do. Hopefully tonight I'll suck it up and get to it!

The time off was wonderful but now I have to face the daily grind. I'm always a little resentful after vacation, when life goes back to normal. Adults do so many things. TOO many things.

I have a lot to catch up on and a lot to write about! Next week we will return to the normal schedule (Monday-Wednesday-Friday) but don't forget you can follow me on Twitter (which I need to be more active on, so tweet me! @meganlauriana) or on Instagram (@meganlauriana).

Instagram might be a little light over the next few days though... My camera is broken because a certain boy that inhabited my belly for seven-and-three-quarter months dumped makeup remover on my phone. Luckily the front camera and everything else still works. Hoping to get a replacement phone soon!

Hope you had an amazing MLK holiday!

xoxo,
Merg

The Giant Forest

On Sunday, I woke up to get ready for church and halfway through my beauty routine Bryan woke up and said we shouldn't go. We were all sick and we shouldn't pass it around. I told him that was probably the right call, but I would go crazy if I spent another day inside. Last week Bryan had 5 gigs, Tuesday-Saturday and I was either at work or at home all those days. On top of that: I was sick, I had some hard personal crap happen, I had that emotional post (and cryfest) and I was just DONE. 

When things get hairy I like to bolt. Loud music and the open road settles me. I know and accept that about myself and so does Bryan. We hopped in the car and went for a drive. We headed east on the 198 and stopped in Exeter for a quick lunch at the Wildflower Cafe. I've blogged about a trip to Downtown Exeter before. We were excited to finally check out the Wildflower Cafe which has the cutest little patio area! I asked the owner and she said I could take photos to share. 

Just so you know, we paid for our meals and she doesn't even know the name of my blog. Most of the pictures are from the front of the store and I vlogged the rest. I totally forgot to vlog/photograph the food, but they had lots of options and it was great! I hope to have the video up on Friday, but we'll see. I'm heading out of town tonight and I'm not sure I'll have time to put it together.

The counter displayed various awards, local publications and business cards. I love small town restaurants. You could just feel the love for their community!

We didn't get any desserts but I looked at them for a few minutes and counted calories in my head. It helps to keep me from pulling the trigger. I mentally consume them and then walk away. It's not as satisfying but also does not result in being a big tubba. Soo... I win in the end. Even if I lose too. 

The next photo is from our May 2014 trip to Exeter and the one below it is from this past weekend. Look how big Shepherd is now and the difference in Bryan's hair! Crazy how time flies. 

After lunch, we headed up to the mountains. My goal for the day was to breathe fresh, clean air. Our air quality has been horrible the past few days and being so sick, my sinuses needed a break. We paid the $20 entrance fee (!!!!) and went to Giant Forest, where the largest tree in the world resides. There is some technicality about it being the largest tree... If I remember correctly it's that there is no tree that has the same mass and height or something. It's a big tree and it's cool, so make sure to check it out if you are in the area!

Before I forget - the entrance fee is a 7-day pass and I don't think it includes camping. I don't know. But we had four people with us in the car and at 5 bucks a head, thats not too bad for entertainment/fresh air/change of scenery. Cheaper and better than a movie, you know? Anyways, Shepherd looked up at General Sherman (the tree) and said, Whoa! And then proceeded to play with dirty snow. It was around thirty-eight degrees and the ground was slushy. We got there around four and left about 4:45. I was worried about being that high up the mountain after dark with no chains, so our goal was to be as far down the mountain as possible by 5:15. 

We caught a lot of on video so stay tuned for that. Shepherd threw more than a few snowballs and loved stomping on them. Justus went up with us and we love having her crazy self around. The fresh air was amazing for my sick face and we all blew our noses a lot and took some nice deep breaths. It was a good day. We even caught a spectacular view on the way down the mountain. It looked like a painting. Bryan hopped out of the car to be included in the photo. Pretty gorgeous, huh? 

We are heading to Bass Lake next week and I can't wait. This excursion made me so excited. My mother-in-law and I plan on hiking a bit, which she'll run circles around me as I lag painfully behind but hiking is my favorite "exercise" so I'm going to take advantage of it as much as possible while I'm there. 

I'm so thankful that we live so close to the mountains. 

Thank you...

I appreciate all of you who read my blog, wrote me, emailed me and messaged me on Facebook.

I remind myself all the time, every birth is different. But the only birth I know is the one I had and when I am really honest,  I can't imagine that it'll be any different. Even if I could, I don't want to plan on not having pre-eclampsia or a cesarean again because I'd be crushed if it happened again.

I want to try to keep things as non-committal as possible because I figure I can just go with the flow. Hopefully that will keep my heart from being too attached to any one scenario. It's what I did last time which worked out when I was adamant that staples not be used on my body in any capacity during the surgery, but also worked against us because I didn't think to remind the doctors not to touch me roughly (and as I write that, I feel a surge of irritation because women shouldn't have to remind their doctors to be delicate in their private parts... but whatever.) and I didn't think to say anything after.

It's not easy to make the the choice to try for a second baby when your first experience was... varied, with a strong lean towards horrible. Then when I think of the depression I felt after, the failed breastfeeding and pumping for 10+ months, it seems unbearable.

I really don't want to experience it all over and I have no reason to believe that it will be any different. I feel that in order to be ready to expand our family, I have to acknowledge that the past may repeat itself and I have to choose to do it anyway. 

Getting it all off my chest and hearing that other women have had experiences similar to mine or have had even worse ones and still chose to try again was healing. I'm not alone in this. And while each of us had our own births with their own variables, we are all women and we all can understand the trials of another. This is why it is so essential that women share their stories. We need to talk, comfort and pray with each other. We need to fight for dignified births and it isn't just for ourselves, it is for the next generation of new mothers. If birth is like this now, what could it be in five, ten or fifteen years?

After I had Shepherd I stopped going to birthing websites. I stopped participating on forums and on social media platforms. There was just... so much pain there. And not just from myself, but from other women. I would get angry for them and then someone would comment and say something horrible to someone that had a bad experience and somehow blame them for it and I'd get ever more irate. It wasn't healthy. I had to walk away. Now that I have babies on the brain I'm wading back into the water and in my year-and-a-half absence, things haven't gotten better. It's discouraging.

However, I've changed my life since two years ago. I'm reading the Bible and establishing a relationship with Christ that I've never had before. In that alone, there is peace. I'm going to surrender that fear every moment that it bubbles up, because I have no use for it. It does nothing but hold me back.

I'm not ready to try for another child yet. I need more time. If it happens on it own, it happens. But it is time that I start researching my options and developing a plan for care that I feel comfortable with in the future.

Eating better and getting exercise will decrease my chances of having both pre-eclampsia and a c-section so I am going to focus on making some big changes in those areas. #forrealthistime and I'm also going to continue reducing all unnecessary stress in my life. All good things to do before introducing another human into our lives. :)

I am trying to balance my fears and my hope for my next birth and the pendulum swings from one extreme to the other. One moment I feel like I could do it no problem and the next I'm laying on the bed curled up like a cat because I can't bear the thought of doing it all over again. You'll never know how much the encouragement means to me. I'm giving you all a big internet hug from my couch. You're all amazing.

xoxo,

Meg