My Heart is Pounding.

Have I mentioned that I started making jewelry? It ain't no thing. I just really needed a hobby and non-medicated help with my anxiety. 

Turns out, I REALLY LIKE IT. So much so that Bryan was like "Hey, you need to sell some of this crap." And I was like "Hey. It is not crap. It's jewelry." And he goes, "Oh yeah, you are totally right. Its amazing and if you want to buy more jewelry supplies you need to sell some of this crap."

At least, I think that is how it went. 

Anyways, I really, really don't want to sell my stuff. What if people don't like it? What if I suck at it and NO ONE BUYS IT? I'm not all that great with putting myself out there and stuff. 

Well, I opened up a store. It's all kinds of free and then you use paypal to buy stuff and they charge me and I send it to you. It's pretty simple and safe. Except... when NO ONE BUYS YOUR STUFF. 

Because that'll probably happen to me. 

Did I mention that I posted the link to Facebook and I feel like I'm gonna throw up? No? 

I'm gonna go hide under a rock. Happy Sunday...

Friends are for Coupons...

Let me set the stage. I'm at work, innocently sipping on my iced coffee, on the phone with a credit card company that is trying to screw the district and over. my. dead. body. will that happen.

I'm put on hold while the super nice guy talks to his 'manager' about fees that I'm just not going to pay, darn it. And I'm bored. I'm waiting for a while. I grab my cell and cruise on to Facebook.. why not? Right? Right.

International Delight are the smart, smart people that have been bottling vanilla iced coffee GOODNESS and I was the smarty pants that tried it out. It's at the grocery store for like... $4.58 or something. You might think that's expensive. But, to me? My normal favorite cup of joe at Java Heaven is $4.25 for a 16 oz tall. Yeah. For an extra $.33 I get not one drink, but up to five or six? At my convenience? When I open the fridge it is there and I never gotta do anything put shake it and put it in a to-go cup?

Saaaay whaaaaaaaat?

So, ID posts that they are having a give-away. A gallon of your choice of iced coffee. Just sign up. Signed.

Click here for a coupon? $1.00 off ANY ID product? Clicking.

Oh. Shucks. You gotta 'refer' them to a friend or two in order to get the coupon. Hmm. I don't like doing that. I am really uncomfortable with the whole, post this give-away on your Facebook page and get another entry! That's not what the Book o' Faces is for, yo.

But I really want that coupon.

Enter, my best friend, Denise. SHE won't care if I refer her. Because what makes me happy, makes her happy. And Megan on coffee is a happy Megan. So I click on her name and submit. Lo and behold, I have a printed coupon for my vanilla-y coffee goodness.

Oh yeah. Considering I just ran out TODAY...this is happiness. Except...Now I have it... and I feel bad. I sold out my BEST FRIEND for a one dollar coupon. Is that all she means to me? $1.00?

So I wrote her and said... "I'm sorry I sold you out for a $1 coupon......But it was totally worth it."

I feel much better now. 

In Which, I Forgot.

I had something interesting and entertaining to blog about today, but guess who forgot what it was?

THIS GUY! Errr... Girl.

I've been sitting here thinking about it... What was it? Do you know?

Well, I can tell you this, I feel sick. Who ate a small piece of cake, a pop-tart and an orange twenty minutes ago?

THIS GIRL! See? It doesn't work with girl.

Do you picture me with my hands up and my thumbs pointed to me? Cause that's what I do when I read it out loud.

It's who I am.

I just finished making dinner and now I'm gathering a list of items I need to get at Target. I haven't been there in quite a few weeks... I've been staying away because it is just so dangerous for the pocket book to go in there!

But I must. We are out of necessities. Like... beans. Laundry detergent. Cotton swabs. Gold fish.

While I am there, I will think about what I was actually going to blog about. If I remember, I'll write it down for tomorrow.

Because after Target, I've got homework to do for CASA.

Since this post didn't have anything cool, I'll include this:

This is a picture I took on Denise and my birthday trip in November. We were on a boat ride.

Ohhh, I should blog about that trip! Niiiiice. See how that worked out?

You May be Entertained...Or Confused.

You know how I was all hunky-dory on Saturday about my awesome plans?

Yeah. About that.

After we finished with the manicures, Bryan decided to have our friend cut his hair. Then, we went to eat at one of our favorite cafes in town. All is well.

Inexplicably, a headache started coming on. A bad one. Us migraine folk tend to call them migraine-headaches.  Which almost inevitably turn into migraines. Yup... I got a migraine. While Bryan went out shooting guns, I was left to take care of myself. In the end, I fought the migraine and ultimately, I won. I was down for about three or four hours.

I walked my feeble little body to the couch and Denise came over to hang. We went over to my sisters and did pretty much nothing. By the end of Saturday I was ridiculously exhausted.

Yesterday was very interesting. After church, Bryan and I fought the entire way to Black Bear because he decided to go THROUGH TOWN instead of taking two roads that are faster/easier went to lunch at Black Bear with my sister and her family, before heading to Tulare for a surprise gathering for my crazy, sweet, hilarious grandma for her 80th birthday. It was cute. And fun. And always awkward. It amazes me how disconnected I am to that side of the family. My cousins and I are all strangers. Nuts.

Regardless, it was a nice gathering, and last night, Bryan and I shut out the world and hung out. It was relaxing and nice.

Now that the recap is over, on to the good stuff.

This morning I woke up early to turn on the shower (our water heater is on the opposite side of the house. It takes a while to warm.)  then, I ran back to bed for a few minutes to wait. A MILLISECOND before I am to arise again, I feel Bryan get up. I get out of bed and start walking and I hear the shower door open. And I gasped! I ran in there and guess who was in my shower? GUESS WHO? It was BRYAN. That's who. And I grabbed that brush furiously and I ran it through my hair and I turned around and said, "You stole my shower." and he said, "If you shower first I'll be late."

So you know what I did? I got in. And we DON'T take showers in the morning together. Because its damn cold. Who wants to stand there getting sprayed by little shots of cold water that bounce off the person getting the hot water? NO ONE. That's who.

Oh, there were narrowed eyes. And grumbles. And frustration.

(Also? I am aware that it is too much information... but we totally wear bathing suits in the shower. So fear not. ;)

So, before I get on to the most entertaining (to me) part of the morning, I have to rewind.

Yesterday, after the surprise birthday for my grandma, Bryan and I shot into Visalia to return a game expansion pack to John T's, which is in the mall. Except that it's not. Like, within the past three weeks, they up and LEFT the mall. To Bakersfield.

And I was ALL IRRITATED because Bryan parked 50 miles away from both entrances to the mall, so he could get 'closest' to the John T's that wasn't there. And I was like its cold and rainy and WHY DID YOU PARK SO FAR AWAY? So we bickered the whoooole time in the mall, which put us in amazing moods. And guess what? When we walked back to the car, it started raining. Who was right? Me. That's who.

Bryan says, "What do you want to do?"

"I'm really tired. I'm down to go home."

"Well, do you want to go to the Men's Warehouse?"

Yes. I definitely want to go to the Men's Warehouse. Were we can't afford a sleeve off of a jacket. "Why would we go there?"

"I need a blazer."

WHAT? I mean....WHAT? "What?"

"I need a blazer and they sell them."

"WHY on God's green earth do you need a blazer? And why would we go to the MOST expensive place to buy one?"

Uh oh. I made Bryan mad. "I need a blazer because I'm not allowed to wear this [normal, nice, black jacket that was $100] at work."

Uh oh. Megan is mad. "Why in the HELL can't you wear that jacket at work??????"

Uh oh. Bryan is more mad. "Because its against the [STUPID] dress-code at work. I'm not allowed to wear it during work hours. I can only wear it to and from work, but I get freaking cold in that office."

Now, Bryan has never said this, but I will. I think that Bryan's work dress-code is bordering on sexual discrimination. The men are only allowed to wear a certain colors of shirts on whichever corresponding days, with long sleeves, buttons to the collar, with a black tie, black pants, and black shoes. Even in the 100+ degree summers we have. However, the girls are allowed to wear long or short sleeves shirts (of the right color on the right day) with no tie and with certain-colored sweaters, skirts, pants, blazers, with whatever jewelry and hairstyle. This makes me really mad for Bryan...

One time, he was super sick with a fever. His employer discourages using sick time, BTW, so he is sitting at work, miserable, with a fever. He has his nice, $100 black coat on. Shivering from the fever. (Did I mention the fever?) Trying to get through the day. And guess what? His concerned manager says, take off the coat. Even though he works in the back of the office. Even though none of the clients see him, like ever. He does marketing, behind the scenes, but he can't wear his coat. When he came home and told me that, I about went down there and Portuguesed their asses.

Apparently, this was the last straw for me. "First of all, that is the most RIDICULOUS thing I have ever heard. Your jacket is super nice! It's black and expensive!! and Two? If we were going to get you a blazer, it would be from Kohl's. Not from freaking Men's Warehouse. [Your employer] doesn't DESERVE Men's Warehouse."

Harrumph. The ride home wasn't awkward at all. When we got home, I ate crow (which is always hard to swallow) and said sorry and that I was pretty sure I got some Kohl's coupons in the mail and we'd get him a blazer so he'd be warm.

Hello, Tangent. Back to the morning.

I'm getting ready and I have to look nice. I have an interview for the CASA program today immediately following work. I must look nice. Also? I need coffee. I run to the kitchen to get a pot going, and I see the Kohl's envelope. Cool. Coupons. I rush back to the bedroom to finish hair and make-up and all signs are pointing to 'Late for Work'.

So I'm hustling and Bryan starts gearing up to leave...right after I put the toothbrush in my mouth to clean the chompers and I'm about to start dressing. Mentally, I'm going insane. I need to be dressed nice and professional and still be comfortable. I'm worrying and stressing and trying on a billion different shirts and I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.

I know its hard to imagine, but I'm pacing and walking and internally having this total anxious breakdown and Bryan is not even aware. Men. So stupid. I'm bordering on crying because I feel like such a fat, ugly, piece-o-crap with no awesome clothes and WHY CAN'T I BE SKINNY AND AWESOME?

 Bryan gives me a kiss on the cheek, and leaves. I walk from the closet to the bed to steady myself as I put on heels, because I settled glumly on a shirt that doesn't look good on me, and I see Bryan's wallet. I grab it and run while simultaneously putting on my other heel, to try to catch him, and he turns the street corner without seeing me, frantically waving my toothbrush in one hand and his wallet in the next, and moaning what I'm sure did not sound like stop! I spit in the lawn. (Sue me.)

I RACE back to the bedroom to get my phone, call, and say, "WALLET." and he goes, "Noooo! Oh well. I'll be late if I turn back."  

I finish brushing, grab my coat, purse, pour myself some coffee, grab my lunch, and the remember the Kohl's envelope. I tear it open and guess what?

It's not a bunch of coupons. It's a new credit card. It's a credit card for their MVPs. Which I believe stands for Most-Valuable-Purchaser. If you have a normal Kohl's card, and you spend $600 in a calendar year, you get a Kohl's MVP card for the next calendar year. With it, you get all kinds of discounts and promotions. (Kohl's really does have the BEST credit program, with lots of discounts, and I keep the limit at just $300 so there is no way to get into trouble. I love it!)

The irony of holding that card in my hands after just totally blowing a gasket over having no clothes is just unreal.

I know, without a doubt, that I have at least $600 worth of clothes JUST from Kohl's and JUST in the last year. Odds are that most of that was spent on me and not on Bryan. Shame on me.

PS. I was 12 minutes late to work. Good thing I planned on working right up until I leave for the interview.

A Morning of Manicures

I talked Bryan into getting a manicure.

A friend of ours is in beauty school finishing up her hours and she has been asking every friend she has to come in. She reasons that the more friends she works on the less random people she has to touch. Haha

AND for both of us to get manicures was $7.20. So it was worth it.

Bryan was worried that manicures hurt. Its amazing that he would think millions of women spend $15-30 on something that was painful. Its a relaxing treat!

Anyways, I thoroughly enjoyed my manicure and I think Bryan was won over too. For someone that uses his hands (for guitar playing) he should take better care of them.

The rest of the day will be a full one! We are going to grab lunch, go to my father-in-laws girlfriends house to practice shooting guns, and then when Bryan takes off to Harris Ranch, Denise and I will head to the gym to work off our shame of eating Long John Silvers last night. Then its off to Kari and Adams house for puzzle night!!

It may not be much, but this has all the makings for a great Saturday. :)

Standing Still, Moving Along

It is amazing to me that I can sit here months and months after my last post and all I really have to say is that nothing much has changed. There haven't been any epiphanies, no babies, and beyond a few pounds, I'm still the same weight, wearing the same clothes, working the same job, and living the same life as when I wrote the last post. 

Maybe that is just me being a downer. Bryan seems to think I've been more downer-y lately. What can I say? I've lost my zeal. My zest for life. My joy. Where has it gone? Was it buried in the 50 pounds I gained in the first two years of marriage? Have the seven or eight pounds I have lost mean NOTHING? Because I can't really tell. My skin is tighter. My love handles are a little *less* pronounced. But its not yet at the point where I can be like, YEAH! Eating less crap, working out more is working! Woo hooooo! I'm still at the, I loathe the gym and damn, that Oreo cookie looks frickin' bomb right now. 

On top of that? My house is utter chaos right now. There is zero organization. No routine. Despite my attempts earlier in 2011 there is just no structure. When I try, Bryan fights against it with all he can because he doesn't want to be... I don't know... for lack of better words, "broken in". He wants to hold on to the spontaneity. He doesn't want to deal with the constants; Bills, home improvement, the endless mail, dishes, general cleaning or outdoor projects. 

And it makes me not want too either. That's bad right? It seems bad... typing it right now. Bryan doesn't want to, which makes me not want too. He doesn't want a nice house, full of DIY projects that we accomplish together at a fraction of the cost. He doesn't really want anything in the house. He would be fine with a couch, a TV, a bed, and his animals. And I guess, me. 

I want a nice house. Don't misread that as "I want a lavish house full of expensive stuff." no. No. I want a nice house. A lived in house. Comfortable, cozy. I want it to look like I didn't go to Ross to furnish it, but I want to pay Ross prices. I want a place where friends can gather, a place I can breathe and relax in. I want to be able to find things when I need them. I want there to be clean towels after I take a shower or when dishes need drying.

But when Bryan doesn't want that, I find myself not wanting it. Wanting isn't the right word. I still WANT those things. I find myself without the drive to ACCOMPLISH those things. Why would I have the drive to do something all by myself that won't even work if I don't have my husband backing me up, helping me? And somethings I can't even do on my own. Like hang things that are heavy... or hanging things that aren't heavy STRAIGHT. I have a crooked eye. Not literally, but figuratively. I'll hang something and be like OH look I am awesome. And then walk by it twenty minutes later to be like... Was there an earthquake or was that me? Daaaaang that kind of sounded like a fat joke. Sad face. 

Back on point, in a condensed version of this entire post, I'm stupid. I feel like I'm not moving forward in any way. Personally, professionally, spiritually. Maybe I'm just in that post-Christmas funk. Except I wasn't super happy during Christmas, so maybe I'm just being normal. 

I want to end this by saying that I may be all woe is me, I suck, but I came to this conclusion a while ago. And I'm already changing things. Not to prove it to anyone else but myself that regardless of what the people around me want, I can still be me. I can live for Jesus and myself and others all at the same time. So, I'm back in the gym, trying to eat right, creating jewelry, trying to quit wasting money at Target, getting involved with politics again, involved in the children's ministry at church, involved in a leading a life group at a neighboring church with my in-laws, and now I'm starting the long process of becoming a CASA volunteer. And I'm even slowly but surely working on my house. 

Fake it 'til you make it. Smile and the whole world will smile with you. Choose happiness. Whatev, yo. Just live.

Get Healthy Inspiration

Today, I read this article. It makes me want to weep. So, I immediately made this. I wanted something I could plaster everywhere to remind me. I need to see something that reminds me WHY I'm not going to eat another bite; Another chocolate; Another cookie. This is to remind me to step away from the soda and the sugar. To cook healthy, to eat healthy, to live healthy.

Choose health!