Monday, January 23, 2012

You May be Entertained...Or Confused.

You know how I was all hunky-dory on Saturday about my awesome plans?

Yeah. About that.

After we finished with the manicures, Bryan decided to have our friend cut his hair. Then, we went to eat at one of our favorite cafes in town. All is well.

Inexplicably, a headache started coming on. A bad one. Us migraine folk tend to call them migraine-headaches.  Which almost inevitably turn into migraines. Yup... I got a migraine. While Bryan went out shooting guns, I was left to take care of myself. In the end, I fought the migraine and ultimately, I won. I was down for about three or four hours.

I walked my feeble little body to the couch and Denise came over to hang. We went over to my sisters and did pretty much nothing. By the end of Saturday I was ridiculously exhausted.

Yesterday was very interesting. After church, Bryan and I fought the entire way to Black Bear because he decided to go THROUGH TOWN instead of taking two roads that are faster/easier went to lunch at Black Bear with my sister and her family, before heading to Tulare for a surprise gathering for my crazy, sweet, hilarious grandma for her 80th birthday. It was cute. And fun. And always awkward. It amazes me how disconnected I am to that side of the family. My cousins and I are all strangers. Nuts.

Regardless, it was a nice gathering, and last night, Bryan and I shut out the world and hung out. It was relaxing and nice.

Now that the recap is over, on to the good stuff.

This morning I woke up early to turn on the shower (our water heater is on the opposite side of the house. It takes a while to warm.)  then, I ran back to bed for a few minutes to wait. A MILLISECOND before I am to arise again, I feel Bryan get up. I get out of bed and start walking and I hear the shower door open. And I gasped! I ran in there and guess who was in my shower? GUESS WHO? It was BRYAN. That's who. And I grabbed that brush furiously and I ran it through my hair and I turned around and said, "You stole my shower." and he said, "If you shower first I'll be late."

So you know what I did? I got in. And we DON'T take showers in the morning together. Because its damn cold. Who wants to stand there getting sprayed by little shots of cold water that bounce off the person getting the hot water? NO ONE. That's who.

Oh, there were narrowed eyes. And grumbles. And frustration.

(Also? I am aware that it is too much information... but we totally wear bathing suits in the shower. So fear not. ;)

So, before I get on to the most entertaining (to me) part of the morning, I have to rewind.

Yesterday, after the surprise birthday for my grandma, Bryan and I shot into Visalia to return a game expansion pack to John T's, which is in the mall. Except that it's not. Like, within the past three weeks, they up and LEFT the mall. To Bakersfield.

And I was ALL IRRITATED because Bryan parked 50 miles away from both entrances to the mall, so he could get 'closest' to the John T's that wasn't there. And I was like its cold and rainy and WHY DID YOU PARK SO FAR AWAY? So we bickered the whoooole time in the mall, which put us in amazing moods. And guess what? When we walked back to the car, it started raining. Who was right? Me. That's who.

Bryan says, "What do you want to do?"

"I'm really tired. I'm down to go home."

"Well, do you want to go to the Men's Warehouse?"

Yes. I definitely want to go to the Men's Warehouse. Were we can't afford a sleeve off of a jacket. "Why would we go there?"

"I need a blazer."

WHAT? I mean....WHAT? "What?"

"I need a blazer and they sell them."

"WHY on God's green earth do you need a blazer? And why would we go to the MOST expensive place to buy one?"

Uh oh. I made Bryan mad. "I need a blazer because I'm not allowed to wear this [normal, nice, black jacket that was $100] at work."

Uh oh. Megan is mad. "Why in the HELL can't you wear that jacket at work??????"

Uh oh. Bryan is more mad. "Because its against the [STUPID] dress-code at work. I'm not allowed to wear it during work hours. I can only wear it to and from work, but I get freaking cold in that office."

Now, Bryan has never said this, but I will. I think that Bryan's work dress-code is bordering on sexual discrimination. The men are only allowed to wear a certain colors of shirts on whichever corresponding days, with long sleeves, buttons to the collar, with a black tie, black pants, and black shoes. Even in the 100+ degree summers we have. However, the girls are allowed to wear long or short sleeves shirts (of the right color on the right day) with no tie and with certain-colored sweaters, skirts, pants, blazers, with whatever jewelry and hairstyle. This makes me really mad for Bryan...

One time, he was super sick with a fever. His employer discourages using sick time, BTW, so he is sitting at work, miserable, with a fever. He has his nice, $100 black coat on. Shivering from the fever. (Did I mention the fever?) Trying to get through the day. And guess what? His concerned manager says, take off the coat. Even though he works in the back of the office. Even though none of the clients see him, like ever. He does marketing, behind the scenes, but he can't wear his coat. When he came home and told me that, I about went down there and Portuguesed their asses.

Apparently, this was the last straw for me. "First of all, that is the most RIDICULOUS thing I have ever heard. Your jacket is super nice! It's black and expensive!! and Two? If we were going to get you a blazer, it would be from Kohl's. Not from freaking Men's Warehouse. [Your employer] doesn't DESERVE Men's Warehouse."

Harrumph. The ride home wasn't awkward at all. When we got home, I ate crow (which is always hard to swallow) and said sorry and that I was pretty sure I got some Kohl's coupons in the mail and we'd get him a blazer so he'd be warm.

Hello, Tangent. Back to the morning.

I'm getting ready and I have to look nice. I have an interview for the CASA program today immediately following work. I must look nice. Also? I need coffee. I run to the kitchen to get a pot going, and I see the Kohl's envelope. Cool. Coupons. I rush back to the bedroom to finish hair and make-up and all signs are pointing to 'Late for Work'.

So I'm hustling and Bryan starts gearing up to leave...right after I put the toothbrush in my mouth to clean the chompers and I'm about to start dressing. Mentally, I'm going insane. I need to be dressed nice and professional and still be comfortable. I'm worrying and stressing and trying on a billion different shirts and I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.

I know its hard to imagine, but I'm pacing and walking and internally having this total anxious breakdown and Bryan is not even aware. Men. So stupid. I'm bordering on crying because I feel like such a fat, ugly, piece-o-crap with no awesome clothes and WHY CAN'T I BE SKINNY AND AWESOME?

 Bryan gives me a kiss on the cheek, and leaves. I walk from the closet to the bed to steady myself as I put on heels, because I settled glumly on a shirt that doesn't look good on me, and I see Bryan's wallet. I grab it and run while simultaneously putting on my other heel, to try to catch him, and he turns the street corner without seeing me, frantically waving my toothbrush in one hand and his wallet in the next, and moaning what I'm sure did not sound like stop! I spit in the lawn. (Sue me.)

I RACE back to the bedroom to get my phone, call, and say, "WALLET." and he goes, "Noooo! Oh well. I'll be late if I turn back."  

I finish brushing, grab my coat, purse, pour myself some coffee, grab my lunch, and the remember the Kohl's envelope. I tear it open and guess what?

It's not a bunch of coupons. It's a new credit card. It's a credit card for their MVPs. Which I believe stands for Most-Valuable-Purchaser. If you have a normal Kohl's card, and you spend $600 in a calendar year, you get a Kohl's MVP card for the next calendar year. With it, you get all kinds of discounts and promotions. (Kohl's really does have the BEST credit program, with lots of discounts, and I keep the limit at just $300 so there is no way to get into trouble. I love it!)

The irony of holding that card in my hands after just totally blowing a gasket over having no clothes is just unreal.

I know, without a doubt, that I have at least $600 worth of clothes JUST from Kohl's and JUST in the last year. Odds are that most of that was spent on me and not on Bryan. Shame on me.

PS. I was 12 minutes late to work. Good thing I planned on working right up until I leave for the interview.


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