Miss USA 2009

The Miss USA pageant aired last night and although I didn't watch it, I did hear about the Miss California controversy.

Here is a YouTube video of Perez Hilton's question and her answer.

A more appropriate answer for this question probably would have been, "Perez, this is a very controversial topic in today's society. I think the best thing about America is that each state has the right to chose what laws they have about same-sex marriages. I believe that we need to be tolerant of the states that pass same-sex marriage and we also need to respect the states that haven't voted it in."

Don't get me wrong, I am very proud that this young woman stated her feelings against gay marriage, but I think that as Miss USA, she needs to be a figure of unity.

Now, the reason I bring this up at all is that the media, Perez Hilton and every gay person out there is attacking Carrie Prejean (Miss California) for her belief system.

This is unwarranted and unjust. We say that we respect all opinions, yet when voiced they are attacked.

In recent elections, the majority California voters passed Proposition 8 which Eliminates the Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry. Somehow, this vote has been appealed and is now going through the court system. What I can't believe is that 7,001,084 of the most liberal state there is voted YES on Prop 8 and it is still being challenged as though all of the US citizens that voted yes are somehow incompetent at voting.

I'm getting discouraged with the fact that most people that are against same sex marriage are not against homosexuals and they are not homophobes. Each state has the right to vote in favor or against legalizing same sex marriage. If its for, then fine. If it's against, then fine. Majority rules in this Country...

Well, except in picking the President.

The Other Side of The Road

For those of you that have been following the beginning, middle and end of my last relationship, you can see his side of it here.

I would like you all to read it and if you'd like, let me know your thoughts on it. I'm interested to see what you think of his "explanations."

Rants and...More Rants!

A lot is happening at such a fast pace.

I've wanted to write every night since last week, but I just haven't had the time or the energy. A few nights after my last post, my Mom called me. She told me that she had read it and that it had made her cry. She had been at work at the time. She couldn't believe what I had written. How fooled we all were.

I've been asked if I have heard from Michael at all. I haven't.

The part of my life that I have been really enjoying is being involved in the Young Republicans of Kings County organization. I've been helping the group with putting together the fund-raising letter and the fliers for an event we are hosting. Danny Gilmore is coming to Mary Queen Immaculate school in Lemoore on April 18 at 3 to talk to all who are interested about the water issues that the west valley is facing.

I'm so happy to be involved with a group of people that share the conservative values that I have. As time progresses our culture is sinking into quicksand. Our country is swimming in debt that even my great grandchildren will deal with. The government is out of control. Our people are swimming in their own debt, maybe because of the horrid example of a government we have. There are basically no family values anymore. Most parents don't give a crap about their childrens' education, development and health. It really breaks my heart.

I'm afraid that I feel that private industry can do pretty much anything better than the government. They are so inefficient. I also feel that we need to return to the roots of this country. When did we lose the ideal that our politicians are our employees? We VOTE them into office. WE give them their job. Yet they vote for their own raises? They are in office for years without any accomplishment and then can retire of 100% salary when there are state employees, like myself, that don't even have benefits? Its ludicrous. Honestly, it is.

Now, this week, two states - Iowa and Vermont - have voting to legalize gay marriage. Washington, DC has voted to acknowledge same-sex marriage performed in other states. This is so confusing and so disappointing for me.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate anyone. I have nothing against people that chose to live a life that involves a partnership with person of the same sex. I love them just the same as I love anyone else. I don't judge them. However, I do believe that it is a choice. I do believe that it is a sin. It is just as bad as any other sin. I'm no better than a homosexual just because instead of being in a relationship with a girl, I lie, cuss and have other temptations.

I think we all forget that each any every one of us has a purpose. God created Man and Woman. And even if you don't believe in God, we can all agree that there is only two sexes. Male and Female. There are many ways to tell the difference. When I explain this I like to use something that is basic and that we use all the time. Electricity. Please tell me when you have plugged in a female plug into another female plug and got any type of reaction. How about a male plug with another male plug? I have absentmindedly actually tried to plug to female parts together while doing Christmas trees. Guess what? Nothing happened. There was no purpose to do that. They were not made for each other. This is the same with same-sex marriages. A man was designed for a female. A female was designed for a male. And I mean this on more than just a reproductive level.

Obviously, I'm not for gay marriage. However, I do believe that if you have committed yourself to someone else you can opt to have a union that recognizes your commitment. That will be accepted by insurance companies. I can't tell someone that they can't commit themselves to another person and not be able to take care of them with insurance and other 'married' things. But I do believe we need to keep the two things separate. And unfortunately

Anyways, let me step off my soapbox. It saddens me where we are going. It saddens me that the family unit has been completely torn apart. It upsets me that people make excuses for absolutely everything. And honestly, I include myself in that.

More updates to come. I'm over at Kari and Adam's and we'll be watching American Idol for the next hour.

YAY!

A Happy Sunday...

Last night Denise, Mike and I went to the Laton Rodeo. It was so fun. Denise and I danced while Michael hung out with his friends. I really need to go dancing more often.

Today, I woke up early to go to church. It was 9:40 in the morning and Denise decides to wake up and wash her face right as I'm leaning over to put my eyeliner on. And a snip and her and say, "You know Denise? I have to leave soon and you decide to pick right NOW to get up and wash your face? Bad timing!" And she gives me this look like, I'm crazy. She says, "Megan, its like 9:30, we don't have to leave until 10:15. And I say, "No, I want to leave at ten because I want to get coffee. Wait, We? Are you going to church?" and shes like, "Uhh, YEAH. Why else would I be up right now?" I was like, "Oh. Okay. AWESOME!" I felt bad for a minute for that, haha. Usually she tells me when we're going to go.

My Mom bought me a new Bible, a really awesome King James Version that is a Woman's Study Bible. I was SO stoked! And she got my name inscribed in the cover. It says "Megan Lauriana" all pretty like. I love it. So church was especially awesome because I could actually follow along with Pastor Kenny. After church we rushed home so that I could bake some cornbread for a church homegroup that I was invited to. Denise came with me and it ended up being a really great experience. One that I am really excited for.

In even BETTER news, Denise is really finding her own way back to the Lord. You can read about it here. I'm so happy about it.

My life is starting to move so fast and I really feel that some life changing events are coming, which is really exciting!

I'm Mad and I'm Heartbroken

In 2001 this man decided to create a website.

Do you recognize him? This gentleman's name is Noel Biderman. Ring any bells? No? Okay, this man is the person who is responsible for unleashing a marketing blitz that contained this on a billboard in LA:


And this one in New York:


This man, Noel Biderman, created a haven for men and woman to pay a fee, log on, and find a person to have an affair with that would give them complete discretion.

What is WORSE than this "man" starting this website? TWO AND A HALF MILLION people have joined this website.

How sick and how sad. Mr. Biderman has facilitated the act of deceit in a marriage. He has created a place where people can come guilt free to have an affair. What destruction. I'm sure that his website has helped the fall of many marriages and families. This man has helped cause pain and suffering in peoples lives.

But he can't be solely to blame. He may have created this website, but he created it because he saw that there was a market for it. He saw how many people have affairs, how many people want to. He knew that he could become a rich man because of the market for adultery.

This is what makes me angry. It makes me angry that people are so selfish and consumed with sexual temptation that they will cheat on someone else. Why not just leave? Why do complete damage? Why tear your wife/husband to shreds because you can't keep the buttons on your pants closed? To think of all the children that are affected by this. The trust issues that it leaves on your partner and your children.

It seriously breaks my heart.

Strengthening Me

I had made a personal promise to not mention Michael in my blog again. I really didn't think that there was any reason to continue writing about him.

Last night he gave me a reason.

Michael told me that the entire time we were dating, he would get high and talk to me. And that I was an idiot because I couldn't tell. He said that I was close-minded because I've never gotten high, and basically said I was a idiot because I didn't get drunk. He also said that I was a robot with pre-programmed mindsets.

I was so hurt. Devastated. And that is not even 1/3 of our conversation. As soon as he told me that the whole time he had been deceiving me I started crying. How hurtful. While I was here in Hanford, trusting him, he was screwing around behind my back. That burns. I wish that I could say, "Well it doesn't matter, because the whole time that we were dating I was (lying, cheating, w/e)." Just because I want to hurt him, but I can't. The fact is, is that the entire time I was trying to "lay a good foundation without cracks so that our relationship might have a future." That was my thought process.

The worst part of it all is probably that he doesn't feel any stitch of remorse. Because he can't understand why I don't get high or won't date someone who gets high, he discounted my feelings because they were illogical to him. Nevertheless that they were logical and meant something to me. Who cares about that. If it doesn't make sense to him, he'll brush it off and say what he needs to appease whoever he is dealing with.

Denise and her sister Danette came home and I was in my room sobbing. After they managed to calm me down, I told them what happened. What was said as best as I could remember it. Denise's first spoken words were, "I can't believe how much Michael has turned out to be an ass."

It saddens me because I feel that he is so jaded. How can any human being feel that deceiving someone the whole of their relationship is not worse than a person leaving their significant other when a situation goes bad?

He even had the gall to say that my taking Maxalt, for my migraines, is worse than what he does. That, right there, told me that this dude has some major issues. If anything my migraines are more like getting high than anything else. When they get really bad I'm lethargic and I hallucinate. Besides the pain, because I hear you can't feel any with drugs, they are probably a lot like shooting up. When I take the Maxalt, it remedies that. The medication puts me slowly but surely back together so that I can think, feel. It heals something as best as it can for the time being.

While I was talking to Big D and Lil D, I told them that I don't feel like I'm close minded. I don't shun anyone away if they do drugs. I don't judge them. I know and have hung out with people that get high. I watch movies that have characters that get high. It doesn't affect me. It's just not my choice, not the way I live my life. Danette said that its ridiculous that he would say I was close minded. She said, "You don't have to stick a needle in your arm to know that you don't want to do heroin. You don't have to hang out with or date someone who is addicted to crack to know that you don't want to be around it."

I HAVE dated someone who would get high, even occasionally. It became a highly volatile relationship. I already have a relationship with someone that cannot get their life together because of alcohol, I don't want another one. I know that I don't want that in my life, more than ever because of this past relationship.

Somehow, at the end of the conversation I honestly felt that I was a bad person because I didn't choose to do bad things. It's like, I've done and experienced EVERYTHING. I've put myself in bad situations, I've gotten drunk with people I shouldn't have, I've been immoral and ugly to people, I've ruined other peoples relationships for my own entertainment. The one thing that I knew from the get-go that I didn't even want to try was drugs. Other than that, I've done just about everything else that I could that was rebellious. And now? I know what I want.

I want to continue my quest to get closer to God. I want to get involved in the community and in my church. I want to try to make the right decisions, the ones that honor God. I don't want to live for me anymore. I want to have a purpose. I want to change the world, but I know that even if I don't and I only help one person, that will be enough for me to keep going.

Last night I was attacked for my values, my feelings and my beliefs. I have a feeling that it won't be the last time. But next time, I feel that I'll be a bit more prepared to handle the situation. I think what really threw me was that this person was supposed to care for me at one point. He told me that he loved who and how I was. Obviously, that wasn't the case. But it's not the end of the world either.

Life goes on. I will live my life and continue to try to make the right decisions at every turn - regardless of any persecution for my "closemindedness."

Moving on from that, today is a beautiful day. And I intend on enjoying every single moment that I can of it.

A Life Worth Living

I'm a horrible person.

I have been neglecting my blog, when there is so much to write about!

My trip to the coast was exactly what I needed. Unfortunately, when I returned I got some bad news, was scared half to death at 1 am which made me have horrible dreams. I woke up Monday morning with a huge migraine. My second this month. :( It was really, really bad. Those who get migraines will know how bad it was when I say that it was a 'throwing up' migraine. My Dad ended up stopping by to make sure I was okay.

While we are on the subject of my Dad, please keep him in your prayers. He is such a good man, with a good heart. I pray that what is going on right now will get him on the right path. I don't want to lose my Dad. All of your prayers are appreciated.
Mike B. and I have continued to hang out. He is SUCH a goofball. It totally makes me laugh.

There is no news on the Michael front. I'm over it, he's over it. It was a big mistake. A relationship that was based on a lot of deceit. I'm glad it ended before I really got hurt. Adam (my brother-in-law) was right. "If he doesn't call, you have just avoided a huge disaster." And that is exactly what it was. Michael is a good person and he gave me some good memories. I hope that in time we can be good friends. :)

Lately, I've been trying to cork my shyness and put it on the shelf. I've made it a point to be more bold with people I don't know. I've also been getting involved in the Young Republicans of Kings County club.

I am really, truly excited for this club. I really believe that America needs to come back to the conservative side. The club has a good crop of people that I think can make a difference. We want to grow to be a voice in this state. And even beyond this state. It is high time people got involved. I'm so thankful to be a part of it and that the skills I have will help out. We have a lot of events coming up and I really want to immerse myself in it.

Another task I have been working on is decorating my house. I've been trying to get the house completely ready by Easter. I want everything to have a place and everything to be in that place. I love my little home. I can't wait to have some barbeque's here and to celebrate birthdays. Maybe I'm going a little Under the Tuscan Sun here, but I want a house that people like to come to. That is homey and a sanctuary. I am dedicated to making this house as full of love and peace as possible.

The next thing on my list is to get involved in a ministry at church. I've been praying about it a lot. I'm not sure where I should serve. But I do know that I need to get into whatever it is that I'm going to get in to.

Speaking of which, tonight will be an early night because tomorrow I have church. I haven't gone the past two weeks and I am missing it! Luckily, Oasis posts Pastor Kenny's sermons online, so I was able to catch up at work!

Well, that is all for now. I have more stuff to jot on here, but I'm off to dinner. I'm starving and these Robins Eggs are NOT cutting it.