A Little Bit of Everything - Updated

Updated: Sorry for the formatting issues today. That is the price I pay for having a lot of different interfaces working together to make this blog happen. It's a lot like me and Mexican food. Sometimes we just don't agree with each other. ;)


There are a few things I would like to say before starting my weekly goal wrap up.

-It makes me feel bad about myself when my cat kneads his paws on my stomach.
-Apparently, being skinny is not enough incentive for me to get my lard-butt to the gym. Hmph.
-Downloading new music gives me a rush of happiness that is hard to describe.
-Ditching FPU to go to Olive Garden with two of your favorite people in the world makes for a ridiculously entertaining night.
-There are few things more relaxing than cuddling with my cat when he's purring.
-The walls are much too thin when I am listening to music and type-type typing on my keyboard and I can still hear and make out the words from the TV that Bryan is watching. Must not forget this nugget of information should guests ever stay in our living room. Awkward!

On to the weekly wrap up! I have to say, I kicked major buttocks this week. You should be proud. Hell, I'm proud and that is all that truly matters. Last weeks goals were:

Week of January 24, 2011

-Continue Laundering

-Unpack at least 5 boxes

-Tidy the beach room

-Finish decorating the master bedroom

-Organize Items for Yard Sale

And I ended with:

Week of January 24, 2011

-Continue Laundering

-Unpack at least 5 boxes

-Tidy the beach room

-Finish decorating the master bedroom

-Organize Items for Yard Sale

Can you hear that?  It's the sound of me patting my own back. Four out of five? What WHAT! So proud. I definitely continued to launder last week. And as you saw in my previous post, I unloaded way more than 5 boxes. I managed to clean up the beach room as much as I could with my own muscles. Will need husband to help move heavy things. While unpacking, I also managed to set aside and sort a ton of clothes and other items to be sold. That will continue to be a goal as I unpack boxes. I want to purge!


For the this week, my goals are:

Week of January 31, 2011

-Continue Laundering

-Unpack another 5 boxes

-Steam the master bedroom curtains

-Hang the master bedroom curtains

-Organize Jewelry

This week is a rather light week because my husband and I have big plans, so I'll have to spend most of the week preparing for that. Also, Denise moved into her new apartment so I'll be over there to help her get settled in to her new place.


And now, for the part of the post that you probably weren't expecting! The month-end wrap up of my yearly goals!

1. Get fit & get active

2. Challenge my marriage

3. Walk with God

4. Get unpacked and organized

The above four items were the main points in my life where I wanted to challenge myself as outlined for what I like to call 2011: My Year! Every month at the end of the month, I want to go over each one and how I did.


1. Get fit & get active
I'm going to be honest - I was more active in the fact that I didn't just sit on my patootie and watch TV. I was really busy this month. It helped that I challenged myself with weekly goals with things that were more active like laundry and unpacking boxes. When it comes to the gym though,  I get a big fat fail grade. I went once. I worked out on my own maybe twice. Unacceptable. Will need to do much better in February.


2. Challenge my marriage
Does having a grocery stand-off count? Because other than facing off about normal married problems and about my lack of desire to go to the gym, there hasn't been much challenging going on. I haven't even picked up the Love Dare book. Bryan and I haven't had a date night in God knows how long and we've been bickering more than we have been loving. However, because of how busy we have been busy, we've had more than a few stolen moments of long kisses and extra cuddling in the mornings on the weekends which has been nice. I hope that we can turn the tides so that we have much more love going on and much less bickering.


3.  Walk with God
This is area where I have failed the worst. I know that this is the most important item on my yearly goal list. I know that a relationship with God will give me the encouragement to get healthy and to have a happy marriage that can withstand anything. In my life, the times that I have stood with God have been the times that I have been the strongest. I am so weak and difficult, and His grace soothes and simplifies life. In an effort to fix this lacking area of my life, Bryan and I will be attending a weekly bible study at his mom's house with a few other couples. I'm really excited about it and I'm hoping that this can give me a big push in the right direction.


4. Get unpacked and get organized
I am feeling a whole lot better with this item. Things are certainly not where I want them to be when it comes to the house but I am definitely on the right track. I haven't done a whole lot of decorating but I have a decor closet that I have been organizing everything in, so when the time comes and more boxes are unpacked I can take a look at my inventory and know what I have to work with. This will help us to save money and it's a great incentive to keep unpacking!


I can say that when I started my yearly goals I hoped that I would be further along in some area and I am a tad disappointed that I didn't try harder. Looking back, I could have tried harder. But, instead of berating myself because I am human and endlessly flawed, I look at February as a new month. I can mold it to be what I need it to be and I can always do better. And I intend on doing just that.

Expanding On A Thought

I've been thinking about yesterday's post quite a bit. If you have not read it you can scroll down because I'm too lazy to give you the link. But I love ya! :)

I believe that I am still in cranky-pants mode and I'd like to just blurb a few things.

• Skinny people? Hate you. Hate you and your gym-going self. What DISCIPLINE you have. Bite me.
• Naturally Skinny People? Do. Not. Even. EAT THAT OREO IN FRONT OF ME. Hate you and your figure too. And your genetics. Because the rest of us eat an Oreo and guess where it goes? IT GOES TO OUR ASSES. Yes. I just cursed. I should be allowed a quota per year. Quota is to be determined.
• People with blogs about houses that look like magazines. Hi. Tell me. How do you do it? You give us step-by-steps of how to hang a photo frame and how to effectively use "pops" of color. Here is what I want to know. How do you work a full-time job, take care of your husband who has a crazy-free spirit /animals that like to drool and leave hair every where, clean your house, cook dinner every night, write at least one blog post per day, shop for your cheap decor items, and still manage to have time to obsessively watch 30 Rock episodes streaming from Netflix? And solve world hunger? HOW? Enlighten me. Because I try to think about how my parents did it and now I realize why my room was always full of laundry and Saturday mornings/early afternoons were devoted to cleaning like banshees. Oh yes, and lets not forget how you handle your budget by clipping coupons and save money for your amazing kitchen. Because I? I want an amazing kitchen. Stat. 
• Those of you who get up early and go work out and read your bible and all that? Wish I was you. Would probably help my yet-to-be-determined cursing quota. 
• Target. I love you. And I hate you. And I hate that I love you. Why? Why is it that I visit you and I leave $100 poorer every time? And most of the time I don't have many cheap movies from your blissful cheap movie aisle. Most of the time its things like tampons and pads, and shampoo and conditioner and maybe even some face-wash. Why you gotta be so hard on my pocketbook? It hurts, Target. It hurts. 

Dang, an Oreo sounds pretty darn good right now. 

Argh!

Freedom...

Veteran's Day just passed and it got me thinking a lot about freedom. Freedom is a pretty precarious thing. Most wars are fought over freedom. People, every day, sign their lives away for an (almost) thankless job of protecting freedom. They fight for the freedoms of other people that don't even live in our country. They kill other people all for the sake of freedom.

To stop and think about it, it is a crazy, what one will do for freedom. What a nation or a society of people will do for freedom. For the freedom of others. It's amazing and terrifying.

I started this blog for freedom. I wanted, needed to have an outlet. Now, I am only marginally creative. I've never been one to paint or create or build. I've always been a reader and a writer. I started this blog for the creative expression. To write. To document. To vent. It was supposed to be a representation of me, my life, and my thoughts.

In starting a blog, there has to be a modicum of discretion. I've had to be careful in how I explain my thoughts, as to not upset anyone. I've had to ask permission to post things. I've posted in anger, in frustration, and sometimes I left it up. Other times I took them down.

At work, my boss always says, "Megan, put it in writing. Then there will be a record and there is no disputing it." She told me to be careful of what I write because its documented. It's locked in. You have a little wiggle room with tones - but the words are there forever. And how someone perceives those words is important. There are times when I have written and re-written an email because I felt it sounded snarky, or rude. Which is appropriate and right. At work you need to be professional, you need to keep emotions at bay and do your job.

While a margin of professionalism needs to bleed into this blog, since a large portion of my life takes place at work, I had every intention of being myself. I wanted to have an accurate representation of my life. Not for anyone else, but for myself. To have a place to be me, as unfiltered as possible. I wanted a space for my creativity to be unleashed.

Recently, I went back and read some posts and they don't sound like me. Most of the people that read this click on the link from facebook, or are family members or old school mates. And maybe a few of them could tell that I wasn't being me, that I wasn't writing how I would speak or interact with other people. Mainly, that was because I was so worried. I was worried about hurting feelings, of being taken out of context, of not being accepted, of not being understood.

How did my "space for my creativity to be unleashed" become about OTHER people?

I didn't want to step on toes, or let that fact that I'm a Christian and I say "shit" pretty regularly be called being hypocritical. Or if I wrote about how I'm a conservative republican being manipulated into being close-minded and hateful towards others.

Many of you reading this know me, but don't KNOW me. I don't let a whole lot of people in. Some take that as being rude or stuck up. Some think I am shy. Honestly, I AM shy. I am really, horrible insecure when it comes to making friends. I am awkward to the nth degree. But, if you are pushy enough (like most of my friends are), once I get comfortable, the Portuguese in me takes over and I am loud. And sometimes hilarious, and often quiet. But when I feel safe, I let myself be me.

So, since I am writing for myself, why am I not being ME? Why am I letting myself by caged in when this is MY outlet? How does that make any sense whatsoever?

The answer is it doesn't. It does make sense to not post in angry, or be flippant with words. Words have meaning and everyone should tread carefully. But on the flip side of that, people need to be true to themselves. I need to remember that I can state how I feel, by being respectful, but not compromising who I am.

Freedom of any kind is worth fighting for... and I intend to go down swinging.

Confusing Directions

This might seem random, but I find that I am a tad more honest and open when I blog at night. Is that weird? I mean... I generally think of myself as a very honest and straight forward person. But even I have my moments when I am guarded... although I try not to be on here.

Last Tuesday night, Ryan, Denise, Andy, Anna, Anna's sister Sarah, their friend Erin and myself went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

I liked it a lot, obviously. But I felt that the book had a great line up for a screenplay. As much as I understand that the book will always have more details, I feel that the lines of the movie should parallel to the book. I think that the Half-Blood Prince was one such book that could have been translated into the theater without risking too much of the meat.

I was pretty disappointed. There were little things that were changed for seemingly no reason at all. Anna also made a great point: The movie focused so much on the relationships of the characters. But not on the most important one - the love story between Harry and Jenny. This story was all about building our knowledge of Voldemort. And yet we didn't learn very much about him. We didn't learn about Merope or what happened to Voldemorts father. We don't see what happens to Voldemorts grandfather. The whole thing really saddened me. The entire premise of the Half Blood Prince is to learn how to defeat the Dark Lord - and yet we hardly learned anything at all.

Anywho, I am still happy with the books and still an avid fan. Hopefully the next two movies will be worth the craziness in this one.

Early Wednesday morning I got up and loaded the Vdub. I made great time to Alisons' house where I am spending my vacation.

It has been so nice playing with Emma and Brody. They are so cute. Impossibly so. Last night, Alison and Mark went out on a date and Emma and I had a date of our own. We had dessert which consisted of a freshly cut pineapple that was delicious. We played Crainium's Hullabaloo and we watched Pinocchio... Which I haven't seen in years.

Okay... so maybe I am extremely lame for not knowing this, but does anyone else realize the similarities between Pinocchio's Hi-Diddelee-Dee (An Actors Life For Me), Snow White's Yo Ho, Yo Ho, It's off to Work We Go and Pirates of the Caribbeans A Pirates Life For Me?

I just put that together. Here are the links:

Pinocchio
Pirates of The Caribbean
Snow White

Moving on from that distraction...

I've been stressed lately. All this life stuff. When did things get so complicated? It feels like my life as 360ed in the past few weeks. The beginning of July set off a course of events and now I'm left with the remnants and I have no clue what to do with them. It's like I am trying to deal with it but I really don't know where to begin the process.

So, I do what I can.. I pray. Last night after the kids went to bed and I went out on the balcony and watched the cars pass. I had a long talk with God. I went through all the emotions... sadness, anger, confusion and then by the end of course, I apologized. I forgot that He has a plan. And right now His plan is changing MY plan and it completely frustrated me. Even though I shouldn't I felt like he was scolding me.

"Do you think you know more than I? Do you think you can plan your life better than I can?"

And of course, I know that I cannot. How could I? Against the one who knows every hair on my head... every desire of my heart.

Again, I am in the position of letting him take the reins. Which is hard for me to do. I feel like my heart is changing and I'm kind of scared what that brings. I've always known that I wanted to be a wife. I've always known that I wanted to be a mother and maybe even a stay at home mother. I mourned for a while when I learned that none of those things may be in the cards for me. I might not ever get married or find 'the one'. I might never get to experience motherhood.. and that saddens me to the highest degree.

Such is life. I just have to learn that things will come when they are meant to. And not when I desire them to be so. I have to keep my head straight and do what I can.

Hmm... off subject... the window is open in Alison's living room and the neighbors are smoking and its wafting in here. SERIOUSLY? Does this follow me every where I go?

The neighbors to the left of us at home smoke on their back porch... our swamp cooler sucks it in and blows it right into our living room. Geez.

Moving on. Tomorrow, I make the trek back to Hanford. I'm excited to go home and see my bestie and my babies, Duey and Danny. I guess I should be going off to bed to get some rest.

Until the next time....

Overcome...

Its poor form to post a blog like I did and not follow up within a few days but I've been busy. Frankly, I just haven't had much heart to post anything about my personal life.

I have slept! Thank God, because I am so grumpy when I don't sleep. I left work early on Friday because I kept nodding off. Denise was getting her car worked on and I had to drive her back to her work, but right after that I went home and got in bed. I couldn't fall asleep. As soon as I did, my sister, Kari, called. It would be my luck, but she wanted to offer me some bath time in her awesome huge tub and I was appreciative of the gesture. I tried falling back asleep after that and couldn't. I finally got myself up and went to pick Denise up from work and take her back to the shop to get her car.

I've been asked why I haven't been able to sleep and I have no clue. I don't know if it was an overactive mind, or that fact that I got in a fight with a friend that I care very much about (over something very minimal but hormones played into it) and I hate to think that is what made me sleepless because that means I care way, way more than I previously thought I did... which is a good and bad thing.

Luckily, I kept myself very, very busy for the rest of the day on Friday and ended up sleeping solidly from 11:30pm to 10:30am. Yay! Grumpy Megan was out and Happy Megan was in!

I had a pretty chill weekend, hanging out with friends and what not. Church was very good and one of the ladies that helps with the Children's Ministry asked if I could be an adult supervisor for the next three weeks in the classroom, so I agreed. I have that to look forward to this weekend!

Unluckily, my car has been acting up and I'm not happy about it one bit. I'm trying to keep my patience with Skeeter but I found myself yelling at her a couple of times. (Her name is Margaret, but her nickname is Skeeter and she is a VW New Beetle.)

Now, back to comment about the lack of blogging about my personal life.

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be an outlet for me. I'm shy... and if you know me, like really know me, you are probably thinking, there is NO way she is shy. For those of you are thinking this I must remind you that yes, in fact I am shy, just not around you! :)

For those of you that don't know me and have met me in person, please don't take my awkwardness and silence as "I'm too good to talk with you." It's more of "I'm super shy and am scared to let you know my goofiness cause you might just think I'm a crazy person."

Everyone has their fears and mine is rejection. (I can't believe I wrote that.) So, I keep people at bay until I can trust that they won't run for the hills when they see that I am human, that parts of me are weak and parts are strong...and parts are downright nerdy. Some mistake this as me being stuck up, but I assure you that I am not. I like people. I like talking to people. I like meeting new people.. I just have a hard time with making the first move.

Anyway, in my last relationship I opened up quite a bit and I blogged about my feelings, thoughts, and fears. I tried to be as open and honest as I could and it kinda sorta blew up in my face.

Needless to say, I've been scared to write about my relationships with other people (male or female) because I don't want the same thing to happen.

Then, a bunch of people start commenting about how honest I am in my blog and they love it... What topped it off was that I logged in to Facebook and had a message from someone I was never close with in high school who said things that seriously made me tear up. Her support about my honestly really helped me to WANT to blog again and to be open in my blog.

After praying about it another day, I really feel like this blog is important for me in this time of my life. I feel called to write about my life and if it helps just ONE person to understand they are not alone, it is worth it.

The floodgates have been opened and I am BACK!

I hope that you will stay with me as I try to wade through the waters that is my life.