Wednesday, May 17, 2017

A Shift in Thought

There have been a few times in my life where I knew that I was at a point of no return. Can you recognize them in your own life? When you are just on the cusp of some event or decision that will change your future forever?

I knew it when Alison left for college.

I knew it when Kari told me she couldn't live at home anymore.

I knew it when my Mom and I moved out of the house and left Dad behind.

I knew it when I moved out of Bryan's house (the second time) and we ended things "for real this time."

I remember walking on Coronado Beach with Alison. I was visiting a few months post-breakup and she asked me if I thought Bryan and I would ever be together again. I told her no. At that moment in time I felt that we were done. That I was on the brink of a completely different life. One that did not include Bryan. I told her I was at peace that it didn't work out.

I married him a few months later.

Obviously, when you get that feeling that you are beginning a path you know is different than before, you don't know what lies in front of you. You just feel the shift.

I feel it now. I sense it. I've felt it before and I feel it now. My life is on the brink of something new and I feel like it's mostly internally. I have been experiencing a shift in my thought process and I'm dissecting some things I thought I knew but I really don't know at all.

It's hard to articulate. Things I thought were black and white are not. What was once important is not. Priorities are shifting and relationships are changing. It's a little disconcerting. I'm seeing and experiencing life in a way that I have not before.

I know and recognize that it's happening but I'm not jumping in. If you know me well you know that I tend to bury my head a bit when I'm processing. Imagine me being the little circle that develops when I program is trying to load. That's how I've been for the past few months. I feel that this time, it's not that I don't want this change... I know I need it. It's welcome. Instinctively, it's not the time to run in blindly and figure it all out as it comes. Sometimes life needs an loose action plan. I'm in the process of developing mine.


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