Monday, July 29, 2013

Uncomfortable Truths, Vol 2

One of the bloggers that I follow, Katherine of Grass Stains has this amazing series of posts on her blog that are all about her uncomfortable truths. You can click here to read them, they are seriously hilarious.

I know I have a lot of uncomfortable truths about me, but these are ones I've actually jotted down:

:: I recently (as in within the past two and a half years) learned how to properly use a toilet seat protector. For most of my life, I put the "tongue" of the protector facing the edge of the toilet. At a local pizza parlor, my Mom and I fought for the bathroom so we went in together and she went first. I saw her put the protector facing the tank of the toilet and was amazed. She didn't have to rush to get her pants down before the protector fell into the toilet. It was amazing.

:: Bryan, Shepherd and I went to a family pool party the last weekend in June. Shepherd had a blow out all over my dress, which I cleaned in the sink with Shout, let it dry and put it back on. No big deal. We went to Walmart to get a few necessities and I realized that I hadn't gotten all of the poop. The uncomfortable part was how unaffected I was about having another human beings poop on me as I shopped.

:: Our work bathroom has two doors. The first door gets you to the sink and mirror section of the bathroom. The second gets you into the toilet part of the bathroom. The second door locks while the first door stays open, so someone could be washing their hands while someone is using the loo. Every woman that has had a baby has had to deal with some post-partum bathroom issues. Like, uncomfortable bowel movements for one reason or another. While reading up on labor, I found that famous midwife Ina Mae Gaskin encourages her women to vibrate their lips together (like a horse) which helps relax the muscles so they won't tear. She also encourages this for hemorrhoids. Picture me, coming out of the restroom to wash my hands, explaining this to a coworker who had heard the loud horse like noises through the door. Horrifying.

:: I will often decline to answer my phone when it rings, but will respond to a text message sent by the caller seconds after the missed call. I have phone anxiety. I also hate voice-mail messages. I never listen to them. Ever. I wish there was a nice way of saying this in my voice-mail message. "Hi, you've reached Megan at 559-555-2424. I never listen to my voice-mails so you might just want to try calling me again later. Thanks!"

:: I love headbands. And hair pins. And hair jewelry. I do. I even look pretty good in most hats. But when I try to wear them I feel very uncomfortable. Like I'm not me. Like I look like an idiot. I will often wear them at home but never out in public because my anxiety gets so high that I act like a meth addict that hasn't had a fix for a while. Jumpy and awkward. It makes no sense.


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