It Hurts

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOOOOTBALL??? Wrap-up? Except... not really.

Yesterday was the Superbowl and more importantly, was an excused day to eat 7 layer dip and lemon bars.  Didn't you hear? Calories don't exist on Superbowl Sunday. ;)

While we only watched the coin toss, the half-time show and the last minute of the game because we don't really care much about football, it was still a nice day.

Sorta.

There was a bunch of drama between my alcoholic father and me.... and I ended up getting a pretty gnarly headache.

Luckily, I was able to tough it out because Bryan and I invited Denise and Bryan's cousin Ali to come over to watch movies and eat food. I sat there with a heating pad on my head, drugged up, and I kept repeating, "Bryan, shhhh... you are too loud!" and "No, Bryan! I don't want to drink any alcohol. I'm drugged right now!"

But around 6, my head started feeling WAY better, I was finally able to have a lemon bar and a little more dip, and we watched That Thing You Do. Love that movie! I made minestrone soup in the crock pot for our dinners this week, and I made enough to freeze half for another meal later on. Woohoo!

All in all, it was a fine Superbowl Sunday.

Yesterday was just another instance of how devastating it is to have someone that you love be addicted to drugs, alcohol or involved with other styles of destructive behavior. I feel so sad for my Dad, for my family, because this will never end. It's the same cycle over and over again.

It's especially hard because while I can usually deal with it in (what I can only hope is) a healthy way, it still is a constant in my life. It's always there, looming around the corner. It's a major pain, emotionally and physically to deal with someone that is so all over the place. Especially when they are 'normal', they are amazing. Its like mourning the death of one of your favorite people all the time. Over and over again.

I don't want anything bad to happen to my Dad. But at the same time, I want this cycle to end. I want it to be over. I hate the roller coaster of it all. The mean words, the broken promises, the pretending. It's all so heavy that I just don't to deal with it anymore. Even if I pulled away and cut all communication, I would still think about it and wonder. And miss out on the good times that come around every once in a while.

It just is what it is, I guess. But it still hurts.

Things are Not-At-All as Kinky as They Seem...

Have you ever gotten home, fell on your bed and never got up again? No?

No?

Then I definitely did not get home last night 8:15 in the pm, take off my pants and fall into bed without even plugging in my cell phone. I did not stay in bed until I fell asleep at 10 and I did not sleep through the night until 7:15 without so much as waking up when Duey sneaked his way onto the bed.

Nosiree.

I got home last night, did an hour of yoga, cleaned my whole house top to bottom, made cookies for my husband and caught up on all the laundry.

Okay, okay. Was it the yoga or the cleaning my house that gave it away?

I was so, so, massively burned out last night that when I got home from my CASA training, I did that movie star thing where as you walk, more and more clothes come off until you fall into bed thing. Except usually movies have two people doing that. I just had one. My husband found me snuggled in bed in the dark about 15 minutes later.

Bryan: Whatcha dooooin?

Me: I'm in bed.

Bryan: I see that. Want to watch a movie?

Me: I can't.

Bryan: Why?

Me: Because I'm in bed.

Bryan: Why?

Me: Because I can't move anymore. I need to just stop. No phone, no computer, no movies, no reading. Just silence and the dark.

Bryan: So what am I supposed to do?

Me: Lay down.

......5 minutes later....

Me: Bryan! No cell phones!! Just disconnect for a while with me!!!

Bryan: So you just want me to lay here alone?

Me: You aren't alone! I'm right here. Shhh.

Bryan: (sigh)

Cali: (groan)

Lily: (meow)

Bryan: Let's go watch that movie!

Duey: (Grrrrrr....)

Me: (sigh) No! I can't. I'm so tired.

We all ended up staying in the room for the rest of the evening until Bryan went to shut down the house. I never moved. Not even to go to the bathroom after drinking all that water. I slept all night. But when I woke up?

I felt like Hulk... or a vampire or something. I woke up from the dead and I tore off my shirt while screaming, "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" And Bryan was like, "IT'S ALIVE!!!!" Except he was more like, "Hey babe, how'd you sleep." Same diff.

I feel ah-mazing. Like I can tackle the world! Which I pretty much have to tonight. I have a ton of errands to run and then I've gotta get my house cleaned up and laundry done. I'm also hoping to take pictures of the living room tonight to post them. It might have to wait until tomorrow.

I'm going grocery shopping tonight so that I can make some snacks for Superbowl Sunday. Bryan and I will probably just watch movies all day and then watch the half-time show... We aren't really watch-sports-on-tv people. But we are eat-superbowl-snacks people!! Which explains why we are both chunky. :)

Over and out!

Water, I Love to Hate You.

I read in an article, I don't remember which one, that most Americans are extremely dehydrated and that most of the time, Americans 'thirst' mechanism goes off as a hunger pain because the body has been trained to know that the only liquids it might get are through the food process. (Because you usually drink when you eat.)

This was astounding to me. I think back on my days and realize that other than a cup of coffee in the morning for breakfast, some milk/juice or soda at lunch or dinner, that is all I drink. For the entire day.

Wow. Not okay! Oh, that article also says that drinking water throughout the day can help you lose weight, help you stay awake, help your hair grow, help your eye-sight, help your stiff joints/back AND keep your skin pretty.

And I wasn't even drinking a tenth of my eight 8oz glasses a day. I've been trying to remedy it. I have a water bottle at my desk and I constantly sip from it and replenish it from a Brita container I bought at Target. When I start to feel tired or I have blurred vision from sitting at the computer for so long, or I feel 'hungry', I drink water  instead. I just keep taking little sips, here and there. I've worked my way up to drink about a bottle and a half at work.

When I get home I fill up another bottle and I sip from that all night. My goal is to drink three bottles of water at work (16.9 oz bottle) and 2 bottles of water at home (20 oz bottle). So I would be consuming 90.7 fluid ounces of water a day. Plus when I drink juice, tea, soda, milk, etc.

What I have found is that there is a cycle. I noted down my thoughts this past week. (The times are averaged.)

• 8:45: Coffee... mmm...I could drink coffee all day every day. But I only get one cup, so it better be GOOD.
• 9:30: I only drank half my coffee. I could heat it back up or drink water. Chose water. Fill bottle. Ugh.
• 10:00: Got up to go the copier. Leg is super stiff from having it tucked under my other leg in a half Indian-position. Note to self: Stop tucking leg under other leg. Drink water.
• 10:45: Ate lunch with the girls. Forgot to grab water. Did not drink while eating. Guzzled water when I got back to desk.
• 11:30: Kids lunch time. Here we go. Sip water.
• 12:45: Talk to Jessica. Hate water. Won't ever drink any more. Its tasteless and disgusting. Took a drink of water.
• 1:45: OHMYGOD! IMSOTHIRSTY! GOINGTODIE!
• 1:47: Refilled water bottle with cold water. Drank 1/4 of bottle. Brain-freeze. Why did I DO that!
• 2:40: Took a sip of water, kids are almost gone for the day.
• 3:45 YAY! Almost time to leave. Holy crap I need to PEE. 
• 4:00 Leave work. 

This is how it goes just about every day. I waiver between water is the BEST THING EVER to this water is DISGUSTING; I can't drink any friggin' more water or I'm going to shoot myself in the foot with a water gun full of mud. 

Seriously, I have a love/hate relationship. All these people keep telling me, "Oh, just get some of those Crystal Light powder packages that transform your water into FLAVORED water." No. Just, no. Those are disgusting. I don't want to spend any money on water-enhancing products. I am not going to drink synthetic powder that is made up of chemicals and aspartame to make my water taste strawberry-ish or whatever. 

No. 

I can't tell you that I have had any miracles happen since I've become focused on drinking water. Seriously. The only thing I can really tell is that I'm water bloated as crap. Its like my body is holding on to every ounce of water that it can cling its little molecules to because it knows I'm probably going to go into dehydration again soon. My own body doesn't trust me. Sad days. 

The only real change is that I'm visiting the potty-room more often than usual. But I know I'm not where I should be because I'm still only going four, maybe five times a day (morning, work, after-work, during lounge time, before bed) when I used to go three, (morning, after work, before bed). 

I'm assuming this is not normal by gauging how often the teachers visit the restroom at work. Since my desk is right by it I can monitor the normal comings and goings. Although, many of our teachers have had kids so that messes my perimeters up a bit. 

Don't worry, its not lost on me that I am monitoring the bathroom usage at work to see if I'm normal. 

I'm fully aware that I'm a freaking weirdo.

Post Summary: I'm Ridiculously Talented at All Things Photography

I sold a necklace! That is one necklace more than I expected to sell. So, goooo me!

I have had a lot of hits, though. People are looking. Which is good, I suppose.

In other, more important news, I redecorated my living room this weekend. Full Disclosure: Denise and I redecorated my living room. She was my muscles. :)

Did I ever mention my World Market hutches obsession? Let me look back. Please hold.

I gave up.

Because I'm dedicated.


I'm gonna go with no; I did not tell you about the hutches from World Market. Which is unfortunate for two reasons. The first being, I have been obsessed with said hutches for about a year...or maybe a little over. The second...I was totes blogging when I first found them.

Luckily, this blog has never been solely centered on home decor so I did not fail.

A year ago, or maybe over, I found these hutches.

World Market Farmhouse Hutches via Decor Pad

They are beautiful. And $498 for just one. I would need two. Ouch. I couldn't pay that and I knew I couldn't get the hubs on board either. So, I watched...and I waited.

Two trips to Visalia ago, I saw that the hutches were on sale... for 50%. Ohhhh. Tempting. I kept talking to Bryan about it but alas, no go...and I waited.

The day, January 16. Where? World Market. What? Farmhouse Hutches. Price? $224.00 Also? Zero interest if you use your WM card. Which means by the end of Feb, those babies would be paid off, no problem.

Bryan said no. I was calm, I explained that for two 'trendy' pieces of big furniture that would last us a very long time at a price of two under the price of one? Come oooon. He scoffed. "Wait. Just wait until they are discontinued." "Fine." I said. "But I think we will end up regretting this decision." And that was it. I was sad. 

When I say that I was obsessed, I mean... I was ob-sess-ed. No joke. I checked on them weekly. Imagine my surprise when I went online the Thursday after that and they were gone. I freaked out. I called Visalia and they said, we only have the display. Sorry. 

The whole time I'm talking to them I'm texting Bryan:

Me: "OH MY WORD, THE HUTCHES ARE GONE."

Me: "VISALIA SAYS THEY ARE DISCONTINUED." 

Me: "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS; WHY DID I LISTEN TO YOU?!"

I called Fresno.

Me: "VISALIA ONLY HAS THE DISPLAY" 

Me: "CALLING FRESNO RIGHT NOW IF THEY HAVE TWO I'M BUYING THEM."

Bryan: "What?! This was not an approved purchase!"

Me: "YOU TOLD ME TO WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE DISCONTINUED. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY I'M BUYING THEM."

Fresno: "We have two, in boxes."

Me: "Sold."

I now have two, fully assembled gorgeous hutches sitting in my living room. I win. 

But having those in there made me want to rearrange and fix the rest of the room. While it is not done (when is a room ever done?), it's much better. I'll take progress pictures tonight. Probably....soon. 

PS. In my campaign for hutches, I sent this to Bryan, text included:

"I'm so good at photoshop. I have more talents than you."

PSS. Yes, this was right around Christmas time. Yes, I know my house is messy. Yes I know my robe tie looks like a wonky drawing of a vagina. Don't judge me.

PSSS. Ten points if you can spot the cat.

PSSSS. In case you were wondering, my house is not crooked. It is not some built on a hill house. It is very level. These are my fine photography skills. They match my fine photoshop skills. I am a jack of many trades.

My Heart is Pounding.

Have I mentioned that I started making jewelry? It ain't no thing. I just really needed a hobby and non-medicated help with my anxiety. 

Turns out, I REALLY LIKE IT. So much so that Bryan was like "Hey, you need to sell some of this crap." And I was like "Hey. It is not crap. It's jewelry." And he goes, "Oh yeah, you are totally right. Its amazing and if you want to buy more jewelry supplies you need to sell some of this crap."

At least, I think that is how it went. 

Anyways, I really, really don't want to sell my stuff. What if people don't like it? What if I suck at it and NO ONE BUYS IT? I'm not all that great with putting myself out there and stuff. 

Well, I opened up a store. It's all kinds of free and then you use paypal to buy stuff and they charge me and I send it to you. It's pretty simple and safe. Except... when NO ONE BUYS YOUR STUFF. 

Because that'll probably happen to me. 

Did I mention that I posted the link to Facebook and I feel like I'm gonna throw up? No? 

I'm gonna go hide under a rock. Happy Sunday...

Friends are for Coupons...

Let me set the stage. I'm at work, innocently sipping on my iced coffee, on the phone with a credit card company that is trying to screw the district and over. my. dead. body. will that happen.

I'm put on hold while the super nice guy talks to his 'manager' about fees that I'm just not going to pay, darn it. And I'm bored. I'm waiting for a while. I grab my cell and cruise on to Facebook.. why not? Right? Right.

International Delight are the smart, smart people that have been bottling vanilla iced coffee GOODNESS and I was the smarty pants that tried it out. It's at the grocery store for like... $4.58 or something. You might think that's expensive. But, to me? My normal favorite cup of joe at Java Heaven is $4.25 for a 16 oz tall. Yeah. For an extra $.33 I get not one drink, but up to five or six? At my convenience? When I open the fridge it is there and I never gotta do anything put shake it and put it in a to-go cup?

Saaaay whaaaaaaaat?

So, ID posts that they are having a give-away. A gallon of your choice of iced coffee. Just sign up. Signed.

Click here for a coupon? $1.00 off ANY ID product? Clicking.

Oh. Shucks. You gotta 'refer' them to a friend or two in order to get the coupon. Hmm. I don't like doing that. I am really uncomfortable with the whole, post this give-away on your Facebook page and get another entry! That's not what the Book o' Faces is for, yo.

But I really want that coupon.

Enter, my best friend, Denise. SHE won't care if I refer her. Because what makes me happy, makes her happy. And Megan on coffee is a happy Megan. So I click on her name and submit. Lo and behold, I have a printed coupon for my vanilla-y coffee goodness.

Oh yeah. Considering I just ran out TODAY...this is happiness. Except...Now I have it... and I feel bad. I sold out my BEST FRIEND for a one dollar coupon. Is that all she means to me? $1.00?

So I wrote her and said... "I'm sorry I sold you out for a $1 coupon......But it was totally worth it."

I feel much better now. 

In Which, I Forgot.

I had something interesting and entertaining to blog about today, but guess who forgot what it was?

THIS GUY! Errr... Girl.

I've been sitting here thinking about it... What was it? Do you know?

Well, I can tell you this, I feel sick. Who ate a small piece of cake, a pop-tart and an orange twenty minutes ago?

THIS GIRL! See? It doesn't work with girl.

Do you picture me with my hands up and my thumbs pointed to me? Cause that's what I do when I read it out loud.

It's who I am.

I just finished making dinner and now I'm gathering a list of items I need to get at Target. I haven't been there in quite a few weeks... I've been staying away because it is just so dangerous for the pocket book to go in there!

But I must. We are out of necessities. Like... beans. Laundry detergent. Cotton swabs. Gold fish.

While I am there, I will think about what I was actually going to blog about. If I remember, I'll write it down for tomorrow.

Because after Target, I've got homework to do for CASA.

Since this post didn't have anything cool, I'll include this:

This is a picture I took on Denise and my birthday trip in November. We were on a boat ride.

Ohhh, I should blog about that trip! Niiiiice. See how that worked out?