Saturday, September 26, 2009

A New Commitment

Its amazing to me how quickly life spins you into different phases of your life. Lately, I have hardly had time to stop and breathe let alone stop and think about all the things that are happening right now in my life.

I was thinking the other day of how this looks to people on the outside. When I look at it, its hard for even me to discern the catalyst of the past few weeks.

I am getting married.

I am getting married??

Crazy. Insane. Nothing I would ever have predicted a year ago, six months ago, three months ago. This past year and a half has been... indescribable. Its zoomed past me, almost totally on its own. And now, its halted, at this major event and then after? Will it be a slow and peaceful life? Will it be fast paced and full of adventure with my new husband? Will it be hard? Will it be easy? Will we make it?

Those questions have been swirling in my head and all I can come up with is YES. YES. It will be slow and peaceful at times. YES, it'll be filled with new adventures. Yes, it'll be hard at times and easy at times. Will we make it? YES.

Bryan and I have loved each other since I was 14 years old. Fourteen. Years. Old. Of that time we have spent about three years apart. Including the last year and a half. We clicked in a remarkable way when we met in Lemoore so many years ago. We have spent hours upon hours on the phone talking about life, love, family, God - and all of the other run of the mill topics. We have been linked in such a profound way that I am not really all that surprised by this.

But I know some of you are. Which I suppose is a reason for this post.

Three months ago I was dating Michael. I'm sure you remember him. I would usually refer to him as Mike B. but that was 86'd when the other Michael exited from my life (and blog!). So, Michael was amazing. He was a tad bit younger than me, but was unlike anyone I had ever met. I just reread that sentence and I have to amend - Michael IS amazing. He is going to be a catch for a really lucky girl. And I hope that she makes him so happy that he can barely stand it. He deserves it much more than he thinks he does.

Things started to fall apart between us, and in July, some really awful things were happening to me. Personally, professionally, I was taking a hit. It was one thing after another. A rough slope and my body was just bouncing on each event harder and fast than the one before. I couldn't keep up. Things between Michael and I continued to deteriorate and we both just checked out.

Fast forward to August. Bryan moved back from L.A. where he had been attending The Musicians Institute. We hung out one day - purely as friends - to catch up on each others lives. I told him about everything that was going on with me and he filled me in on everything that was going on with him. I told him about how I was involved with the Young Republicans club and how I had been elected to be Chair of the Formal Committee and how Andy saved my life by signing up to be my co-chair. He started to ask questions about my involvement and the things we did as a group. He was interested in the people I had met through the club.

I told him that I had already met so many great people and I hoped that our club would continue to grow and be active. He asked if there were any guys there that I thought were cute. Of COURSE there were guys in there that was cute. And I mentioned one in particular that I had enjoyed conversing with. Then I was quick to amend, "but he doesn't look at me that way." This spiraled a whole bunch of different conversation that on my end, isn't too important to the story.

I had enjoyed talking to Bryan, so we continued to hang out here and there as friends. One night, Bryan mentioned that our relationship had been an either - just commit to it and ride it through, or get away from it completely. Which I agreed with. Because we are So. Incredibly. Different. we are very passionate people about opposite things which in some cases, is an awesome and amazing thing. In other instances, it can be the sources of fighting over stupid things and being controlling over certain situations.

Things started to calm down (in some aspects) of my life and I was getting a handle on things. Michael and I were over completely by now which is something that is hard to adapt to. The end of any relationship fills you with this... What do I do with myself now? complex. I was already SO busy, but it was the nights that were hard...and the weekends. Michael and I hung out so much that there were blocks of time that I'd just be what now? So, luckily, I had projects to stretch out in that time and I had Denise and Anna who filled up the rest.

Then, slowly but surely, Bryan and I spent more time together. As our time together grew, our conversations with each other went to a deeper and more complex place. A while later, I realized that my feelings for Bryan had resurfaced with a vengeance. When I asked him, how did this happen?! He look at me and said, "Well, the first time we hung out made me scared that I was going to lose you forever. That you were going to meet some guy in YR that could sweep you off your feet. So I just waited. I hung out with you more and more. Then at some point I started wooing you and you let me. I couldn't believe you were letting me! And now we're here."

I didn't know he was courting me. Now that I look back, I see that he was slowly and surely moving me into that place, but at the time, I had no clue. And I was scared by my feelings. I was not ready to love Bryan again. Loving Bryan is a full-time job. I'm not trying to be mean, but it is. And I bet he'd say that loving me was a full-time job too. (Although, now I think he sees my independence - something I didn't have when we were together before.)

"...And now we're here." Where? Where EXACTLY were we? And then... In a blink of an eye, were are here. Marriage was thrown around, parents were talked to, a ring was purchased, and at my sisters house, last Friday, Bryan got down on one knee and asked the one question I always dreamed about, and the one I never thought would happen.

If I was reading this blog, I would be thinking that this blog needed to get to the good stuff. The juicy stuff. Unfortunately for anyone that might read this blog, there is no juicy part. Bryan and I have always wanted a fall wedding. Any time we EVER spoke about getting married it was always in the fall. Its our favorite season. So it was either, plan a wedding in 6 weeks or wait 12 months. Neither of us wanted to do that. Especially me. I do NOT want this long and complicated process to be drawn out. I have always wanted a small wedding, and selfishly, I knew that this would be a way to get that.

I'm not pregnant. This isn't a shotgun wedding to cover anything up. It's just a quick wedding. We've made the decision. We've committed to this. So, we've decided on October 25, 2009.

I am so happy and so blessed. :)


  1. If it makes you feel better, we were engaged for 6 weeks before we got married and Kari and Adam were engaged for about 4 months. Thats just how us Farpella girls roll! :) We know what we want.

    LOVE YA!

  2. Megan - I love you!
    So happy for you and Bryan

    Mom xoxo


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