To Make You Feel My Love...

Here are some wedding photos! This took forever. I hope that Blogger updates their photo uploading process soon. Jeez!

I Forget...

I've done So. Much. the last few weeks that my time line is all screwy.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it before, but I was elected in July to be the Committee Chair for the Young Republicans Formal. Luckily, I was saved from doing this task alone because Andy quickly assumed the role of Co-Chair and I probably owe him my life, or first born, or something. Because there is no way I would have been able to do it without him.

On top of that, we had a GREAT bunch of people that helped us with the planning and decorations (Shout-out to Kelly Brown - who is amazing and totally should have been an honorable mention during the event, and Justin Dutra who put forth a ton of effort in selling tickets and being there through pretty much, every step of the way.)

It was especially nice because my "vision" was something that Kelly saw very clearly, and together we worked out the kinks. I explained what I was going for and she made it happen - all on a budget. It was suuuh-weet.

The event was held at Jack Stones Barn, we had a great turn out and I heard so many good things about it. I think it is definitely going to grow over the next five years to be one of the biggest Young Republican events, whether I am a part of it or not.





The tables came out perfectly. It was a great night all around and I can't WAIT for next years!!

My FAVORITE Neice... (for now, anyways)

I really don't even want to be typing this right now. I don't want to acknowledge, again, that its true.

My Emmers has turned 5 years old this year. WOW. Time has just whipped by. Crazy how it does that. Sometimes I can't believe how old I am, how old my friends are, that my sisters are married, that one of my sisters already has two kids, and another precious one of the way. Then Kari and Adam will add to their family, and Alison's kids will have cousins. COUSINS. That is just insane to me. But its also normal. I guess it'll always feel weird because I still see my sisters as they were when we were young. Heck, I still flip out when I look at the mirror. I remember wanting to be older, to be in love, to have long hair and be able to wear make-up. I wanted to be a grown up so badly. Now that I am, I'm like... Whooooa. No way, I'm still just a kid, until I look in the mirror and find that even though I look very similar to 8-year-old me, I have grown and matured. Which is the weirdest thing. Ever.

I digress. Emma wanted to get her ears pierced, badly. She was ready. Alison and Mark told her that for her birthday, if she still wanted to get it done, then that would be her present. Well, if you know anything about Emma, you know that she has a mind like her Mom. As soon as she gets something in her head, she follows through.

So, all of her aunts and her nana (Grandma was out of town that weekend) joined Alison and Emma to watch her experience the right-of-passage of getting her ears pierced at Claires in the local mall.

It was HIGHlarious. Emma was so nervous, but was acting so brave. Then, they marked her ears, and Alison checked, and double checked, and triple checked that they weren't lopsided. The two girls lined up and as soon as they did it, Emma SCREAMED and then burst into tears. She was over it pretty quickly, and she just wanted a mirror to look at her pretty new earrings.

Kari has a video of it, and once I get my hands on it I'll post for your viewing pleasure. (That's right Claires - We took video. So HA to you and your stinking rules.)

Enjoy the photos!

Haha, a classic Emma smile while for the chicks as Claires to come over.


All of us were talking to both Alie and Em to ease their nerves.


Emma hugged that bear so tight, she would have killed it if it had been real.


Getting her ears marked so that they were just right!


Alison encouraged her the entire time.

Emma's tears made her Momma cry!

Both Mom and Daughter survived the piercing!

Emma, cheesing it with her brand new accessories! :)

Many years ago...

A few weeks ago, my Mom and I went searching for the venue for the impending wedding. We went up to Orange Blossom Junction, and although it was quaint, it wasn't "right."

We got all nostalgic on the way there though, because we used to travel that way to church many years ago, when our family was still just the 5 of us. We decided to take the rest of the drive, since it had been years, so we could see what became of our little church nestled in the foothills.

This is what we saw:

This is the front of the church and the main entrance.

This is where the babies and toddlers would go to Sunday School.


Inside this door is where the elementary school children would learn about Jesus and color - cause the two things really go hand in hand at that age.


This is the side view of the main room in the little chapel, and of a bench I remember sitting on after church. It was "the spot" for me and my two friends.

It was a really crazy experience to go back after all these years. My Mom and I were kind of thrown back in time while we reminisced over the old days.

A Simple Mistake

Soo... I went to Applebees for lunch about a month and a half ago and I ordered their yummy Chicken Broccoli Alfredo Bowl (which is one of the very, very few items I like at Applebees) and couldn't finish it, as usual.

I took the rest home, so that I could take it to work. However, the bowl in which to heat it up in was forgotten. Knowing that if I microwaved Styrofoam I'd have a mess on my hands, I went with this:



Seemed like an A-OK thing to do at the time. Until I pulled this out of our dinosaur of a microwave:

. . . Oops. Luckily, no one saw my disaster, and I was able to slip it into another bowl without detection. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die 5 years early for eating melted plastic though. :)

A Lot to Catch Up On

So, planning a wedding in five weeks took up much more time than I thought, so I am radically behind on my postings.

As of right now, I've had a headache for 4 days - tomorrow will make it 5. I'm praying that when I wake up tomorrow, I won't have a headache. Saturday night it peaked to a migraine, but since then, I've been just living will this severe pain that at sometimes, I can work with... Other times, I wince from how much pain.

This has to be bad, right? I mean - A brain can only take so much.

Oh well, enjoy a few of the posts that I should have posted years ago. Hopefully this will make up for my absence.

I'm pretty sure this post is not "making good use of my time."

A conversation Bryan and I had this afternoon.

*ring*

Bryan: Hey! Working hard or hardly working!

Me: Eh... Working hard...er than earlier. (We spoke earlier in the day and I told him I was having a hard time concentrating.) What are you doing?

Bryan: I'm just leaving the store.

Me: *gasp* REALLY? Will you stop by a gas station and get me chocolate? Pleeeaaasssssee??

Bryan: Whaat? No! Chocolate is bad for you and it gives you migraines.

Me: NO it doesn't. I'm craving some! Its the whole hormones thing, babe! Please!

Bryan: No, (then he probably said something that translates to, "I'm not getting you chocolate because I don't understand what it is to be a woman and I am insensitive to the whole menstrual process." Although, I'm not sure if that is what he meant because I stopped listening after he said "No." and started thinking of a really good reason why he should get me chocolate.)

Me: Babe. I really need some chocolate! All you have to do is grab it and drop it off on your way in to town. It's not like its out of the way!

Bryan: Yes it is! I'm already on the freeway!

Me: WHAT THE HECK!? You just said you were right by the store.

Bryan: No! I was already on the freeway when I told you that. And I don't think there are any stores between here and there.

Me: UGH. Whatever. Bye.

*click*

So, thirty minutes later Bryan shows up and THIS is what he hands me:

M&Ms and a Hershey's Bar. Not bad. Except that its not good either. Its DARK chocolate. And if its DARK chocolate that means its not MILK chocolate which is what I was craving.

Conversation between Bryan and I about the "chocolate" he brought.

Me: What is this?

Bryan: Chocolate.

Me: Its DARK chocolate.

Bryan: Its better for you.

Me: Babe! I don't want better for you! I wanted a Snickers!

Bryan: Chocolate can give you migraines!

Me: Bryan. Chocolate and Dark chocolate are two different things. Chocolate is chocolate and Dark Chocolate is chocolate. I mean, ugh! Its NOT chocolate! Dark chocolate is NOT chocolate! Its different! And whenever someone says they want/need DARK chocolate they always specify. I said CHOCOLATE.

Bryan: I think its ridiculous that I had to go get you chocolate for you not to be mad at me.

Me: I wouldn't have been mad! I mean, besides the whole PMS thing. I just wanted some chocolate!!!

Bryan: You were too. You were all, whatever. Bye.

Me: Look. Thank you for bringing me chocolate. I just wanted like.. a Reese's Buttercup or something. Not this.

Bryan: Ugh.

My work phone starts ringing.

Me: Okay. Love you babe.

Bryan: Love ya. Bye.

-

After I dealt with the phone call, I posted this on Facebook.


And of course, I spelled menstrual wrong. UGH. I blame it on the LACK. OF. CHOCOLATE.

PS. I still love Bryan and he is amazingly amazing for getting me chocolate, albeit not the kind I wanted.

PPS. I don't have a specific problem with dark chocolate but when you are craving CHOCOLATE and you get DARK its very disappointing.

PPPS. Chocolate has not been linked to my migraines. I'm pretty sure my unhealthy diet has something to do with it but it is mostly because of me STRESSING about my job, unhealthy diet and love-handles. Also, stressing about getting dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate can create migraines. So I guess chocolate does affect migraines (Read: Bryan was right) .

A New Commitment

Its amazing to me how quickly life spins you into different phases of your life. Lately, I have hardly had time to stop and breathe let alone stop and think about all the things that are happening right now in my life.

I was thinking the other day of how this looks to people on the outside. When I look at it, its hard for even me to discern the catalyst of the past few weeks.

I am getting married.

I am getting married??

Crazy. Insane. Nothing I would ever have predicted a year ago, six months ago, three months ago. This past year and a half has been... indescribable. Its zoomed past me, almost totally on its own. And now, its halted, at this major event and then after? Will it be a slow and peaceful life? Will it be fast paced and full of adventure with my new husband? Will it be hard? Will it be easy? Will we make it?

Those questions have been swirling in my head and all I can come up with is YES. YES. It will be slow and peaceful at times. YES, it'll be filled with new adventures. Yes, it'll be hard at times and easy at times. Will we make it? YES.

Bryan and I have loved each other since I was 14 years old. Fourteen. Years. Old. Of that time we have spent about three years apart. Including the last year and a half. We clicked in a remarkable way when we met in Lemoore so many years ago. We have spent hours upon hours on the phone talking about life, love, family, God - and all of the other run of the mill topics. We have been linked in such a profound way that I am not really all that surprised by this.

But I know some of you are. Which I suppose is a reason for this post.

Three months ago I was dating Michael. I'm sure you remember him. I would usually refer to him as Mike B. but that was 86'd when the other Michael exited from my life (and blog!). So, Michael was amazing. He was a tad bit younger than me, but was unlike anyone I had ever met. I just reread that sentence and I have to amend - Michael IS amazing. He is going to be a catch for a really lucky girl. And I hope that she makes him so happy that he can barely stand it. He deserves it much more than he thinks he does.

Things started to fall apart between us, and in July, some really awful things were happening to me. Personally, professionally, I was taking a hit. It was one thing after another. A rough slope and my body was just bouncing on each event harder and fast than the one before. I couldn't keep up. Things between Michael and I continued to deteriorate and we both just checked out.

Fast forward to August. Bryan moved back from L.A. where he had been attending The Musicians Institute. We hung out one day - purely as friends - to catch up on each others lives. I told him about everything that was going on with me and he filled me in on everything that was going on with him. I told him about how I was involved with the Young Republicans club and how I had been elected to be Chair of the Formal Committee and how Andy saved my life by signing up to be my co-chair. He started to ask questions about my involvement and the things we did as a group. He was interested in the people I had met through the club.

I told him that I had already met so many great people and I hoped that our club would continue to grow and be active. He asked if there were any guys there that I thought were cute. Of COURSE there were guys in there that was cute. And I mentioned one in particular that I had enjoyed conversing with. Then I was quick to amend, "but he doesn't look at me that way." This spiraled a whole bunch of different conversation that on my end, isn't too important to the story.

I had enjoyed talking to Bryan, so we continued to hang out here and there as friends. One night, Bryan mentioned that our relationship had been an either - just commit to it and ride it through, or get away from it completely. Which I agreed with. Because we are So. Incredibly. Different. we are very passionate people about opposite things which in some cases, is an awesome and amazing thing. In other instances, it can be the sources of fighting over stupid things and being controlling over certain situations.

Things started to calm down (in some aspects) of my life and I was getting a handle on things. Michael and I were over completely by now which is something that is hard to adapt to. The end of any relationship fills you with this... What do I do with myself now? complex. I was already SO busy, but it was the nights that were hard...and the weekends. Michael and I hung out so much that there were blocks of time that I'd just be what now? So, luckily, I had projects to stretch out in that time and I had Denise and Anna who filled up the rest.

Then, slowly but surely, Bryan and I spent more time together. As our time together grew, our conversations with each other went to a deeper and more complex place. A while later, I realized that my feelings for Bryan had resurfaced with a vengeance. When I asked him, how did this happen?! He look at me and said, "Well, the first time we hung out made me scared that I was going to lose you forever. That you were going to meet some guy in YR that could sweep you off your feet. So I just waited. I hung out with you more and more. Then at some point I started wooing you and you let me. I couldn't believe you were letting me! And now we're here."

I didn't know he was courting me. Now that I look back, I see that he was slowly and surely moving me into that place, but at the time, I had no clue. And I was scared by my feelings. I was not ready to love Bryan again. Loving Bryan is a full-time job. I'm not trying to be mean, but it is. And I bet he'd say that loving me was a full-time job too. (Although, now I think he sees my independence - something I didn't have when we were together before.)

"...And now we're here." Where? Where EXACTLY were we? And then... In a blink of an eye, were are here. Marriage was thrown around, parents were talked to, a ring was purchased, and at my sisters house, last Friday, Bryan got down on one knee and asked the one question I always dreamed about, and the one I never thought would happen.

If I was reading this blog, I would be thinking that this blog needed to get to the good stuff. The juicy stuff. Unfortunately for anyone that might read this blog, there is no juicy part. Bryan and I have always wanted a fall wedding. Any time we EVER spoke about getting married it was always in the fall. Its our favorite season. So it was either, plan a wedding in 6 weeks or wait 12 months. Neither of us wanted to do that. Especially me. I do NOT want this long and complicated process to be drawn out. I have always wanted a small wedding, and selfishly, I knew that this would be a way to get that.

I'm not pregnant. This isn't a shotgun wedding to cover anything up. It's just a quick wedding. We've made the decision. We've committed to this. So, we've decided on October 25, 2009.

I am so happy and so blessed. :)

Righteous Anger

I read posts like this and I feel her anger. I feel like its justified. I believe that God understands anger. I believe that God understands frustration and helplessness. And I think that it's OK to be angry about your circumstances to a certain extent. Sometimes, in cases like Jonah, I feel like Patrice has a right to be angry that she won't be able to see her son play sports. Or to give him big bear hugs and have tickle fights. I know I would be.

I also see Patrice's strength in those posts. Even when she is at her weakest. I feel that she believes and trusts in God, that she knows he has a plan. I know she gets frustrated and upset, because she is human.

Well, I'm angry. I don't know if it is righteous anger. But I am so mad. And right now, I am torn two ways. One part of me wants to get up in God's face and talk to him, to yell and scream at him. And part of me wants to just give him the cold shoulder. I don't know which one I want to go with.

Lots of big things are going on right now in my life. And yes, I'll explain more later but this isn't the time. But, I am so gosh-darn frustrated that my Dad just checks out whenever he wants. I'm tired of him being an alcoholic. I'm tired of going through the push and pull that being an alcoholics daughter brings. I hate that he misses out on so much of my life. And I am so PISSED that I miss out on HIS. It's a two way street. When he drinks, neither of us gets to spend time with the other.

Then, on top of everything else, I remember all the things I am mad at. All the things I missed out on. My Dad's alcoholism got really bad when I was born. My entire life he's been a binge drinker, and it's effected my life the most. For an example, today I was talking to my boss, Kim, and a few other people at work. I mentioned that what I really wanted, above anything else for my birthday was a bike. They kind of looked at me like I was crazy. And when they asked if I had ever had a bike, I said no. I wasn't taught to ride a bike until I was in the 5th grade. Then, when I learned, I used my sisters old bikes. I never got that, OH-MY-GOSH moment. (Note: I had my sisters bikes, which I am grateful for, but it wasn't like it was cleaned up with new tires and given to me. I dragged it out of the garage, sprayed the spiders off of it, and did what I could with it. It wasn't a special event like it is to so many people.)

What a flashback that gave me. I remember my Dad had been drunk the week before his 40 or 40-something birthday. On Saturday morning, He grabbed a half-way decent bike, and took me over to Monroe school, where he taught me how to ride a bike. I had been begging for years, weeks to learn, but he was always drunk during the weekends or it was never a good time. Thinking about it makes me so angry. 5th grade. FIFTH GRADE. Every major event in my life my Dad has missed. I remember being so scared that he would drink before every band concert or Peach Blossom contest. I remember looking at the crowd to see if he would show up, and my Mom would just smile and shrug her shoulders at me.

I get SO angry thinking about it. Throw something at the wall angry. So many memories were missed out on. So many birthdays and Christmases ruined. I always felt he put the bottle before me, before my sisters, before his wife.

And although he doesn't drink as often as he used to he still does. And it makes me mad. How could he? After all these years. After all that is happened. After what it does to his body. HOW CAN HE CONTINUE TO DRINK? How can he look at me, drunk as a skunk, and straight up lie to my face. How can he live his life this way?

On Monday, my Mom and I did something very important. Very exciting and important. On the way home, a song came on my iPod. A song I have listened to many times before. It was called "Sober" and it is sung by Pink. As I was singing it, at the top of my lungs, I started thinking about them. Then I started connecting things. Then I started crying. There I was, driving home from Fresno and all I could do was cry.

I thought about how my Dad doesn't even have that. He doesn't have this constant addiction. He doesn't need alcohol every day to function. He doesn't get happier when he drinks. He feels worse. And then he comes out of it, he feels nothing. He hasn't felt the presence of God in a long time. He doesn't know who he is or what to do with his life. He's just a floater.

Do you know that its nearly impossible to rehabilitate a binge drinker? They can go years - literally - YEARS without drinking. They can play the part better than any actor or actress. They can go through rehab, AA, church programs... everything without an problem.

So today, as I finish this post and get up to go work out so I can work my anger (and fat) off, I am hopeless. I won't ever have a normal relationship with my Dad. He will always be plagued by his addiction, and I will always be waiting for him to come out from the fog.

Until then, I keep going through the roller coaster. Some days I have hope, some days I want to cut off all communication, and some days I want to cry because of all the loss and heartbreak this has caused in my life, in my families life. And I will keep trying to believe that God has a plan, and His Will will be done.



____

PS - Sober by Pink:



PPS - I love my Dad so much.

Yeah... We know.

An Open Letter: My Body

Dear Body,

You serve me well. You've always been there for me. You've stuck with me for almost 22 years. Sure, you are a little short. Granted, you have bad knees, big hips, large love-handles and are 25 pounds more chunky than you should be. Of course, I can't wear those cute little outfits they wear on TV and on the Forever 21 advertisements. Then comes the stress at work, from being uncomfortable with you around, from life in general. And, as a true, TRUE friend you shut down on me with what Doctors call a 'migraine' but I generally refer to it as 'My Bodies Betrayal."

Don't let my previous comments get you down, dear body. For I love you when I have lost all of my "water weight" and when I am swimming. I love you when I need to walk around or run errands or attend church or a birthday party. I love on you when I am cold, wrap you up in a big blanket, do what I can for you when you are in pain. I take you to the doctor when you are sick. I blow your nose and I paint your nails.

I also realize that a relationship like ours is a give and take. Probably with you doing more giving and me doing more taking. But if I didn't feed you, you would be unable to give... So it's really a wash.

So, why? WHY are you doing this to me? Why must you be in such pain when I have so much to do today? Why is it that One. Day. After. I sign up for the gym you decide to go all "time of the month" on me? And fine, if you have to, you have to. I understand. I get it. But, WHY do you HAVE to crave chocolate so BADLY? Why did I have to purchase that brownie from Panera Bread today? WHY did you make me walk into my Superintendent's office to get a Snickers out of his candy jar? I don't understand.

You are already keeping me from the gym. Do you HAVE to make me eat horrible things as well?

I'm hurt. And I'm angry. I know I'll get over it. I know you'll get over it. But I still am hurt. And I fully expect you to work really hard at the gym with me. Because we'll only be able to do this if we work together.

Until then, I'll try to be patient. And don't rush me. Right after I post this, I WILL go and get a Twix from the candy jar. Because I love you.

Megan

Insomniac Sayings

I can't sleep. I've been up for the past hour or so just thinking and creating really awesome ringtones. So many in fact that now I have absolutely no idea which song I am going to chose to be the main ringtone. Now I have So Many Choices that I honestly can't pick one. I'm going to have a different ringtone for every hour in the day. Which would actually be kind of cool.

Moving on... I think I blame Anna. If I wasn't such a NICE person I would totally call her right now. She told me she's been having a hard time sleeping and she gave it to me. I can't sleep. My mind is going four thousand miles a minutes and it really isn't working out for me.

Unfortunately, none of what is passing through the brain tubes are things that I can blog about.

One thing though, I found out today that one of my Dad's friends and sponsors passed away. He was older and he died of cancer. Please pray for my Dad and the loved ones of this man. I'm sure they all need comfort.

A Functional Desk

Something that has happened at work recently, that may not seem like a big deal to you but is to me, is that I talked my boss into letting me extend my desk. The only thing I could come up with were to install shelves, but my boss is amazing and had a better plan. I forgot to take a before picture but I manage to take some after pictures.

I used to have to four drawer file cabinets on the left side of my desk. To extend my desk and give me more space, I replaced one of the four drawers for a two drawer, and it has worked out perfectly.



Here is a better view. The cabinet is almost flush with the desk, so it works out nicely.

Here is a picture of my desk all neat and organized... Using the extra space that I have. It was been WONDERFUL. Oh, are you wondering who the Really Hot Guy is on my computer screen? Let me zoom for you:


This, is Robert Pattinson, in all his yummy, squinty eyed glory. *sigh* Its a nice little pick me up during the day. :)

Fun Times at the Zoo

I would like to start off this blog by saying that July was one of the WORST months for me. It is a true saying when people reference, "when it rains, it pours." I can't believe the goings on of this past month and I am also saddened by the fact that July seems to be seeping into August.

The past month at work has been really difficult. Unfortunately, I can't go into much detail because things aren't resolved and maybe won't ever be. But if you could take a moment to pray for me and the people at work involved with the situation, I would greatly appreciate it.

Anywho, every summer I take a few days off to have a 'vacation' and this year I decided to escape to my sister house. Alison and Mark welcomed me in to their home for 4 whole days and I love spending time with them.

While we hung out and went to Coronado beach which is my FAVORITE beach, the biggest adventure that we had was going to the San Diego Zoo, a place that I had not been for quite some time. Actually, it had been over ten years ago that my Mom and Dad trekked our whole family to visit my Dad's cousin Dorothy who lives in San Diego.

The reason why I wanted to go so badly was because they just opened up the Elephant Odyssey and if you know anything about me you KNOW that I love elephants. Like... some people collect china plates with cat's on them. Some people collect beanie babies... I collect elephants. That's what I do.

Before I get to the pictures that I know you so desperately want to see, I needed to tell you a story and I wish above all other wishes (at the moment) that I had taken pictures. After we left the Elephant Odyssey portion of the zoo we went to see the lions (which is one of Alisons' favorite parts) as we were standing there, looking at the regal animals, Alison points out a sign. The sign warns that we are in a danger zone of BEING SPRAYED and we should keep back 9 feet. Seriously? How many people were at the zoo staring at the awesome power of the lions and then the lion lifted its leg and SPRAYED all over them?

That would be a good story though... to an extent. Maybe not for the person that was sprayed but for the person that is hearing the spraying story. Like... If Denise came to me and told me that she visited the zoo and was sprayed by the lions I would DIE laughing. Literally. And when I got to the pearly gates and Jesus came to see me, I would STILL be laughing. And because God created laughter and humor I think he would laugh a little too. But that's just me.

On to the pictures:

(Alison and I waiting in line so that she could purchase her season pass... I say to this picture, "Hello, Megans' Squished Nose.")

(The cutest Koala... possibly ever.)

(A leopard that was being walked around the park.)

(Me... standing in front of the elephants butts. :) )

(I could hardly contain my excitement.. They are so massive and awesome!)

( The only way this picture would be better is if the elephant was REAL!)

(Oh wait... I guess there is another way for the picture to be better, add Alison and viola!)

(My loves! They were so good all day... Emma loves the zoo! )

An Open Letter: Pandora.com

Dear Pandora.com,

Thank you for being awesome.

I really appreciate you playing all of the best Christian Music on my Phil Wickham station. Work has been super stressful and listening to this music has helped me to stay positive.

Although I am not happy with your 40 hours-per-month limitation on listening to your awesomeness, I am willing to forgive you. I may also be willing to work your $36 per year plan into my budget after I pay off my Dell credit card.

Well, I just wanted to write and say, keep up the good work.

(Oh, and if you ever stop working like you did the other day, my next open letter will NOT be so loving. K, pumpkin?)

Much love,

Megan

Quick Snippet

**UPDATE** Ksks.com's website is back up. The music is streaming. People, you can stop fearing for your lives. I am calm now. Okay. Back to work. :)


OKAY.

I have had it!

First, Pandora tells me I only get 40 hours a month, which now is already used.

Second, I found the AWESOMENESS that is Kiss Country streamed online. (Which abated my anger at Pandora)

NOW KISS COUNTRY'S WEBSITE IS DOWN.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

Why can't I just listen to music as I work? I focus better. It helps me think. Why am I being punished by silence?

It's not fair.

And yes... This is my pity party and I'll cry if I want to.

Confusing Directions

This might seem random, but I find that I am a tad more honest and open when I blog at night. Is that weird? I mean... I generally think of myself as a very honest and straight forward person. But even I have my moments when I am guarded... although I try not to be on here.

Last Tuesday night, Ryan, Denise, Andy, Anna, Anna's sister Sarah, their friend Erin and myself went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

I liked it a lot, obviously. But I felt that the book had a great line up for a screenplay. As much as I understand that the book will always have more details, I feel that the lines of the movie should parallel to the book. I think that the Half-Blood Prince was one such book that could have been translated into the theater without risking too much of the meat.

I was pretty disappointed. There were little things that were changed for seemingly no reason at all. Anna also made a great point: The movie focused so much on the relationships of the characters. But not on the most important one - the love story between Harry and Jenny. This story was all about building our knowledge of Voldemort. And yet we didn't learn very much about him. We didn't learn about Merope or what happened to Voldemorts father. We don't see what happens to Voldemorts grandfather. The whole thing really saddened me. The entire premise of the Half Blood Prince is to learn how to defeat the Dark Lord - and yet we hardly learned anything at all.

Anywho, I am still happy with the books and still an avid fan. Hopefully the next two movies will be worth the craziness in this one.

Early Wednesday morning I got up and loaded the Vdub. I made great time to Alisons' house where I am spending my vacation.

It has been so nice playing with Emma and Brody. They are so cute. Impossibly so. Last night, Alison and Mark went out on a date and Emma and I had a date of our own. We had dessert which consisted of a freshly cut pineapple that was delicious. We played Crainium's Hullabaloo and we watched Pinocchio... Which I haven't seen in years.

Okay... so maybe I am extremely lame for not knowing this, but does anyone else realize the similarities between Pinocchio's Hi-Diddelee-Dee (An Actors Life For Me), Snow White's Yo Ho, Yo Ho, It's off to Work We Go and Pirates of the Caribbeans A Pirates Life For Me?

I just put that together. Here are the links:

Pinocchio
Pirates of The Caribbean
Snow White

Moving on from that distraction...

I've been stressed lately. All this life stuff. When did things get so complicated? It feels like my life as 360ed in the past few weeks. The beginning of July set off a course of events and now I'm left with the remnants and I have no clue what to do with them. It's like I am trying to deal with it but I really don't know where to begin the process.

So, I do what I can.. I pray. Last night after the kids went to bed and I went out on the balcony and watched the cars pass. I had a long talk with God. I went through all the emotions... sadness, anger, confusion and then by the end of course, I apologized. I forgot that He has a plan. And right now His plan is changing MY plan and it completely frustrated me. Even though I shouldn't I felt like he was scolding me.

"Do you think you know more than I? Do you think you can plan your life better than I can?"

And of course, I know that I cannot. How could I? Against the one who knows every hair on my head... every desire of my heart.

Again, I am in the position of letting him take the reins. Which is hard for me to do. I feel like my heart is changing and I'm kind of scared what that brings. I've always known that I wanted to be a wife. I've always known that I wanted to be a mother and maybe even a stay at home mother. I mourned for a while when I learned that none of those things may be in the cards for me. I might not ever get married or find 'the one'. I might never get to experience motherhood.. and that saddens me to the highest degree.

Such is life. I just have to learn that things will come when they are meant to. And not when I desire them to be so. I have to keep my head straight and do what I can.

Hmm... off subject... the window is open in Alison's living room and the neighbors are smoking and its wafting in here. SERIOUSLY? Does this follow me every where I go?

The neighbors to the left of us at home smoke on their back porch... our swamp cooler sucks it in and blows it right into our living room. Geez.

Moving on. Tomorrow, I make the trek back to Hanford. I'm excited to go home and see my bestie and my babies, Duey and Danny. I guess I should be going off to bed to get some rest.

Until the next time....

Good Times at the KC Fair

It has been too long. I know, I know. I am slacking like crazy. Alas, my life is busy, and when life gets busy blogging is placed on the back-burner. But, what is nice is that I actually have things to write about!

The past two weeks have been Really. Freaking. Crazy. There has been a bunch of stuff going on at work, PLUS getting ready for the new year.. PLUS closing out the old year... PLUS trying to get completely organized so that this year is nothing like last year.

I have also been trying to get the house situated because the owners are coming to visit and I really want them to SEE how much I love their house. Which proves to be difficult when
A.) I am poor.
B.) My roommate is poor.
C.) We both stink at gardening/physical labor for various reasons.

But, we've gotten some things done and we need to do more but all the super hard work is pretty much done.

Luckily, my friend Ryan who came to visit from Kansas, helped us out A LOT with the gardening. (He even cleaned our kitchen.) It was really awesome and helpful considering the fact that I've been so stressed trying to coordinate everything by myself.

Don't worry, I didn't JUST put my friend since 4th grade to work. We had a lot of long conversations about life and about our goals. We caught up as much as week could in the time that we hung out.

This past weekend was the Kings County Fair and Anna, Denise and I carpooled over to it. Here is a SUPER CUTE picture of us waiting in line... (which Anna was TOTALLY not happy about.)


Finally, we made it into the Fair! In true Hanford Fashion, when we walked in, there was an amateur rapping duo that was laying down the.. whatever it is they lay down. I really wish now I had snapped a picture because I think that it was hilarious.

So, we walk the strip and go down to animals. There was nothing too spectacular but Denise held a bunny... which was really nice until it spooked and tried to end it all by jumping like 4 feet away from her and back into the little petting area.

We met up with Ryan and got our over 21 wristbands and decided to go to the Josh Gracin concert which was good but not great.


We stood close to the stage and sang to the songs we knew... but what we were really interested is was the cute guitarist/singer/pianist/violinist. He was soooo cute. Every time he would pick up the violin my heart would melt a little inside. To our dismay, he doesn't photograph all that well, but we tried anyways:


And Anna was definitely enjoying the eye candy:

And in the background Ryan is trying to mess with her ear because that is what he does.

Now... I'd like to take a moment to reflect on our Favorite Fair Moment.

There we were... just minding out own business, when All Of A Sudden a man walked up with his lady. This wasn't just any man. This man had style, this man had class. This man was and is really everything that a woman could desire:

When this guy walked up, He was wearing the boots, wranglers, and a tucked in wife-beater shirt. Which was funny in and of itself... but then, he slipped on his light brown leather vest and he went from funny to DOWNRIGHT AWESOME. In fact, he was so awesome that Denise wanted to take a picture with him:

I wish, beyond wishes, that Anna's hand was just a TAD higher so that it would be right under his butt... Just because it would be hilarious.

After the concert, Denise and I took pictures with the Really Hot Guy.



We took some other pictures but I'll post those in a supplemental blog, since this one is already crazy long.

Oh, by the way. I had one and a half beers and a corn dog which was the Worst Idea Ever and I got totally sick.

But other than that it was a great fair and I can't wait for the next one!

I have tons more to update you with so make sure to check back!