Reflection

Four years ago, I was seventeen years old; I was about to graduate high school. I remember that it was a warm day, but I was cuddled on the couch with my first love, Bryan. I have absolutely no recollection of what we were watching, because (usually) I have a really bad memory. But I remember this day because this was an important moment in my life. Around this day, the twenty-second of May, I asked Bryan to be my boyfriend. I told him that I was ready to give our relationship another shot. I wanted one more chance to give the relationship all that I had to give and to see where it went. Bryan accepted. He wanted another shot at us, too.

Roughly a month later, I was having a really hard time with life. I was living solely with my Dad, who was having major issues at the time. I didn't have a license, I was working full time at Mervyns to make ends meet, I had no relationship with my Mom. One sister was on the east coast, one sister was in southern California and my best friend had moved to Fresno. Oh, and my boyfriend lived three hours away. Most importantly, I had almost no relationship with God.

I was totally and completely alone. When I was younger, I had an ongoing fight with depression. Sometimes it consumed me. After graduation, I had no one, no hope and no faith. I was just a being. I fought hard to keep my head above water.

During this time, instead of going out and partying with the people that stayed in Hanford, I stayed home. I awoke every day that summer at 11:30. I had three Oreos and a glass of milk that I ate while watching the first 15 minutes of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' in whatever room that had a TV that my Dad was not passed out in. I took 15 minutes to shower, watched All My Children for an hour as I did my make-up and got dressed. At one, I did my hair. At one-fifteen, I would try to wake my Dad up. On the days that I succeeded, I drove him and myself to Mervyn's and told him to pick me up at eleven that night. If he didn't wake up, I took the truck and drove myself.

I would work from 2:00 to 11:00 every day. On the nights that I drove, I would cautiously drive myself home. On the nights that I told my dad to pick me up, 25% of the time he wouldn't show. One time, I walked home. Other times, I got a ride from a friend that would mercifully climb out of bed to come get me. Sometimes, I would get a ride from a friend at work. Once, I called my Mom. She dropped me off in tears. When he would be there, he would have already climbed out of the drivers’ seat into the passenger side; because he knew that I would not let him drive me.

I would go home, log on to the computer, surf the internet, listen to music and would be asleep by 2:00 every morning.

Amazing. To even type this. To even have lived that life. Fast forward four years and I am sitting in the cutest house ever, with my cat, Danny, curled up on my right side. I am sitting on my bed with a brand-new laptop that I am working as many hours as I can to pay off. I look up and I see my tiny flat screen TV that I bought with Christmas money. I see all the clothes that I have paid for. The furniture I have acquired. I know that outside the wall that I'm leaning against, my car, that I pay for every single month is sitting there, shining in the sun. I can bask in the fact that I don't have to return to my awesome accounting job for three days because of the Holiday on Monday. I know that I can walk into my backyard, play with my dog, and soak up the sun. I know that in 18 minutes, my best friend is going to be off work and on her way home so that we can hang out.

Not everything that I have done over the past four years has worked out. But just taking the time to remember what I've gone through, where I was, who I was and to appreciate where I am, who I have, what I have and who I am is like breathing fresh air. It’s like stepping out of your car after a long drive in the mountains and smelling the pine trees. Hearing the kids splashing in the lake. It’s like being transported into one of your favorite memories.

The past year of my life has passed so quickly, with so many changes. And now that it's starting to slow, God is pulling my heart to look back, to reflect, to remember. Even though some of it hurts, He is showing me that He delivered me. He answered all the prayers that I prayed. Maybe not in the way that I wanted or when I wanted but in the way that I needed and on His precious time.

God has created such a beautiful moment for me today.

I was dreading today. I was dreading it because both Bryan and I, a few months after we renewed our relationship, could NOT remember what day we did it on. So four years ago, I picked May 22. I picked the 22nd because 22 has always been my favorite number. And here it is. The 22 is today. Like I said, I was dreading it. I didn't want to remember all the 'good times' with Bryan. I didn't want to wonder what it would be like if we were still together today. I've prayed and asked God all week to be with me. To help it be a nice day to remember, not one that throws me off. I prayed and again, He was most faithful. He used today to remind me of His unending love. He reminded me that four years ago, I didn't have God in my life but I do now. He showed me the difference of living in this world without Him and living in this world in Him.

It is inspiring. His grace and His mercy astound me. Four years ago I was angry with God. Angry enough to turn away from him. Angry enough to scream and cry and doubt him. I was angry that my life had been such a train wreck. Everyone would say, "God knows the deepest desires of your heart and He is faithful." Then at the time, He knew that my deepest desire was to have my family back. To rewind and have a happy childhood filled with awesome memories and regular family problems. He knew how pained I was that I had missed out on my Mom and Dads best days, because once I arrived there were hardly any. He knew how I coveted my sisters’ memories of my Mom and Dad, happy and in love. I rarely got to see that. Both He and I remember how I would curse his name, how much I sinned, and still sin. And yet he cradles me and loves me like no one this earth ever can. He blesses me each and every day even though I don't deserve it.

What an awesome God.

Happy Birthday!

It's really nice to have a low key week this week since last week was pretty busy. And the weekend was busy too.

Alison and family came to visit, which is always bittersweet. It's sweet while they are here, bitter when they leave. I wish they just lived here already so that we could hang out whenever we wanted. I'm keeping it in my prayers, but ultimately I want God's will to be done in their lives. If the best place for them to be is Chula Vista/San Diego then that is where they should be.

Anyway, we celebrated Brody's first birthday on May 2, which was really fun. Then my entire family (Dad and Delia, Mom and Larry) all managed to sit in the same church (IN THE SAME ROW) without too difficulty. It's always kind of awkward. I pray that that phase will end by the time I'm ready to be married, because right now, I'm leaning towards running away and eloping rather than having some weird awkward ceremony...Yuck.

Anyways, today isn't going to be a very long post, but I wanted to update you on a few things.

My boss is on vacation - pray for me. Every time she leaves people go crazy.
I've started writing a book...and so far I'm really happy with it. I blame Ryan....more on that later though.

I finally bought a memory card for my phone so I wanted to post a few pictures that I have been meaning to post for like... ever. So enjoy!

Today is Danny Boy's 4th Birthday... I couldn't resist posting a picture of him. :)

This is one of my favorite pictures of Brody that I had on my old Samsung phone.. Look at those eyes and that tongue! Sooo adorable.

Duey in a swing at a newer park in town... he was freakin out!

Sandi in a swing... Just chillin.

My Mom and I eating filhose (sp./ Portuguese Doughnuts) on fat Tuesday... we sent this picture to make Alison jealous. :)

My friend Scott wearing a bag on his head. We worked at Blue Sky Aviation together and sometimes he'd entertain me. He does things like that. (Obviously, this is an oldie, but goody. Scott lives in Texas and works in Louisiana now and I miss his dorky self. hehe)

Overcome...

Its poor form to post a blog like I did and not follow up within a few days but I've been busy. Frankly, I just haven't had much heart to post anything about my personal life.

I have slept! Thank God, because I am so grumpy when I don't sleep. I left work early on Friday because I kept nodding off. Denise was getting her car worked on and I had to drive her back to her work, but right after that I went home and got in bed. I couldn't fall asleep. As soon as I did, my sister, Kari, called. It would be my luck, but she wanted to offer me some bath time in her awesome huge tub and I was appreciative of the gesture. I tried falling back asleep after that and couldn't. I finally got myself up and went to pick Denise up from work and take her back to the shop to get her car.

I've been asked why I haven't been able to sleep and I have no clue. I don't know if it was an overactive mind, or that fact that I got in a fight with a friend that I care very much about (over something very minimal but hormones played into it) and I hate to think that is what made me sleepless because that means I care way, way more than I previously thought I did... which is a good and bad thing.

Luckily, I kept myself very, very busy for the rest of the day on Friday and ended up sleeping solidly from 11:30pm to 10:30am. Yay! Grumpy Megan was out and Happy Megan was in!

I had a pretty chill weekend, hanging out with friends and what not. Church was very good and one of the ladies that helps with the Children's Ministry asked if I could be an adult supervisor for the next three weeks in the classroom, so I agreed. I have that to look forward to this weekend!

Unluckily, my car has been acting up and I'm not happy about it one bit. I'm trying to keep my patience with Skeeter but I found myself yelling at her a couple of times. (Her name is Margaret, but her nickname is Skeeter and she is a VW New Beetle.)

Now, back to comment about the lack of blogging about my personal life.

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be an outlet for me. I'm shy... and if you know me, like really know me, you are probably thinking, there is NO way she is shy. For those of you are thinking this I must remind you that yes, in fact I am shy, just not around you! :)

For those of you that don't know me and have met me in person, please don't take my awkwardness and silence as "I'm too good to talk with you." It's more of "I'm super shy and am scared to let you know my goofiness cause you might just think I'm a crazy person."

Everyone has their fears and mine is rejection. (I can't believe I wrote that.) So, I keep people at bay until I can trust that they won't run for the hills when they see that I am human, that parts of me are weak and parts are strong...and parts are downright nerdy. Some mistake this as me being stuck up, but I assure you that I am not. I like people. I like talking to people. I like meeting new people.. I just have a hard time with making the first move.

Anyway, in my last relationship I opened up quite a bit and I blogged about my feelings, thoughts, and fears. I tried to be as open and honest as I could and it kinda sorta blew up in my face.

Needless to say, I've been scared to write about my relationships with other people (male or female) because I don't want the same thing to happen.

Then, a bunch of people start commenting about how honest I am in my blog and they love it... What topped it off was that I logged in to Facebook and had a message from someone I was never close with in high school who said things that seriously made me tear up. Her support about my honestly really helped me to WANT to blog again and to be open in my blog.

After praying about it another day, I really feel like this blog is important for me in this time of my life. I feel called to write about my life and if it helps just ONE person to understand they are not alone, it is worth it.

The floodgates have been opened and I am BACK!

I hope that you will stay with me as I try to wade through the waters that is my life.

A Small Update

This week has been relatively good until a few nights ago. At this point, in the past 48 hours I have slept 6 hours. I have a terrible headache and I'm praying that it doesn't progress into a migraine.

I would appreciate any prayers you send my way. I'll be blogging lots more this weekend.

Thank the Lord that today is oatmeal day at school, its so comforting to me.

As I Wait...

for Denise to get home from work so that we can go swimming/tanning at my Mom's house, I think about my life.

So quickly things have started moving so fast. It's been a pretty wild ride lately. But, for the first time in a LONG time, I actually feel as though I am moving in the right direction. I know the path that is set before me will change with decisions I make, but I am counting on the Lord to see me through and relying on Him to counsel me on those forks in the road.

I have a couple of projects that I am wanting to start and I am hoping that they work out. I've been trying to get in touch with a few people about them. I just have to be patient, which isn't exactly a strong suit. Well, not all the time. In most situations I am uber patient. Others, not so much... which is typical among women.

If you don't mind, I ask that you keep me in your prayers as I do some transitioning and start these new projects.. I would very much appreciate it.

Also, if there is anything in your life you need prayer for, please email me at MLFarpella@GMail.com or post a comment. Or if you'd like to grab coffee to talk, let me know. I'd like a distraction from my "issues." :)

In His Grace,

Megan

American Idol: Adam Lambert

For those of you that enjoy Adam Lambert, I'd like you to see how he spends some of his free time.A PERFECT choice for American Idol!

Miss USA 2009

The Miss USA pageant aired last night and although I didn't watch it, I did hear about the Miss California controversy.

Here is a YouTube video of Perez Hilton's question and her answer.

A more appropriate answer for this question probably would have been, "Perez, this is a very controversial topic in today's society. I think the best thing about America is that each state has the right to chose what laws they have about same-sex marriages. I believe that we need to be tolerant of the states that pass same-sex marriage and we also need to respect the states that haven't voted it in."

Don't get me wrong, I am very proud that this young woman stated her feelings against gay marriage, but I think that as Miss USA, she needs to be a figure of unity.

Now, the reason I bring this up at all is that the media, Perez Hilton and every gay person out there is attacking Carrie Prejean (Miss California) for her belief system.

This is unwarranted and unjust. We say that we respect all opinions, yet when voiced they are attacked.

In recent elections, the majority California voters passed Proposition 8 which Eliminates the Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry. Somehow, this vote has been appealed and is now going through the court system. What I can't believe is that 7,001,084 of the most liberal state there is voted YES on Prop 8 and it is still being challenged as though all of the US citizens that voted yes are somehow incompetent at voting.

I'm getting discouraged with the fact that most people that are against same sex marriage are not against homosexuals and they are not homophobes. Each state has the right to vote in favor or against legalizing same sex marriage. If its for, then fine. If it's against, then fine. Majority rules in this Country...

Well, except in picking the President.