Oregon Vacation (Part 1)

The day after we hosted our gender reveal, we left on a road trip to Oregon. Bryan had a couple of gigs booked and we had some friends we wanted to see on the way up, so off we went!

We ended up asking Bryan's sister Mackenzie to come with us to provide extra help with Shepherd on the road and to maybe even let us sneak in a date night. It was great to spend the time together. She's a junior this year and this was probably our last chance to spend such a chunk of time with her! 

There was lots of driving and downtime, but I definitely wanted to hit up a couple of tourist spots. One place we went while we had a full day in Brookings was Natural Bridges.

We didn't hike down because we had Shepherd and it wasn't suitable for him. It was still a beautiful view and right after, we went to the river! It was crazy that Brookings has mountains all around it, but the beach right across the street. One moment we are at the ocean, the next in town, the next in the mountains with waterfalls all over. Bryan, Mackenzie and Shepherd had a great time hanging out in the river and since it was hot, it felt amazing!

After the river we went took a quick stop at a waterfall, where Mackenzie hiked a little. 

After a full day of sightseeing and spending time with friends we ended the night at a beautiful, warm beach that was in a cove, so it was protected from the cold wind. 

It was wonderful first leg of the trip. A large part of our vacation was being on the road, but we made sure to get lots of rest and even explored Portland, which was wonderful. 

Our Second Baby is a....

GIRL! 

Don't let the blue topper fool you! The inside was PINK!

Can you believe it? I still can't!

The whole story of finding out the gender was a tad dramatic.

On Thursday night, I confirmed how many cupcakes I needed with the baker and the various details of the transaction. We were set!

First thing Friday morning, she text me that she had a family emergency and wouldn't be able to bake them for me. I completely understood but at the same time I was panicked! I was supposed to host 30+ people at my house the following morning and who could I possibly get to bake an order on such late notice?

She ended up connecting me with her aunt, who lives in Tulare and is actually my uncles (on my moms side) sister! We made plans to meet up after my appointment in Visalia (pretty much halfway for both of us) and it was done! Whew. Crisis averted.

I work a normal day and at the right time I started drinking LOTS of water. If you've been pregnant and had an ultrasound you know how incredibly uncomfortable it is! There was already a lot of stress on the appointment because Bryan had a gig just past Fresno and he'd have to leave early. I got to Hanford Imaging and they told me there would be a delay which meant Bryan was going to miss the entire appointment.

When that came to light, I was really upset. I couldn't believe that he would have to leave the appointment early let alone miss it entirely. He sat with me in the waiting room and I asked my sisters to come be with me. I was feeling fairly emotional about it all but was handling it fine. I went to grab my phone out of my purse (and I still had the large bottle of water that was almost finished) when I almost dropped the phone AND the water! I ended up doing this weird seizure-like move to catch them both but not before water from the open bottle splashed all over Bryan completely soaking his white shirt and leaving a large wet spot on his jeans.

That was the moment that I started to do the hysterical embarrassed laugh/cry thing in the completely packed waiting room. Maybe you aren't familiar with it but unfortunately, I am.

Sigh.

By the time my sisters arrive, I've pulled myself together and Bryan is ready to leave. He was already ten minutes past the time he was supposed to leave but he just knew that as soon as he walked out the door, they would call my name. Sure enough, it happened.

You'd think that the appointment/day couldn't get any worse but you'd be wrong!

I get in the room and the technician apologizes for the wait and I played it off but said I was bummed that the delay made my husband miss the appointment. My sisters say they are going to take pictures and a little video to show him and the tech says she can't allow that due to HIPPA. This I'll never understand because I am the one consenting to the photo and video being done so I can show my husband. How is that a violation if I've allowed it. Ugh! I gave my sisters a look and they nodded, totally prepared to take pictures for me. Yay for sisters!!

We start and I get to see the baby, but I'm so upset by the whole ordeal that its hard to get into the appointment. Also, she doesn't move the screen so that I can even see anything which was frustrating Then she tells me that I won't get any print-outs of the baby because THEY ARE OUT OF FILM.

Uhhhhhhh.....what? I can't tell you what cuss words were flowing through my head but I can tell you there were many and they were colorful. Unless there is a reason, this is my ONE AND ONLY ultrasound and I have nothing except unlawful photos to show for it. Nice.

Then she says I am measuring smaller than my due date and she doesn't think she'll be able to tell the gender. I track everything regarding my period and our sexy time (Hi Mom!) and I was like, but the dates don't match up. She said I was measuring a little over 16 weeks and the first day of my last period had me at over 18 weeks. According to my memory (and app) there is no way I could be that far behind because there wasn't a tell-tale dot on the calendar indicating.....ya know.

AT MOST, I could only be a week behind. I explained that Shepherd always measured small and even if I had had him at term, he would have been a small baby. Bryan and I are small in the stature sense so I think it's all relative.

Anyways, I told her I hoped that it worked out because I was supposed to host a bunch of family the next day and she said she would definitely do her best. You could tell that she was flustered too so my sisters and I started trying to lighten the mood and laughing a bit, which worked wonders. She ended up letting us take a few clearer pictures that the sneaked ones to show Bryan. And obviously, she was able to see the gender. She stated (probably to cover herself) that she could see the gender but that "it seemed early, and its never 100%" so that didn't really help my confidence, but she confirmed with a tech-in-training who was there and they felt confident enough to write it down.

We end up leaving and I pick up Shepherd and my mom and we drive to Visalia to drop off the envelope. My Mom and Larry ended up being the stars of the show because they drove early the next morning to pick up the cupcakes, brought over their coffee pot and creamers and coffee and basically saved my life. My mom even ended up staying with me Friday night to help me clean up and set up for the next morning. Big, huge, wet kiss shout out to them for all their help.

Friday came to an end (good riddance) and the next morning, surrounded by our family and friends, we found out that we are having a precious girl... probably. ;)

It all worked out in the end, as things usually do. I am still in shock that the little girl I have dreamed of, my little Lauriana, could really be coming into the world! It's unreal! I am so excited and other than extreme exhaustion, have felt really good. My hair is falling out like crazy and I'm dealing with acne for the first time ever, but all things considered, I'm doing very well and the baby is healthy!

That is all that truly matters.

We'll Be Seeing You...

Dear Second Baby,

I haven't seen you yet. Your momma likes to limit ultrasounds to just what is needed, so I didn't get to see you as a tiny little bean around eight weeks like most pregnant women. It's torturous, not having a picture of you and tangible proof that you are there. Sure, I feel you kicking and rolling around in your temporary home. And of course, the breakouts and nausea remind me that you are there, but a picture makes it so real. So do the kicks. Feel free to kick it up anytime you want. I won't complain! You can even kick my bladder. I love the reminders and so does your dad! He didn't get to feel Shepherd that much, because he was a bit terrified by it all. But this time around, he gets it. He even told me the other day that when I was asleep, he put his hand on my belly and thought he felt you! I was about 16 weeks, so that would be way earlier than with your brother, if it's true!

We are so excited for this afternoon. I am beside myself anxious/giddy to see your little black and gray face. I'll be a few days shy of 19 weeks, but I couldn't wait until after our trip to see you! I haven't been able to sleep, knowing that it's so soon! They'll check to make sure you are developing just fine and they'll see if you are a sweet little boy or a precious little girl, but we won't know until Saturday.

Your aunts and Grandma are making us do a gender reveal and it's been trying my patience. I just want to know what you are! I want to be able to say "she's kicking the heck out of me!" or "he's pressing on my bladder and I need to pee ALL THE TIME!" Mostly, I want to give you a name (if your dad and I can ever agree on one.) and to tell your big brother that he is going to have either a little brother or sister around Christmas time. Instead of asking Shep, "Where is our baby?" and have him point to my belly, I'll get to ask "Where is your sister?" or "Where is your brother?".

But...I'll work through my impatience. I'll wait an extra seventeen hours so that we can all find out together. It will be special and will give you your own moment, just like your brother had his. This time, it's just going to be our immediate family - your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. It'll be more intimate this way and less stressful on me. We are leaving to Oregon the next day so there is enough stress to go around!

I hope you know that I'm doing everything I can to give you the very best start on the day you decide to come (preferably near your due date or later - NOT earlier! Listen to your mother.) I'm making big changes so we can have a natural, easy birth. I want nothing more than for you to come into the world in a safe and welcoming environment. I'm praying and working towards a different start for us, baby, but no matter what, we are in it together. Pre-eclampsia or not, we'll make it work. It'll be worth it all to hold you and love on you.

Your dad and I will do anything we need to do for you to be happy, healthy and to thrive.

You are loved, our precious second! See you soon.

xoxo,

Momma

Whole Health

I'm doing everything I can to get my nutritional needs and overall health in check in preparation for our second baby. Pre-eclampsia has a whole lot to do with malnutrition and stress, so those are two of the areas that I can focus on and see change in. I knew that I needed help though, so after speaking with my midwife, we decided that I would go see a new doctor that was a proponent of holistic healing and health through nutrition. He ordered a bunch of labs last week and I finally got blood drawn on Monday.

Why does this make me feel old? 

He put me on new prenatal vitamins and a fish oil supplement. He did some reflex testing and my liver didn't perform well so he suggested a supplement to help my liver function. (If you are looking for a fish oil supplement, I've been really pleased with this one. I haven't had any fishy burps which is a WIN in my book!) About a week and a half in I broke down and bought a pill box. I had to. I was carrying around three bottles in my purse and it was killing my back! I just got it Monday at CVS. It was less than $6 and it has a safety feature in case my boy gets a hold of it. I filled each day with an entire days rations of vitamins and I've been doing really well with remembering to take them! 

The new doc is a proponent of ZERO fast food from low-end places like Taco Bell, McDonalds, etc. More home-cooking with natural, non-GMO veggies and fruits. When he asked me what I usually eat, I said I typically have a small bowl of cereal in the morning and he said he'd rather I not start my day out with cereal, but maybe steak and eggs instead. (!!!) Aside from cowboys, who eats steak and eggs for breakfast?! Do cowboys even eat steak and eggs for breakfast? It sounded right in my head. Anyways, That is going to be tough. Every meal I should have one protein, two veggies and one fruit. Last week we didn't eat townfood once until we were out of town and even then, we made good choices. Monday for lunch I ended up having In-N-Out, but I would say their burgers are on the higher end of "fast food". Not healthy by any means, but better than a Big Mac... you get what I'm layin down?

Random Picture: Bryan fell asleep with his phone up like he was reading it. I was on my phone watching makeup tutorials and he started snoring. He's even in 'phone mode' when he sleeps!

Also, he wants me to incorporate less "new" wheat into my diet and more "old" wheat, which I can find on Amazon. "Old" wheat is the wheat of our ancestors, from 5000+ years ago. Anything within the past 5000 years is considered "new" and our bodies don't tolerate it as well. Of course, this means that "old" wheat is more expensive. It's so hard to eat naturally when you are poor. Seriously. I'm building a wishlist on Amazon so I can easily keep track of what I buy and if I like it so I don't waste money. 

I told him I was ready for a change and that I'll do what needs to be done for me and the baby. He asked me what my overall goal was and I didn't even hesitate when I said I wanted balance in my health and in my life. While I definitely don't want pre-eclampsia or a cesarean again, I also want to be healthy long term. I'm not just trying to skate away from pre-eclampsia, my goal is much bigger than that. I want to feel better, physically, spiritually, mentally. 

Getting to the doctor and getting some professional help as to how to tackle my physical health has been really freeing. It's hard to overhaul your life all by yourself and finding a doctor that doesn't want to just stuff pharmaceutical drugs down your throat was a game changer for me. It was honestly the most important step I had to take for this pregnancy, for this baby and myself.

I've also been getting incorporating other changes in my lifestyle to help with the stress. Once I figure out what works and what doesn't I'll be writing about those! I'm still in the trial phase so I'll keep you updated on how it goes! 

A Weekend at the Coast

This post is late because we were at the coast this weekend! Bryan had a gig in Cayucos and SLO, so we didn't get back until late last night. I was just way too burned down to sit and recap the weekend so I was like... #yolo. Does anyone say that anymore? I'm thinking not.

Bryan's cousin-in-law, Brooke had her 40th birthday party on the beach in Cayucos and wanted Bryan as the entertainment! Everyone had such a great time and the weather was seriously perfect. Shepherd behaved for the most part and while it was tough chasing him around a large area with multiple fire pits and lots of s'more stakes it was a lot of fun.  

Bryan's uncle Steve took the picture above and I swiped it from Facebook. Sorry about the poor quality! I have such a hard time posting unflattering photos of myself but this is me, living my life. That involves unflattering photos. I've decided to just embrace it and enjoy the fact that we have a memory captured! 

There were three different fire pits in this area surrounded by chairs and they had put something (copper, maybe?) in the fire pit to make them glow green! I wish I could have taken a picture when it got dark, but I was on Shepherd duty and my phone was the last thing on my mind. The set up was really great though!

We stayed at our friends, Stan and Tammy's house in Los Osos. I love being with them. Their home just feels like home. They are wonderful, loving people and we adore them! Their backyard is so cute too! It started to rain in the middle of the night, with lots of lightning and thunder! It ended up raining until 2:00pm, just when we had to leave their house for Bryan's gig in SLO. He sounded so great!

Here is a little video clip from one of the mashups he does that I love!

Gig number 3 this weekend! Love this mash up by @bryanvickersband. ❤

A video posted by Megan Vickers (@meganlauriana) on Jul 19, 2015 at 3:40pm PDT

All in all, it was a great weekend. Beautiful weather, much needed rain and lots of family time! It doesn't get much better than that. Hope you all had a great weekend!!

xoxo,

Megan

The Second (Part 3)

I'm only 17 weeks along, but this pregnancy has already been so different from my last. Not only is my life vastly different from the chaos that it was when I found out I was pregnant with Shepherd, but Bryan and I have gotten into a better routine, our relationship is better and overall, less stressful. More than that, we're back in church, which has changed us and shaped us over the past year and the relationships we have in our lives are different. I suppose it's that time = wisdom thing, but I feel more optimistic about life then I did last time around. Last time, I felt less stable emotionally and mentally. I feel more grounded in truth and in life these days, and that helps. Especially when physically I've been feeling so horrible.

Symptoms

My overall mental health is much better this pregnancy, but I am also more moody and emotional this time around. I've cried and teared up about really dumb stuff. I go from 0-60 really fast, one minute I'm happy, the next I'm frustrated and then I'm crying. It's AWFUL. Pretty much everything Bryan says makes me want to punch something or cry. I am also ridiculously tired. I go to bed at 10:30pm and wake up at about 6:30am and by 4:00pm I need a nap to get through the rest of the day. An hour and a half will usually get me through without being a raging jerk. I toss and turn a lot at night but I haven't been waking up much to go to the bathroom yet, so that is nice while it lasts. Other than some severe nausea in my first trimester, I haven't experienced much more of that unless I let too much time pass before I eat something. 

 I've been obsessed with water, I must have it with me at all times and I tend to drink about 72-96 ounces a day. I seriously get panicked when I don't have it with me. I am turning into my mother. I didn't drink coffee during my first trimester but I have about 2oz of half caffeine coffee with 8oz of milk a day, lightly sweetened. I've had Java Heaven twice. I haven't had a Dr. Pepper or any soda other than Ginger Ale since I found out I was pregnant. I'll take little sips of Bryan's DP every once in a while, but other than that, I drink nothing but water or iced tea. The Shaken Black Iced Tea from Starbucks is amazing and Bryan has been making homemade sun tea which is bomb. I broke the sun tea jar on Tuesday and almost started crying. 

One thing I have "going" for me is that my appetite is almost nonexistent, so I've lost about 10 pounds. Unfortunately, that weight loss and water intake hasn't done much for my appearance because I look as haggard as I feel. I have been battling acne (for really the first time ever) and I feel the exact opposite of radiant. When I was pregnant with Shepherd, I felt beautiful. My hair was so voluminous and my skin totally clear. With this kiddo, I feel like I look sickly. The difference between the two pregnancies is like, the entire movie of Legally Blonde, where Reese Witherspoon looks gorgeous: 

Until the very last scene, that Reese had to re-shoot when she was in her first trimester and sick as a dog. There is a noticeable difference between the entire movie and this scene and the Harvard speech scene.

And that difference is the same difference with this pregnancy. I am sickly Elle Woods, not cute peppy gorgeous haired Elle Woods. Life is hard for the preggo people. 

Foods

I have been trying to stay away from bad foods/drinks and only treating myself here and there. My biggest weakness has been Milk Duds. I've never been a huge Milk Dud fan but for some reason, I'm all about them. I need to find a dark chocolate, healthier version. 

BLT sandwiches have also been a huge hit. Lots of tomato and lots of lettuce. Ah so good. I've been eating mostly beef, some pork. I was eating fish fairly regularly but I got a migraine and got sick. I haven't really wanted to eat it since then. Shrimp has been okay, but mostly I've been going for beef. Salads have also been huge. My favorite meal is the Round Table lunch buffet, get a big ol' salad with lots of varied veggies, and then a slice of pizza. So, so delicious. A blend of both worlds, bad pizza and a healthy salad. Most of my meals are really small and I've been having about four small meals and two snacks throughout the day. 

Now that I am in full on prevent pre-eclampsia mode, I've been watching my diet, eliminating bad foods and big news! I went and saw a new doctor. My midwife wanted to me to see him to get some extra support in the overall health and nutrition. 

On the grand scale of pregnancy symptoms, I feel like I got lucky both times. I still have a long way to go, so things could change, but overall, If I'm not throwing up every two seconds, I'll take whatever else this growing baby has to throw at me.

Names
We have had one boy and two girls names picked out forever. Since we got that positive test result, we have been trying to figure out a boys name. We haven't had any luck. Everything I like, he doesn't Everything he likes, I don't. I really wanted a name picked out by the time we knew what the gender is, but I don't see that happening. We might be the type of people who have to see the child to figure it out! Oh well. It sure was nice having two announcements ready for Shepherd. Bryan made two. One with the boys name and one with the girls. As soon as my mom announced that it was a boy, we immediately said his name and we posted it later on social media for our extended family. It was so fun. I suppose we will do the same thing with our girl name but just have 'Baby Boy Vickers' for the boy, until we figure it out. Hopefully we can come to a conclusion!

I'm so excited and so ready for this baby. I can't wait until December! 

The Second (Part 2)

I immediately text my midwife. She said that they were planning to take December off, but they'd push it back to January because of course she wanted to be my midwife.

I needed to figure out what we were going to do. Concurrent care with a physician just in case I needed another cesarean? Follow the same process as last time? Plan for a cesarean?

There were some no-brainer no's to those questions. I was not going to have concurrent care. I was not going to schedule a procedure. I don't feel comfortable with any of those options and I shall not be labeled a "high risk" pregnancy because I'm not. I don't feel high risk and pre-eclampsia rears it's ugly head early enough that I will know the signs and so will my midwife, who I know will be extra attentive.

My plan of attack was the following:

- Focus on completing school.
- Survive the first trimester.
- Finish school.
- Research pre-eclampsia again.
- Freak out over having to pump for almost 11 months and having that be a possibility again.
- Get a high protein food plan together
- Freak out over the possibility of having another hospital birth
- Resolve to VBAC
- Stay positive about pre-eclampsia
- Chill the eff out.

Focus on completing school & Survive the first trimester
I was so incredibly nauseous in my first trimester. I felt like crap all the time, was in a super bad mood and my face was (is) breaking out like crazy. It became exceedingly clear that the baby did not like coffee, so ginger ale and water became my best friends. The few that knew about my pregnancy were sworn to secrecy and I didn't even really talk about it much. I tried to just deal with one thing at a time. If I started getting into pregnancy mode, then fighting SB277, working, schooling, mothering and wife-ing would all be too much. Pregnancy brain had to wait.

Finish School
I finished school with most of my classmates unaware that I was pregnant and my instructors completely in the dark. After I was done with Capstone, I felt comfortable telling people. I wanted people to talk to be about the course, not about babies. Once it was over and they knew, the questions started and I loved it. I'm glad I kept it on the DL.

I decided that I wouldn't announce it on any social media until I was done with the program and once I had the family picture of the four of us, I couldn't keep it in any longer! It was a great day to celebrate and announce our the new member to our family and Shepherd was stoked because he got Skittles before lunch. It was a happy day for all. 

Research pre-eclampsia again. / Freak out over having to pump for almost 11 months and having that be a possibility again. / Get a high protein food plan together / Freak out over the possibility of having another hospital birth / Resolve to VBAC / Stay positive about pre-eclampsia

I'll be honest and say that I have a good chance of having pre-eclampsia again. It's about a 70% chance, so my odds aren't great. However, there are a lot of factors that trigger pre-eclampsia and some of them are in my control, so what is, I will give my best shot in handling. I'll also be honest in saying that while I accept my odds and I am doing what I can to minimize them, there is also fear. I don't want another birth like I had last time. This time, I want to birth my way. I want to experience natural childbirth and a natural recovery.

So, I'm trying to eat better when I feel well enough to eat. Some days I just don't feel good. I don't want to eat much and there are days that I feel great so I try to make good choices on those days. I'm trying not to stress out over it because that's another trigger. I feel that I have a healthy balance of caring about my end result but also not riling myself into a tizzy over food.

I think this time, my breastfeeding journey will be different. I don't want to pump again but I will if I have too. I did it before and I'll do it again. But this time, I want better. For myself, for my baby, for my pregnancy, for my body. I plan to be way more prepared for breastfeeding and now that I know about lip/tongue ties, I think I can make it happen.

I am a good candidate to VBAC and so that is the plan. Even if I don't have my home birth, even if I have pre-eclampsia, I felt in control of every decision Bryan and I made along the way in our first birth and if I have to do the entire 40 hour labor all over again to try to VBAC, I will. If it ends with the same result, well.... there are worst things. I'm comfortable with the decisions I made during birth last time. I gave a vaginal birth a hell of a shot, but shit happens. And it may happen again this time. I'm ready for the journey, wherever it takes me.

THAT SAID.

I will still plan my home birth. I will still set myself up for success. I can't control everything but I what I can do, I'm doing.

I'm so happy for this baby. I can't wait to know if it's a boy or a girl. I can't wait to feel the strong kicks and get a belly. I long for those quiet moments with precious baby noises and cuddles. The awkward smiles and the giggles. I'm blissfully happy. My situation isn't "ideal" but it's mine and it's beautiful. This baby is wanted and loved.

This baby will also never live down the fact they have caused horrible acne breakouts, super tired/cranky/moody days (poor Bryan) and go the longest period of my life without coffee - TWO WHOLE MONTHS. I mean jeesh! Give Mom a break, kiddo. A Portuguese girl without coffee is like a beach without the ocean.

Super weird and a tad frightening.